


Dream Within a Dream

by Cornerofmadness



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Demons, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 43,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26221189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cornerofmadness/pseuds/Cornerofmadness
Summary: A year after Sunnydale collapses, Buffy and Faith head to L.A. for the Christmas holidays but it’s not going to be a silent night.
Relationships: Connor (AtS)/Dawn Summers
Comments: 8
Kudos: 9





	1. CHAPTER ONE - BUFFY - December 2004

**Author's Note:**

> [](https://imgur.com/dQCPgfz)  
>   
> Front Cover Art by Afteriwake
> 
> **Warnings:** violence, death of a minor character (I guess some would argue he’s a major character but I don’t assign that much importance to him)
> 
> **Disclaimer:** You know the drill, Joss, WB and UPN own all. I make no money from this. I’m just happy to borrow the characters for a little while. 
> 
> **Author’s Note # 1** This is canon divergent. Back in 2003 when I started this, I wasn’t thrilled that Spike was moving to _Angel_ (though in retrospect that worked better than I imagined it would). Also I originally planned to have them deal with the emotional impact of Spike’s sacrifice but the story didn’t bounce that way. I decided not to tamper with that. Regardless, Spike was not resurrected in this canon divergence.
> 
> **Author’s Note #2** \- The story set up is a bit of an oddity for me. The first few chapters will be non-linear covering parts of the preceding year before the main action set up in chapter one. All months and dates will be on the chapter headers for clarity. Also it’ll be multiple first person POV’s also noted clearly in the header.
> 
> **Author’s Note #3** The cover art AND the sound track were all made by Afteriwake and you can find the music [ here.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26221342) Check it out. It's very cool and I can't thank Afteriwake enough for both!

CHAPTER ONE - BUFFY - December 2004

It’s hard to believe that a year has gone by since my life fell into a big smoking hole in California. I never expected to survive that fight, not until after that crazed plan formed in my mind. I had no doubts that it would work and you know, I think that’s one of the few times I’ve gone up against a big bad feeling that confident.

No one knew what having an army of Slayers meant. Giles and Wesley are still working out the ramifications of that. Willow’s helping them. Had the Power weakened? I mean, it’s not often you can divided power and make it stronger. Neither Faith nor I felt weaker. If all the Potentials are now Slayers, who would be called when we died? Infants not yet born when Willow cast her spell? Or had I squandered the Power and in a generation’s time would evil have free rein since I’m not betting that even my army of Slayers will completely remove evil from this world? No one knew what might happen and that was scary. But we’re coping.

Giles had gone with Willow to England to start up the Watchers’ Council again and to do locator spells on all the new Slayers. They were confused and scared at first but the girls Faith and I had led in Sunnydale are now helping to teach these new girls. Some were so young, a few little more than toddlers. What was left of the Watchers dealt with that, leaving me and Faith out of it. We were the experienced Slayers. We had to hold the line until the others were up to speed. I was amazed the Watchers were prepared for that, and then I remember Kendra who had been a Potential since infancy. And I complained about not having a normal life. At least I had most of my childhood.

Wesley was building a Watcher’s Complex here in the States, using the resources of Wolfram and Hart. I still didn’t know how the law firm figured into it. There was something off about that since I thought Angel had said they were evil. But Angel and Wes seemed to think it’s a good idea and I have to trust them.

And I do, so much so I have them keeping an eye on Dawn. She lived in L.A. with Xander who was working for Wolfram and Hart as a construction manager for some of their projects. I’m shocked he even wants to talk to me anymore, let alone be big brother to Dawn. Once all the adrenaline wore off, Xander collapsed completely. He had been maimed. He had lost Anya. He’s recovering. Dawn’s been a big help.

It had been hard to leave Dawn behind but it was for the best. Dawn hadn’t been joking about being a junior Watcher. She had approached Giles and Wes for formal training. I wanted her out of this lifestyle but it was too late. I knew that, and if she was going to be in on it then she needed to be the best she could be. Wes was doing the Watcher training. Gunn and Angel were teaching her to fight, and she was going to college. We all insisted on that and Dawn was more than agreeable. She had no intentions of ending up in fast food struggling to make ends meet while she helped save the world. So, when I left the state, I couldn’t take her with me.

Faith and I were both kicking ass around Cleveland’s Hellmouth. Faith had threatened to shove any Watchers protesting actually paying the active Slayers down said mouth, so we were getting paid but the rebuilding was costly. Right now most salaries were being cut to funnel money into reforming the council. Faith and I lived together in a brownstone in Cleveland Heights not far from Case Western University. No chance of Dawnie going there; it’s baby Ivy League. No, she had to stay in California, finish high school without me and go to college for free. She graduated early, testing out of her last year of school and went to college faster than I was ready for. Apparently much like me, she hadn’t been putting her full abilities forward in Sunnydale. The Summers girls were smarter than anyone gave us credit for, especially ourselves. 

As for me, I wanted to move out since Faith’s life style was...um, noisy to say the least. She and I still butted heads but as a team we were killer. I missed California. I missed having my friends with me, my sister, the odd comfort of knowing Angel was just a phone call away even though I never made that call. I missed Spike. I remembered the heat of him boiling through me, mending that fatal wound as it went. I wished he had believed for a moment that I had loved him, but he hadn’t. Maybe he was smarter than me. He thought I was deceiving myself or maybe we both were deceived.

I never missed California so much as I did last winter. Sunnydale had always been toasty. Sixty degrees was cold. Cleveland treated me to my first twenty below nights. I thought I was going to die. Faith insisted Boston was colder. If it was, I never wanted to visit. Patrolling the Flats when it’s coated with ice and the wind is whipping off Lake Eire and the Cuyahoga River isn’t fun. Faith loves the Flats though, clubs all over the place. She can party as much as she wants. I wonder if Slayer healing powers handles the abuse she puts her liver through. You’d think ice storms would keep vampires at home but oh no. So we’re out there bundled up so much we can barely fight. It’s dangerous. I hate it. At least Cleveland Heights is next to Coventry and all the coffee houses so there’s a place for me to unwind and forget about things for a minute or two.

Xander was wrong. I’m still special. Oh, there’s no more ‘one girl’ in every generation but there’re still not that many Slayers. We had lost quite a few in the past year. Kennedy for one. I wish I felt bad about that but I honestly don’t beyond the normal regret about the loss of a young life. I didn’t like her. I couldn’t even pretend to for Willow’s sake. But luckily, if you can call it that, Willow and Kennedy were splits before Kennedy died. Kennedy was about as fickle as Faith, and Willow wasn’t one to put up with that no matter how many times Kennedy called her a goddess and tried to make up. Kennedy had known better than me and Giles when we warned her about going up against a nest of vampires she said was infesting the East End of London. I guess winning the battle in Sunnydale made her overconfident. I saved my grief for Willow. She might have cooled toward Kennedy by then but she was the one who had to burn Kennedy when her vampire self came calling. I’ve killed someone I once loved, and it’s beyond hard. But Willow is stronger than even she knows.

I shifted in my seat. Coach just sucked. One day I’d be able to afford first class. Faith was next to me, her head against the window as she drooled on herself, sound asleep. My queendom for a camera. We were flying back to LA to spend Christmas with Dawn. She had wanted to come to Cleveland for a real white Christmas. I told her the best she’d get would be piles of grey yucky snow. Cleveland had survived its Hellmouth for years without me and Faith. It would survive two weeks at holiday time. Too bad I couldn’t bring a little of Mama Santos’ pizza to Dawn. It is delicious. We didn’t have anything that good in Sunnydale nor did Sunnydale have a Brotherhood Loan Company of Little Italy down the street from its pizzeria. And I only wished I was joking about the name.

It would be hard to be in LA. Xander didn’t have enough space in his apartment to put up me and Faith so we were staying at the Hyperion with Angel and company. Dawn had offered to stay there and let me have her room but I said no, Angel and I could be adults about this. Then I remembered his last visit to Sunnydale. We had been anything but adult. I winced every time I think about it. He, Spike and I all acted like we were two years old and someone had taken our favorite toy. It was hardly any of our shining hours. And that cheesy cookie analogy of mine, how embarrassing. Okay, I meant a lot of it. I needed to grow into an adult and I had begun that journey. Giles assured me no one is really an adult in their twenties even if they think they are.

I had seen Angel once after it was all over. We talked about what had happened and Spike’s death in particular. He told me about him and Cordy and it was hard on both of us. Spike’s gone and God help me, I wish Cordy was. She’s a vegetable. No one deserved that. We’re all still hopeful that like Faith, she’ll one day wake up from her coma. But for now, she’s resting on an air mattress, suffering from a bed sore on her backside despite all the fancy care Wolfram and Hart paid for.

I had gone to see her before going to Cleveland, to thank her for looking out for Angel all this time. I will go to my grave regretting how I felt that day, like I wanted to run and forget she’d ever lived. I got there as feeding time was almost over, which consisted of pouring fluid into a tube that passed through this angry red hole in Cordy’s belly. The nurse told me it was just a little stoma infection, nothing to really worry about. I had to ask what a stoma was. It’s doctor talk for an opening like the one they had fashioned to feed Cordy. A tube feeding her, a tube under the cover running into the bag of urine on the side of her bed, Cordy would have been horrified to know any of us saw her like that. And all I could think of was, thank God Mom had died fast. I knew with her brain cancer that she could have ended up like this. I might have killed her myself if she had.

The flight attendant asking me what I wanted to drink distracted me from thinking about Cordy and I refused to go back there once she handed over my Coke. This was going to be a good Christmas, just friends and family and no big bads. I was looking forward to meeting Dawn’s new boyfriend who was hanging around for a few days for just that purpose before joining his parents in Aspen for the holidays. I guess his family had money. Wes assured me he was a very polite, smart young man. Xander was more critical calling him skinny and geeky but I think Xander liked that last part. Angel said very little about Dawn’s man.

I got the impression Angel didn’t like him but it was so hard to tell with Angel. He seemed broodier than usual, depressed even. We talked almost weekly. We called it the Dawn Report. I know something was bothering him but typical Angel, he refused to share with me. He was bearing some terrible burden alone. I could hear it in his voice. Wes and Dawn agreed. Maybe I’d ask him when I saw him. Maybe not. I didn’t want to spoil the mood. For once I was going to have a nice holiday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note - Mama Santos in Cleveland’s Little Italy kept me well fed for four years. Hands down some of the best pizza I’ve ever had. I’m trusting that 20 + years after I moved away, things haven’t changed. As for the Brotherhood Loan Company of Little Italy, I’m not sure if it’s still there . (I think not sadly)


	2. CHAPTER TWO – Dawn: Halloween, October 2004

CHAPTER TWO – Dawn: Halloween, October 2004

I loved the Teke’s. They threw the best parties and they had a nice house. Better yet, I trusted them not to be scummers like a couple of other frats. It helped that the sorority I wanted to rush, Alpha Sigma Tau, was tight with the TKE’s. Paloma, my dorm mate, wanted to be an AST, too and Taliesha, our women’s history tutor, was a sister. She said we stood a good chance of getting in.

I saw Taliesha by the keg dressed like a Nubian princess. I wished I could be so beautiful. Her skin was rich, dark and so damn perfect. Not to mention she was tall with big…um assets. I was still flat as a board in comparison, ah well.

I was beginning to regret my own costume choice or at least the play sword I was using as part of Arwen’s costume. It kept bumping me in the butt when I danced. Still, I looked pretty stylish. I had Xander’s seal of approval when I had gone home to do laundry and confer on what might best catch a guy’s eye.

Not that I had a particular guy in mind but that was okay. Even with elf ears, I looked hot. I knew someone would notice me. Why wouldn’t they? Paloma had already snagged the eye of Michael McGovern, one of the starting running backs. I didn’t really envy her that. The really popular guys were nothing but trouble. I went and got myself a beer, oddly thinking about the time Buffy turned into a Neanderthal thanks to beer. God I missed her and the others. I really missed Spike even though I hadn’t truly forgiven him for what he tried to do to Buffy. But at the end, he gave his life for us all. I think he knew he’d die if he wore that thing Angel brought to Sunnydale. I think Angel knew it, too. Both of them were willing to die for Buffy. It was sort of creepy and beautiful at the same time. I gulped my beer and got another.

I turned and nearly ran over a skinny, short guy dressed like Dracula. At least it wasn’t Lestat. Part of me wanted to scream it’s not funny to dress like vampires. They aren’t cool but then the rational part of me remembered that not everyone knows vampires are real. There’s a whole world out there that loves Stoker’s and Rice’s work and the skinny kid had a great set of fangs. They must have been the expensive theater ones. He smiled at me.

“Sorry,” he said, almost not lisping around the fangs.

“My fault.” He was checking me out, not even the least bit shy about it. Of course I was doing the same to him. He was scrawny but he was cute if kinda girlie. He had the prettiest blue eyes and since we were about the same height I was looking right into them. His nose was a little off center but that added to the cuteness. Whoa girl, look who’s fast out of the starting gate. I guess beer does loosen you up.

“Have I seen you around the house?” His eyes flicked down to my chest but didn’t linger. Well, it’s not like I’ve got a lot to look at there.

Oh boy, gotta be nice. He must be a Teke, and I didn’t want to irritate the AST sisters by annoying one of the brothers. Besides, I had the feeling I was going to like him. “Maybe. I like the parties they throw here. I’m Dawn.”

“Ooo, Dawn, something I have to beware of.” He flashed those fake fangs at me, and I laughed in spite of myself.

“You know it.” I showed him my best flirtatious eyes.

“I’m Connor and I’m not usually this cheesy.”

I smiled and he did likewise. Even without the fangs, Connor would have an odd smile. It was too big for his thin face, like it needed to be continued on someone else. I liked it. It gave his face character. Spike would have called the look cheeky. Spike would have hated this kid, I decided in an instant. He’d tell me I could do better but I’m sure he would have said that about anyone. Not like I was taking Connor home with me. We were just smiling over beers. “Are you a brother?” I managed to say.

He nodded, his fine brown hair flopping into his eyes. He brushed it back, irritated. “Yeah, I’m a Teke. Are you Greek?”

“Thinking about it.” I think that was what he wanted to hear because that spooky grin widened.

“Want to dance?”

I looked out at the crowded area passing as the frat house’s dance floor and saw Paloma bumping and grinding with Michael. Why should she have all the fun? I nodded and Connor took my beer and set it on the book shelves. He didn’t dance too bad, better than I was expecting but not as good as I hoped. Still, we were having a good time. Taliesha had spotted us once and gave me the thumbs up and a big goofy grin. Connor didn’t see her but he had to wonder why I was blushing.

Finally we got hot and tired so we left the dance floor. Connor rescued our beers from the shelf and handed me mine. I shook my head.

“Do you mind if I get a fresh one?” I was totally paranoid about drinking from anything that had been sitting around. I knew all about date rape drugs. Elle, a girl I had become fast friends with, probably because I was someone who didn’t think her being a Wiccan was weird, had been raped thanks to one of those drugs. Paloma and I had gone to support groups with her. It didn’t help. Elle killed herself, and I thought that maybe there was something more I could have done.

All I could do now was protect myself. When I thought about this stuff, remembered Elle, I thought about Andrew. I didn’t know where he was anymore and I regret that I ever even so much as spoke to him. When I remembered Elle’s haunted eyes, those rambling confessions Andrew would make bobbed to the surface of my memory. He helped Warren hunt down some poor woman to make her a sex slave, thanks to magic. Warren killed that girl. Andrew killed Jonathan. When I thought about what we were willing to forgive; rape, murder, lies I felt dirty. I’m glad I didn’t know where Andrew was any more. Anya should have been the one to survive instead of him, but then again cockroaches always endure. Sometimes I talked to Angel about this since Buffy was in Cleveland and Willow in London. I didn’t feel right talking about it with Wes or Gunn. Fred chattered so much I never could make sense of what she was telling me. I couldn’t talk to Xander about Andrew since there was some kind of weird connection there, thanks to Andrew being there when Anya died.

I must have looked strange or upset since Connor gave me a look. “No, go ahead. I’ll get you some.”

“No, that’s okay,” I said a little too quickly, too sharply but he didn’t seem offended. Always get your own drink, never set it down, keep your hand over the top of the glass, that’s what they teach us to do. It’s hard and I try to do it but it’s so easy to forget and it sucked to have to think like that. Then I remember Elle, I remember the party at Frannie’s apartment when she found someone had dumped a whole bag of GHB down the garbage disposal after losing their nerve. Better safe than sorry so I got myself a fresh beer.

“Want to go somewhere quieter so we can talk?” he asked.

“Um.” I froze, my eyes looking up at the second floor. If he thought a few dances would entice me to his room, he was sorely mistaken.

He must have read my mind. “No, I meant outside, get some fresh air.”

I smiled weakly. “I’d like that.”

It felt odd sitting outside at night. I guess living on a Hellmouth will do that to you. I kept expecting real vampires to pop out of the garden, or what was once a garden until the frat boys had gotten hold of it.

“You from California?” he asked.

“Born and raised. You?”

“The same. I’m a sophomore here.” He looked like he felt as awkward as I did. This get-to-know-you stuff was always painful.

“Freshman. I’m majoring in art and history,” I said, and he gave me the look everyone did. ‘What? You’re majoring in poverty?’

“What are your plans with those majors? They sound interesting.” At least he made that sound a little better than usual or maybe it was the beer.

I shrugged. I couldn’t exactly tell him I planned on being a Watcher. “I’m good at art but it’s not exactly an easy field to break into. I like history, too, so maybe I’ll teach.”

He smiled. “I’m pre-Law.”

Oh, you could see he was proud of that. If he turned out to be a pompous jerk, I’d be so disappointed. I could just hear Angel and Xander now. What does the world need with another lawyer? I guess working with a law firm might make one cynical. Still, if he was pre-law, Connor probably had to be smart. “Cool.”

We talked for a long time and drank a little more. Connor stowed his fangs at some point, and I ditched my sword and pointy ears. Connor was a sweet guy. I liked him a lot. I never had had time for boyfriends back in Sunnydale. The one time I tried I ended up with a vampire. It must run in the family. The second time, it was because of that magic jacket. Third time’s a charm, or at least I hope so. It was nearly dawn by the time he walked me back to my dorm. He kissed me goodnight and I was going to pretend this was my first kiss because it was everything a first kiss should be. Sweet, gentle, soft and left me wanting more.

“Can I see you again?” he whispered.

“Of course.”

I watched him go, sending out a little wish that he got home safely. With my track record something would snag and eat him in the last dying moments of the night. I went into my room and fell asleep, truly happy for the first time in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note - Both the TKE’s (Tau Kappa Epsilon) and the AST’s (Alpha Sigma Tau’s) are real Greek organizations. No offense is meant to either. I am an AST alumnus and the boys of TKE were a good friend to my sorority on my campus and I hope I’ve captured that friendly atmosphere here.


	3. CHAPTER THREE – ANGEL: Thanksgiving, November 2004

CHAPTER THREE – ANGEL: Thanksgiving, November 2004

I should never have turned Dawn down when she asked me to meet her new boyfriend at Thanksgiving dinner. I had just barked out a ‘no’ and left it at that. Poor Dawn. Buffy and Faith couldn’t make it back to California. Giles and Willow were in London. Fred had gone to Texas with her family and Lorne couldn’t come because Dawn’s boyfriend had no clue things like demons existed. She was cobbling a family together out of Wes, Xander and Gunn.

I should have been there. She needed me but all I could think about was my son was going to be having dinner with his family, blissfully unaware of the terribleness in this world. I was miserable, and I had no one I could talk to about it. I had erased Connor’s existence from everyone’s mind. My son thought he was someone else’s child.

I looked in on him from time to time. He attended the same college as Dawn and was the reason I opposed her going there. That college was Connor’s place, and I wanted nothing intruding on it. Trouble followed Dawn, and I didn’t want it anywhere near Connor. Forget the fact the campus was enormous and that he was just one of nearly thirty thousand so what were the chances she’d even see him? I managed to find him there, thanks to Lilah. Why her corpse was still wandering this earth I had no clue and it made me vaguely nervous as to what more Wolfram and Hart had planned for her. Those little visits to spy on Connor killed a little bit of me each and every time. I shut my eyes against the pain. I should quit torturing myself. I had done the right thing. I would do anything for my child even if I had to give him up. But there was this part of me that asked why did I leave his memory in my mind? Was it a failsafe in case one of those prophecies turned out to be true and Connor’s destiny caught up to him? Or did I do it because I was too selfish to let go, just too good at self-castigation? It whittled away at my soul, knowing he lived without me being a part of his life. Was that why I was in such a hurry to die to help Buffy? Or was it why I was grateful she sent me on my way?

Every day, I battled myself over this decision. I couldn’t silence the part of me that screamed that taking anything from Wolfram and Hart was stupid, that it was bound to turn around and bite me in the ass. I had been waiting a year for that bite but so far so good. Still, there were the little things that were subtly going wrong. Lorne, Gunn and Fred were drifting apart from me and Wes. Wes was overly involved in starting up the Watchers and Fred seemed to float between him and Gunn. When any of them looked at me, I felt like they were accusing me of selling them out, for making that executive decision. Yet I know they would have made the very same choice. They had all been tempted by Lilah and her cronies.

Somewhere around two in the afternoon, guilt overwhelmed me and I headed out through the sewers. I knew of a French bakery that Cordy had liked. It was possible to get to it from below and I could approach the counter without getting near the display windows which was important in the light of day. Of course, they were closing early for the holiday and since I hadn’t made prior arrangements, I had to select from the confections that were left over. Still, I managed to get a frothy-looking cake and some sort of fruit tart. I hoped it would make a good peace offering for Thanksgiving dinner. I shouldn’t have been so harsh to Dawn. I should have been happy she felt so strongly, so good about me that she wanted me to be there for a day of family time.

I was reminded of the day Whistler first found me and tried to get me to live in the world. Thoughts of Doyle also bubbled up. He tried his best to reconnect me to life. Now, Dawn was doing the same but her job was so much harder. I had lost so much this time. Cordelia, my granddaughter, my son and, in some ways, even Buffy. Things would never be the same between us, even more so than ever before.

I headed up under Xander’s apartment complex and into the shared laundry room, which had a maintenance access to the underground. Dawn wasn’t expecting me at all, and she wasn’t expecting the others until a handful of hours away. Wes and Xander were working late and Gunn was, well I wasn’t sure what he was doing. He had been odd and secretive ever since we had agreed to Wolfram and Hart’s deal.

I had a key to the apartment. I’d just let myself in and surprise Dawn. I know she’d be happy to see me. Buffy had let slip how disappointed Dawn was in me for turning down her invitation to dinner. It hadn’t been a rebuke but it hurt just the same. I could easily take time to eat a meal I couldn’t really taste and meet her boyfriend. Dawn hadn’t told me much about him other than he was smart and pre-law. I suspected she thought I told Buffy every move she made and wanted some things to remain private. She wasn’t entirely wrong about that. And my lack of enthusiasm for her dating a wanna-be lawyer had helped to keep Dawn quiet about this boy. I didn’t even so much as know his name.

I steeled myself. I wasn’t good at social events but how hard could this be? I had nothing to fear from a teenaged boy and if things started going bad, well Xander would be here sooner or later. He was better at keeping things light than any of us. Juggling the desserts, I fished out my keys and quietly let myself in.

I stopped there in the little foyer. I had missed the soft sounds of kissing from outside the door, too wrapped up in my own little world but I couldn’t miss the smells of sweat and sex now that I was inside the apartment. Against my better judgment, I took a few steps towards the living room. I could see Dawn’s back, alabaster and glistening with perspiration. She was too involved with her lover to notice me. They were on the floor by the 60’s roundish space ship-like wood-burning stove in the corner of the living room, taking full advantage of the fact they’d be alone for another few hours.

The desserts almost ended up on the floor as I caught a glimpse of Dawn’s boyfriend whom she had pinned firmly against the rug. The would-be lawyer frat boy she had fallen for was my son. There was a strange sensation inside my chest, like my heart had suddenly started beating or I couldn’t catch my breath, as if I had any. And like a coward, I slipped just as quietly out the door. I put my back to the hallway wall then slid down it into a heap on the floor. I waited. I’m not sure for what. I knew I was not going to go back in there and sit down to dinner with Connor. I couldn’t do it. There was only so much I could take. I was giving them time to finish, just so I could leave my peace offering for Dawn, for what little it was worth without me there. I scrawled an apology on the cake box, and after a time I rang the doorbell and ran.

In a school that big, Dawn somehow ran into Connor. I couldn’t believe it was coincidence. And he’s a clever pre-law student? I think I was feeling that bite from Wolfram and Hart that I’ve been expecting. Maybe it was just random chance but in my life, how often did that happen? I knew I had done a devil’s deal. This could just be their way of putting the screws to me for being so naive and desperate. They could very well be grooming my son to work for them. Lilah probably thought it was highly amusing.

And how to end this between them without making Dawn hate me? Maybe I didn’t have to do anything. They were young, hopefully fickle. Maybe they’d drift apart without my interference. Or maybe not. Did I dare take that chance? Dawn was the Key. I’m not sure any of us knew just how human she was. Was Glory’s realm the only one she was a key to? Was she human enough to be fertile? That was my great fear. Wolfram and Hart couldn’t make Connor fully human any more than they could make me alive. Up until now, my fear was Connor would be in a situation that would end badly thanks to his superior strength, something I had been too distraught to consider when I made the deal. I only saw that flaw in my actions with that oh so perfect hindsight. What if he and Dawn were to have a child? It might be even worse than Jasmine. Or it could be normal? There was no way of knowing and I had no one I could talk this over with. Connor didn’t exist. Xander and I might be able to impress on Dawn the importance of safe sex. Or could we? It absolutely wasn’t our place to do so, and I never did make it through the big sex talk with Connor, leaving it to Cordelia. How was I to know she’d make it show and tell?

I couldn’t talk to Dawn about this. The best I could do would be to tell Buffy that Dawn had a boyfriend and let her handle it. I looked around at the sewer juncture before me, not realizing I had run so far. It was just a few blocks to the private nursing home Cordelia had been placed in. I made my way up into the building. A red-headed young nurse smiled at me.

“Hello Mr. Angel, here to see Cordy?”

I managed a smile for her. “Yes, Anna. Is she in her room?”

“She’s down at the big party. Want me to get her for you?” Anna got up from the nurse’s station.

I shook my head. It was dark now, so I was safe from the big, bright, airy windows in the home. “I’ll get her.”

I hated this place. You could smell the death here, the sharp tang of hopelessness mixing the stench of urine and feces. There were only twenty lost souls here, all younger, most of them victims of car accidents or disease, like Cordy’s roommate, Liza, who had M.S. The nurse’s aides had them all in the rec room, playing balloon volley ball, or at least the ones who could still move. Cordy and the other coma victims were lined up along the wall facing the big screen tv. Every time I came here I wanted to just let my demon go and put them all out of this misery. I wanted to scream when I heard parents talking about their miracle children, the ones who had survived the accident, while all the time they’re trying to get sips of soda into what was left of their child. Wolfram and Hart were researching magical ways of reviving Cordelia. No one trusted them so Wes, Fred and myself were doing so as well. Lilah had suggested putting Cordy in suspended animation, much like what Holtz had endured, to spare her the bed sores and such but we voted it down. What if it took too long? Would Cordy want to be awoken decades down the road with no one but immortal me still with her? That might be worse than dying.

They had prettied Cordelia up for the Thanksgiving party. She was in a bright blue dress and her nails had been painted to match. But the image was marred by the white compression stockings that reached her knees and kept her from getting blood clots in her legs, and the lambs wool booties that helped to keep her from getting heel sores further ruined the picture. At least the urine bag was covered by a tie-dyed pouch. I could understand why the aides tried their best to make the residents look good. Maybe somewhere deep down, Cordelia knew and appreciated it.

I wheeled her geri chair out onto the back patio. The smell of jasmine there almost drove me back inside. I don’t think I would ever be able to stand the scent again but the air felt cool and clean. The wind ruffled Cordelia’s hair. I sat beside her, taking her hand.

“You look beautiful tonight, Cordelia.” I told her that most every night I found time to visit with her. And I told her about Connor, just like I always did. I’m not sure why since I took such pains to remove him from everyone else’s mind. I think it was my way of admitting that I knew Cordelia was never going to wake up, that Jasmine had destroyed her mind. I couldn’t escape thinking I should have helped Cordelia to move on and leave behind this pain. But if there was a chance she could recover, I had to take it. So I spent Thanksgiving telling her about how we were all doing, about Dawn and how she was dating Connor now. I spared her the image that was seared into my mind’s eye of Dawn grinding on top of my son. I talked to her until it was time for her to be put to bed. I left before having to watch that. I couldn’t stand seeing her in that swing thing they used to move patients around, dangling there like meat. I needed to work off the slow burn that had been building all night. I almost pitied the first demon I met.


	4. CHAPTER FOUR – CONNOR:  Surviving Finals, December 2004

CHAPTER FOUR – CONNOR: Surviving Finals, December 2004

I was exhausted. I hadn’t slept well crammed against the wall on Dawn’s too- thin, too narrow dorm room bed. Dawn was still asleep on her side, curled alongside me. She didn’t like to stay in the TKE house and I could understand that. Paloma was already gone for the holidays, her finals over two days before Dawn and mine, so I could stay the night without making anyone uncomfortable.

I kissed Dawn’s shoulder and tried to wiggle out from behind her without waking her up. I needed to sneak to the restroom before someone caught me. Guys weren’t allowed to use it and the rest room for us was in a locked part of the dorm as we weren’t allowed in until eight in the morning. Like that stopped anyone. By the time I got back, Dawn was awake. She smiled at me.

“You look so cute,” she said.

“What? With my hair a mess, no makeup and rumpled clothes?” I grinned at her, primping my hair. It needed a trim.

“Now you’re mocking me.” She gave me that fake mad-face of hers that was so adorable.

“Just a little,” I admitted, leaning down and kissing her. “So what do you want to do now that you survived your very first round of college finals?”

“Stay in bed for a week,” she said, stretching wonderfully.

I smirked. “That can be arranged.”

She winged the pillow at me. “You’re such a guy.” Dawn rolled out of bed and fetched her bucket of shampoo and soap and whatever else from her wardrobe. “First I want a shower then we can make a plan.”

“Okay.”

While she was gone I pulled the covers up messily. If I wanted to be really sweet, I could have changed the sheets and started the wash, but I hadn’t totally ruled out a little more between the sheets play time though the showering now made such things unlikely. Still, no sense in taking the option off the books. I stretched out on the bed and turned on the tv. Her dorm might have some silly rules but at least it had cable. I turned on CMT and chilled out to Martina McBride’s latest video. She had such beautiful eyes.

I felt even more exhausted than I first thought. Between pre-Law and forensics, my brain was leaking out my ears. I figured it this way, if I somehow didn’t get into law school, I could work in forensic science. I had a fascination with forensics, death and serial killers. There was something oddly compelling about it all, and I loved working puzzles.

Still, even Martina couldn’t keep me awake, and I faded out. One moment I was watching the video and the next Dawn was tickling my face with the end of her braid. She smiled down at me.

“Tired you out?” She seemed very pleased at that.

“I’m not complaining about it.” I sat up, trying to smooth my wrinkled clothing without much luck. I needed to head home for a shower and some fresh clothes. “Any thoughts about what you want to do?”

“Well, Buffy will be here in a week so I have time to prepare for that. I was thinking we ought to hit that new club you were talking about.” Dawn sat next to me.

“Over a hundred imported beers. Sid and I have been having fun there. Sidney’s the one who turned me on to it,” I said. Sidney went TKE the same time I did. He was probably my best friend, though sometimes he had a knack for getting me in trouble. At least our fake ids passed for real in this club.

“And good music, right.” She gave me a look, stabbing a finger at the tv.

“Country music is good music,” I protested but I couldn’t really convince her of that. “But the Around Midnight is mostly jazz and blues. You’ll like it.” Or at least I hoped so. I didn’t know if Dawn liked that sort of music but she didn’t seem unhappy at the announcement it was a jazz hole.

“Good.”

“I bet you’re excited to see your sister,” I said. Dawn didn’t talk about her family much. I knew her mother had passed away, and her father was never around. It made me feel sad. I wouldn’t know what I’d do without my family. She had told me Buffy lived in Cleveland, which was sort of a shame. I could see Dawn missed her. That’s why I was hoping she’d get into Alpha Sigma Tau. She’d have a nice second family here.

Dawn smiled. “I can’t wait.” She leaned over and kissed my cheek. “You are so good to stay around to meet her. I know she’s excited to see you.”

“Mom and Dad were cool about it. I’ll just fly up to Aspen by myself and meet them there.” I shrugged. Dawn looked a little disappointed or something with that. I try not to act like I have money but sometimes it’s hard. I never even think about it much but I do have it better than a lot of kids, Dawn included. My parents gave me everything I’ve ever wanted. I had a 1967 convertible Mustang because Dad knew how much I liked muscle and pony cars. Hunter green, tan seats, it was too much of a car for a kid but I had wanted it so I got it. Dad’s law firm made good money, and he was more than willing to indulge me and my sisters.

“I’m not getting out of L.A. but it’ll be great to have Buffy here. She’s bringing Faith.”

“Are she and Buffy...lovers?” I honestly didn’t know much about Buffy, not even what she did for a living in Cleveland. I probably ought to ask but Dawn was never forthcoming with a lot of details about her life. I was torn between liking the mystery and being annoyed, like she didn’t really trust me even though we were sleeping together. Of course I hadn’t told her Dad was the lawyer you see every other commercial set, at least not right away. I didn’t like people to know how much money Dad has, and I’d been burned before by people who wanted me for my money. Tracy sprang to mind.

Dawn blushed a bit. “No. Buffy likes guys. Faith...well, if it has two legs and is still breathing she’d probably sleep with it. Maybe even if it weren’t breathing.” Dawn added that last under her breath but I heard her. I have great senses. I try hard to pretend I don’t. She leveled her eyes at me. “You’d be safer to keep away from her. She’d break you.”

I didn’t even have to fake the wounded look. “That hurts.”

“Trust me. Faith is sort of bad news.” There was something hidden behind Dawn’s eyes but I couldn’t ferret it out as she paused, considering her next words. “But she’s like part of the family now.”

“I’m looking forward to meeting them all. So, tonight at the Around Midnight?” I asked.

She nodded. “Want me to meet you at the house?”

“Sure.” I moved in for a kiss.

She kissed me quick, and then put a hand against my chest, pushing gently. “You can probably sneak out now or do you want to catch some more sleep here?”

“Can think of a few other alternatives.” I kissed her again, my tongue slipping into her mouth. She tasted like mint. She kissed me back but when I tried to push her into the mattress, she stopped me.

“Uh-uh buddy, I’m clean.”

“I knew I should have stolen the body wash.” I grinned at her and she shoved me. I had known I wasn’t going to get lucky this morning but no harm in trying. I got up. “I should probably get home and make sure Sidney hasn’t trashed my room.”

Dawn looked perturbed. I knew she liked Sid but sometimes lost patience with the hot water he got me in. “Why would he trash your room? He has one of his own.”

I shrugged. “If he trashed his, he’d have to clean it up.”

“Men.” She looked appropriately disgusted at us.

I just laughed and let myself out.

XXX

Dawn kept fussing with her hair as I drove. Okay, I should have put the top up, but I didn’t get a convertible to drive around with the top up on a beautiful night like this. She could have braided her hair or something but that’s me thinking like a jerk.

I hoped Dawn would like this place. The Around Midnight wasn’t the usual hang out with techno music so loud it could pulverize your brain and dance floors so packed it kept us from showing how bad we actually danced. I didn’t mind those places. I enjoyed them but every so often I wanted something a little different, quieter.

Sidney and I had been coming here since it opened. It wouldn’t stay open long if they got caught serving minors but I had gotten us and Dawn the best fake id’s; Dad’s money at work. I’d never brought Dawn because I wasn’t sure how she’d react to this part of my life since this is where the wanna-be coven met and talked magic to the sounds of blues and jazz. I wasn’t ready to tell Dawn I believed in magic. It sounded too damn flaky.

I wasn’t sure how interested I was in magic and Sidney was determined to get me into it. I hadn’t really been raised in any faith. We were Catholic in name only. The church going was a Christmas-Easter thing, just so Dad could be seen, good for business. I had nothing against this Wiccan stuff. Sidney was nuts for it. I felt a little weird studying to be a mage. I hadn’t believed in magic at first. I did now. I had done some wild stuff and there was an incredible lure, a power to be tapped into.

I knew the importance of that. But I didn’t trust our mentor, Amy. There was something off about her. She seemed more motivated by money than teaching us. She kept hinting if we wanted to go to the next level, there would be costs, and they all seemed to be monetary. Then there was this geeky dumbass who was Amy’s right hand man. I have no tolerance for idiots. Andrew might be smarter than I thought but he was so obsequious you couldn’t tell. I couldn’t tolerate Andrew. I wasn’t sure why Amy did. She seemed smarter than that but they both came from the same town. I didn’t know where exactly, and I didn’t like that bit of mystery either.

Dawn ran her hand up my thigh. “Penny for your thoughts.”

“I’m thinking if you don’t move your hand I’m going to wrap the ‘Stang around a pole,” I said so she moved her hand faster. “For the love of God, Dawn.”

She laughed, taking her hand off me. “You looked so serious there for a moment.”

“Just thinking.” “Finals are over, baby. You don’t have to do that anymore.” She smiled at me.

Dawn didn’t like dummies any more than I did or at least I didn’t think so. Most days it felt like me and Dawn had known each other all our lives instead of just under two months. It was one of the reasons I had my special gift for her with me tonight. I hadn’t taken her home to meet the folks yet but I would have if the opportunity had come up. I’d met Xander, Gunn, Fred and Wesley. They were nice enough. Fred and Wes were among the smartest people I’d ever met. Gunn was clever. And while Xander was obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed, he was a nice enough guy. How many people would be willing to put up a friend’s sister just so she could stay in California to finish school? I was a little suspicious at first, older guy, teen-aged girl but that was just my morbid imagination and too many sex crimes texts digested for class. Xander and I traded anime and played D&D. I liked him.

“I’ll take a night off from thinking, I promise,” I said.

“A few beers will surely help,” she replied as I pulled into the lot.

“Thanks.” I reached over and tried to take a snarl out of her hair. I guess I shouldn’t have been a jerk about the convertible top.

She pulled me close, kissing me. Her tongue probed the inside of my mouth. I gently pulled away, feeling stirrings below the belt that would just get me in trouble at the moment.

“All we need to do is get caught parking a few days before your sister gets here. She’ll kill me.”

Dawn’s Cheshire grin made the boys tighten; she was too amused by my impending death. “Without a doubt.”

We went inside. Sidney already had a table in the corner with a good view of the stage. I was glad he had since the bar was crowed. Totally Consumed was playing tonight and that blues band was simply on fire.

“Hey Sidney,” Dawn said, sitting down.

“Hey guys, thought you got lost.” Sidney’s dark eyes danced as he smirked at me. “Or did you have to find a crowbar to get Connor off of you?”

“Crowbar,” she said perkily.

“I’m back in the dating pool I see,” I said, and she slapped me as I sat down.

“So what do you want?” Sidney wiggled his pint glass. “I’ve got Tetley’s.”

“They make more than tea?” Dawn inquired.

“Good ale,” Sidney assured her.

“I’m going to try this Skullsplitter ale, sounds like fun.” I loved experimenting with beers. This one was from the Orkneys. “How about you Dawn?” I asked.

She made a face. “I’m not the beer connoisseur you two are. Can I get something else?”

“Whatever you want,” I said and Dawn selected a drink of Bailey’s Irish Cream and Butterscotch Schnapps. She gave me a guilty look because the drink cost over five dollars. I wish she wouldn’t worry about money so much. I know why she does. She only has that little job as a file clerk with Wolfram and Hart that doesn’t pay much. I just wished she’d believe me when I tell her I like spending money on her.

“Sidney, where’d you get that ring?” Dawn asked as Totally Consumed started their gig.

Sidney fingered the ring on his middle finger, silver against his dark skin. It was a pentagram worked into knotwork to the point of being almost abstract. “I got it at Merlin’s Dream. Do you like it?”

“It’s nice.” Dawn gave him a wary look. “I didn’t know you were into new age stuff.”

Sidney beamed. “I’m studying magic. My grandmother was a mambo in Louisiana but my dad hates all that stuff. I think he thinks it makes us look poor or ignorant. I think it’s a good way to keep in touch with the world.”

“I’ve heard that. I’ve known a few Wiccans.” Dawn stabbed the ice in her drink, agitated. Her voice was oddly flat.

I could see Dawn was massively uncomfortable with the subject. God, Sidney don’t tell her I’m going to those meetings with you. I’d have to talk to Dawn about this privately and see why it sort of made her nervous. If she wanted me to quit, I would.

“Cool,” Sidney said. “Maybe you’d like to come to a meeting some time.”

Dawn shook her head. “Thanks but it’s not...you know, maybe after the holidays I will.”

That surprised me. There was a strange glint in her eyes. Never let it be said I actually understood women.

“So what did you think of Connor’s surprise?” Sidney asked and I could have killed him.

“What surprise?” Dawn looked up from her drink.

“Sidney,” I hissed.

“What? Man, haven’t you given it to her yet?” Sidney ran a hand over his shaved head. Now that I thought about it, he sort of looked like Gunn’s kid brother. “Damn Connor, it was all you could talk about. I thought you’d have given it to her by now. Or were you too busy showing her that twig of yours again? She’s probably seen enough of that.”

Dawn nearly choked on her drink, and I gave Sidney the finger, feeling my cheeks burning. “I was going to wait until tonight when we were alone,” I said.

“I’m not sure I can wait.” Dawn was practically bouncing in her seat.

“I’m sure you can’t.” I glared at my friend. “Thanks Sid.”

“Sorry.” He sounded anything but. He was smiling so big the corners of his mouth could meet at the back of his head.

I dug into my pants pocket and took out the ring box. I opened it, seeing how bright Dawn’s eyes had gotten. “This is my Irish side showing through,” I said. My mouth suddenly felt dry and my hands shook. I tried to hide it by picking up my beer, taking a nervous sip. “It’s based on Richard Joyce’s wife’s wedding ring or so the story goes. Wear it with the heart out and you’re searching for love but if you wear it heart in, you’ve found it.” God, that really sounds silly but it was a beautiful ring, at least to me. The heart was Connemara marble and the crown was set with sparkling tiny opals on a silver band. Dawn’s expression wasn’t quite what I hoped for. It was a mix of wonder and horror.

“Is something wrong?” I shouldn’t even ask. I didn’t want to know. Maybe I had jumped the gun. Maybe Dawn wasn’t ready to commit.

“Nothing. It’s beautiful.” Dawn took the ring out of the box, her hand shaking so much she nearly dropped it. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell him you’ll wear it. I’m not ready to have him crying on my shoulder all night,” Sidney said, leaning back, loose-limbed, in his chair.

I gave him the evil eye. “You like it?”

“I love it. I was just thinking...Buffy got a Claddagh from a boyfriend once...” Dawn trailed off.

“And it didn’t go good,” I guessed.

“Understatement of the year. But that was Buffy and the bad things there, well, they aren’t things we’ll ever have to worry about.” Dawn slid the ring onto her slim finger.

I took her hand, rubbing the ring with my thumb. My hand was still trembling. She leaned into me, kissing me. She tasted spicy and sweet, butterscotchy.

“Oh, get a room you two,” Sidney said, waving down the waitress.

I was thinking the back of my car but even as thin as we both were, we’d be too cramped in the Mustang. I broke the kiss when the less-than-sensitive waitress asked me if I wanted a refill. “Make it a Guinness this time and another Smooth Sax for her,” I replied.

Dawn smiled, putting her hand on my thigh again. Sequoia was taking notice. That was the last thing I needed here. Down boy. The waitress came back quickly with the drinks as Totally Consumed kicked out some scorching riffs.

“The ring was a Christmas gift but he couldn’t wait so he had to run out and get you another gift for under the tree,” Sidney said.

“Sidney,” I moaned. _Can’t a man have secrets?_

“I didn’t think he’d make it through finals without exploding, he was so up about that ring.” Sidney was just putting the screws to me at this point.

“Connor, the ring was more than enough. You didn’t need to get me a second gift. My gift is going to look sad by comparison,” Dawn said, genuinely looking distressed about that.

“It doesn’t matter, Dawnie. He’s a guy. Just give some attention to Fat Freddy and that’s gift enough,” Sidney said, and I kicked him under the table.

Dawn’s eyebrows arched. “Fat Freddy?”

“I do not call it that.” I could feel myself blushing. I learned quickly you can’t hide behind a pint glass.

“Do you want to know what he does call it?” Sidney leaned on the table, grinning.

“Is that what you boys do? Sit around the frat house, drinking and naming your penises?” Dawn gave us a disgusted looked.

“Well, yeah,” Sidney said.

I just rolled my eyes. If he tells her about the dick measuring contests, I’ll kill him. I took a gulp of my Guinness and then scowled. There was a man at the bar whom I had seen hanging around some of the other college bars and even our parties at the house. He was odd, youngish but not so young as to fit into the frat house scene. He had scary eyes. He was always watching me. Sometimes he was really good at it and only luck let me catch a glimpse of him. He always looked the same, silly spiky brown hair and black leather like he was taking a shot at fashion and missed. It was getting really creepy, seeing him turn up time and again. He was a lot bolder tonight, openly staring at me.

“I’ve had enough of this guy,” I said.

“What?” Dawn looked around, trying to see what I did.

I pointed with my pint glass to the guy. “I’ve see him hanging around the college. He’s always staring at me.”

“A perv?” Sidney craned his neck.

“Probably. I’m getting tired of him checking me out,” I said.

“He’s not a pervert,” Dawn said, irritation etching into her face. I could tell it was for this weird guy. “That’s Angel.”

“You know him?” I was surprised.

“For years. He’s a friend, and if you saw him around the school he was probably looking for me. Or more likely looking out for me and telling Buffy whatever he sees.” Dawn scowled, getting up.

She went over to the guy and started talking to him. She didn’t look too happy and neither did he but he never did from what I’ve seen.

“I’d better go over there,” I said. I didn’t trust Dawn with this guy. He had the air of a predator. Maybe that was a semester of studying serial killers talking but I couldn’t help it. The guy’s eyes were dead looking.

“She might not want you riding to the rescue,” Sidney said, not looking like he wanted to get up. “She said he was a friend.”

“Well, if he’s a friend, I should meet him.” I had to know more about this guy. It’s not that I didn’t trust Dawn’s judgment but some guys seemed utterly charming and were monsters underneath it all. I wandered over and they both looked at me like I was intruding. “Everything okay, Dawn?”

“It will be if Angel quits spying on me.” Dawn crossed her arms.

The man looked indignant. “I’m not spying. I’m here on business, seriously,” he insisted, and Dawn didn’t look mollified. I think she was ready to hit him, and I think he knew it too because his face softened as he added, “You really need to leave, Dawn.”

“Why?” I asked.

Dawn put her hand on my chest. I pulled her against me protectively. “It’s okay, Connor. Angel’s a private investigator.” “So why do we have to leave?” I persisted.

“Dawn knows why,” Angel said. He was looking at me funny. It was making me even more nervous.

“Angel deals with some real bad guys. If he says we might want to come back another night, that’s exactly what we want to do,” Dawn said. “Angel, this is my boyfriend, Connor.”

Angel looked at me even more strangely. He didn’t extend a hand to me and I didn’t offer either. “Nice to finally meet you, Connor. Dawn’s told me a lot about you.”

“You would have met at Christmas,” Dawn said, sounding nervous. “But maybe now’s better. Angel is the head of Angel Investigations, part of Wolfram and Hart’s law firm. He’s sort of Xander, Gunn, Wes and Fred’s boss.”

“I see.” This man didn’t seem like a boss. I’m not sure what he looked like, a thug maybe. Dad had investigators that worked for his firm, too, so that part sounded kosher. Angel just didn’t come off like an investigator to me. He seemed too intent on me and not paying enough attention to anything else. It made me really nervous.

“I’m sure we’ll get to talk at the holiday party,” Angel said.

“You will,” Dawn said, putting her hand on my chest, trying to turn me around.

Angel’s eyes flashed to the Claddagh and he took her hand. He looked at us both so sadly that I had to wonder why. It seemed like such an out of place emotion on that big blocky face of his. “It’s beautiful, Dawn.”

She beamed, squeezing his hand. “Connor just gave it to me.”

His eyes pinned me and I was right back to feeling terribly uncomfortable. “You have good taste. Dawn, you’d better go.”

She nodded. “Come on, Connor. When he tells you that, you know things are gonna get ugly. We should get Sidney out of here, too.”

I let her lead me back to the table. I tried to keep my eye on Angel. His never left me and Dawn. I’d have to ask her his last name. I wonder if my Dad knew anything about him or Wolfram and Hart. I knew Dad admired Wolfram and Hart in the abstract. Totally different kind of law than what he practiced or the kind I wanted to practice someday.

“Sidney, we’re heading out,” I said, waving him up.

“What? Why? The night’s...oh, god. Stick some ice down your pants.”

“Not funny. Why don’t you come with us? We can catch a late movie or something,” I said, taking Dawn at her word about things getting dangerous. I could see she was worried.

“Is something up?” Sidney asked, looking alert now.

“We just want to do something a little different,” Dawn said.

“Okay.” Sidney followed us outside. “Tell you what, I’ll call it an early night. You two go have fun.”

I smiled at him gratefully. “Thanks, bud.”

We got back in my Mustang and I waited until we were out on the road before asking, “Do you trust this Angel character, Dawn?”

“Yeah. He’s a good guy most of the time. He and Buffy used to be...well, he was the one who gave her the Claddagh. It might not have worked out but they’re still friends, sort of. Angel wants what’s best for me, believe me,” Dawn said. “He wouldn’t hurt me or let anyone else hurt me.

She was holding something back. I could tell but I wasn’t going to press her on it. “So, do you really want to go see a late night movie?”

She shook her head. “Let’s go back to your place this time. The room is a little bigger.” She smiled at me.

“Great.”

And it was. Dawn usually didn’t want to stay the night at the frat house but things were different now. I could feel it. We had taken the next step. Too bad that Angel guy had ruined the night for us. But it didn’t matter. The really important stuff had turned out okay. I just wish I could shake the uneasy feeling I had about Angel.


	5. CHAPTER FIVE – BUFFY:  Meeting the boyfriend, December 2004

CHAPTER FIVE – BUFFY: Meeting the boyfriend, December 2004

“So they’re just sleeping in the hotel and working at Wolfram and Hart’s offices,” Faith asked as she and I shared a limo to the Hyperion. It was a smallish one and the bar was stocked with fruit juice only. Angel was in for an earful from Faith about that, Wes too. Hey, if I had to hear her complain most of the way to the hotel, then so should they.

“For the hundredth time, yes.” I let my head flop back onto the seat.

“I can’t believe it.” Faith dug into the trail mix that was in the fridge along with the fruit juice. I was too beat to be hungry. We had a rough night before our early flight.

“You keep saying that, too. You’ve been saying that for a year now. You plan on ever telling me why?” I glanced over at my fellow Slayer and was surprised at the worried look on Faith’s face. In my experience Faith worried about very little. “Seriously Faith, it’s time someone let me in on whatever it is that I’m not getting here.”

Faith’s face went from worried to contemplative. That scared me. “Wolfram and Hart were the ones that hired me to kill Angel,” she whispered, not meeting my eyes. “I nearly killed Wes instead but you know that part. That’s when I got jailed. They were bad news then. When Angel told us what they were doing, I thought for a moment he’d switched sides again. But that wouldn’t explain the rest of them going along for the ride. I guess they’re working an angle. I just don’t know what.”

“And you’re just telling me this now!” I sat up straight. I could have throttled her. Why would she keep that sort of secret from me? Why would Angel? I could hear the toilet flushing down my vacation already and we hadn’t been in L.A more than an hour. “It’s been over a year. Dawn works for them. Damn it, Faith. How could you not tell me? How could Angel not?”

“I thought maybe Angel had told you.” She shrugged. “And I trust Angel, B. He knows what he’s doing.”

That urge to crush her surfaced again at the implication I didn’t trust Angel as much as she did. “I don’t like this, Faith.”

“Well, I didn’t either. But Angel’s a big boy.” Faith scowled. “Look, I’m not fighting with you over this. We’re here to have fun. I didn’t tell you. Can’t change it now. Has Dawn seen anything bad? Xander? No.”

That was so beside the point, it wasn’t funny. But she was right. This wasn’t the time to argue. “What could he be doing with them if they’re the enemy? Does he know they paid you to take him out?”

Faith nodded. “Like I said, he must have some angle.”

I flopped back. Why was I always outside the loop? Was it me cutting myself off like I have a tendency to do or is Angel trying to protect me again? “He told me Wolfram and Hart gave him that amulet, the one Spike wore into battle. I thought they were some of the good guys.”

“They probably had their own angles to play. Angel wouldn’t let anything happen to Dawn, Buffy. You know that.” Faith guessed the real source of my distress. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to my sister.

“This traffic is awful,” I muttered, hoping to end the topic. I glanced at my watch. It was barely past noon. Me and Faith had taken an early flight, and we were both jet lagged.

“How are you about seeing him?” Faith’s dark eyes held a cautious look that I was unaccustomed to.

I didn’t want to talk about Angel with Faith. It was too hard, too much history. But I couldn’t just ignore her. “Okay, I guess. And you?”

Faith ran a hand through her tousled hair. “Look, B, there’s nothing between me and Angel, not like that. He’s like...I don’t know, a big brother or something. He was the one person who’s ever believed me in. I’m not going to mess that up with sex, even if he could. Angel, the Mayor, they’re the only guys who’ve treated me like something more than a blow-up sex toy.”

I gazed at her sadly. I could hear the pain in her voice. Faith wasn’t one for sharing but the glimpses into her past I got were ugly. It made me appreciate what I had. “And Giles. He never thought of you like that. And what about Robin?”

Faith’s lips twisted. “Robin was different. But he wanted to get too serious. I guess we might run into him out here, too. He’s still helping Wes with setting up the Council.”

“Well, his last place of employment did get sucked into hell. How do you put that on a job resume?” I forced a smile. “And the things he saw changed him.”

“Having a Slayer mom changed him long before that.” Faith craned her head looking out the side window as the cab slowed down. “We’re here.”

The limo driver helped us with our bags. Angel had told us the front door would be open in anticipation of our arrival. At first, I had thought it weird that Xander didn’t want to live here, Dawn, too, but then after living with Faith I understood. She and I had no choice. We didn’t make enough to live separately but it isn’t fun to live with the people you work with. Xander and Angel didn’t really like each other. Dawn would have been better off here but I knew she was clinging to Xander for comfort and he to her. He needed someone to help him over his losses and I was proud of Dawn for taking that role. Fred was the only one living with Angel at the moment, and Lorne but he was busy rebuilding his club. Angel said it was unlikely the demon would be at home.

Faith and I had barely gotten the door closed behind us and lugged our bags to the front desk when Angel came down the steps. His skill at missing patches of sunlight was amazing but I guess he’s had lots of practice. A tickle of rage ran up my spine. I wanted to rip him a new one for not telling me about Wolfram and Hart but I wouldn’t. I was making a real effort to be adult about these things. Not everything could be handled by a screaming fit. I’d talk to him when we were alone. His smile actually touched his eyes. He was happy to see us, a hint of tension in his face, too, but not as much as I feared.

“I’m glad you made it safely,” he said, holding his arms out.

We both hugged him. He was warmish. He must have been under his electric blanket, reading, when we came in. Angel would do that sometimes, to make it easier to be close to him. Sometimes it was like snuggling with a Butterball turkey fresh from the fridge. Same with Spike, so I must have a taste for it. I shivered. It was best not to think about it.

“We’re just glad to be here,” I said, trying not to yawn in his face. At least Faith had managed some sleep on the plane earlier.

“And we could use a little sack time. Remind me why we had to catch a flight out before dawn?” Faith groused.

“Ask Wes. You can have your pick of rooms up on the second floor.” Angel stabbed a finger skywards. “I gave the workers the day off, figuring you might want to take a nap.”

I glanced around, noticing fresh paint and part of the old ceiling was gone. Under it was ornate wood beams. “Renovating?”

Angel nodded. “Xander and his crew are busy trying to restore this place to its original state. It’s a beautiful old place, really. They’re working on the third floor, shoring it up first then getting to all the detail work. Wolfram and Hart’s footing the bill. I figure they’ll get it done just in time for some demon to come along and burn it to the ground.”

“That’s our Angel, always the optimist.” Faith grinned, chucking his shoulder.

He rolled his eyes, grabbing our suitcases. “I’ll help you upstairs.” He hefted them, and then looked between us. “How long did you say you were staying?”

I laughed. “Poor Angel, you’ve been around for over two centuries and you still know nothing about how women pack.”

“I know you’re all nuts,” he mumbled under his breath.

Before we could comment or he could escape upstairs, the front door opened. Dawn bounced in holding hands with a scrawny kid. Oh, don’t tell me this was the boyfriend. He was not at all what I was expecting. He was in a red T-shirt with white lettering, TKE, whatever that meant, and baggy jeans. Not those ridiculous baggy hip-hop jeans, but baggy none the less, probably because there wasn’t enough of him to fill them out. Wearing a comfy-looking University shirt, Dawn ran across the lobby before he even had the door shut and nearly knocked me down, hugging me.

“I couldn’t wait until tonight to see you.” Dawn squeezed me so tight I heard ribs creaking.

“I missed you so much,” I whispered into her hair.

“I’m going to take the bags upstairs. You two can put them wherever later,” Angel said. “Hello, Dawn. Nice to see you again, Connor.”

Okay, so the little twig was her boyfriend. He merely nodded at Angel. Neither of them seemed happy to see each other. I’d have to talk to Angel about that, too. I know he hadn’t seemed thrilled when he met the kid for the first time last week. Dawn hugged Faith as Angel disappeared upstairs.

“Buffy, meet Connor. Connor, this is Buffy and our friend, Faith.”

He smiled at me, coming across the lobby to shake my hand. He moved funny, loose limbed, almost like an animated rag doll but he had a good hand shake. Still, he was amazingly girlie. He practically looked corseted he was so wasp-waisted but then again, this being L.A. he might just actually be wearing a corset. I so did not want to know if it was nature or accentuation.

“Pleased to meet you at last, Buffy,” he said, smiling even more broadly. The kid had a strange, creepy kind of smile and I was wondering what Dawn saw in him. I know that was shallow of me, basing my impression on mere looks. I guess there was still a little of the superficial cheerleader in me that hadn’t quite been killed off. But still there was something odd about him, a little tickle up the spine, sort of like my ‘spidey’ sense but Angel would know if this kid was demonic. He’d be able to smell it or something. And he was breathing and out in the middle of the day so he wasn’t a vamp.

As he offered his hand to Faith, I looked at my sister. I could see how happy she was for us to meet Connor, hoping for my approval. Then I saw it on her finger, a Claddagh, and I felt all the color leave my face. I hear Faith telling Dawn that Connor was a cutie but it didn’t really register. I could imagine her usual ‘do me’ look on her face as she said it but I couldn’t focus past that Claddagh. It was fancier than the one Angel had given me. Dawn hadn’t mentioned a word to me about this ring. Either she didn’t want me to know, or at least wanted to tell me in person. That had to be it, or else that ring would be hidden somewhere.

“Are you okay, Buffy?” Dawn asked. She might have said something before that but I missed it.

“I’m fine.” I took her hand so I could have a closer look at the ring and a touch of panic hit her eyes. “This is lovely, Dawn. It really is.” I meant that. I could see the puppy dog look in Dawn’s eyes when she glanced at Connor and vice versa. I wanted her to feel that sweet, innocent kind of love with a nice normal boy. He couldn’t have known what the Claddagh meant to me, sort of like poor Scott. That seemed so long ago, a life time or more.

She hugged me again, our foreheads touching. “Thank you, Buffy. I thought about you,” she whispered. “And I almost...”

“I’m glad you didn’t, Dawn,” I said, and then tried to stifle a yawn. “Sorry. Faith and I are beat.”

“Of course. We figured we were just going to drop by, say hi and say we want to take you to dinner tonight if you feel up to it.” Dawn gestured to Connor.

“You, too, Faith,” Connor piped up. I noticed the Claddagh on his finger now, too, plainer, pure silver but cut to reflect light. It was still fancier than Angel’s but Angel’s big hands were all I could see in my mind’s eye. Of course, this kid had big hands, too, too big for his delicate wrists.

“McDonalds or Wendy’s?” Faith asked, and Dawn gave her arm a warning whack.

“Oh, I was talking about something a little more sit down,” Connor said, “It’s my treat.”

“You don’t have to do that, Connor,” I said. I didn’t want him to feel he had to impress me and go broke doing it.

“I know but I want to. It’s okay. Dad said I could use the credit card. Believe me, he can afford it. Angel can come, too, if he likes,” Connor replied, seeing Angel on the second floor landing, just sort of watching us.

“We’d love it, thank you,” I said, shooting Angel a look. I knew how he was about eating but it wouldn’t kill him to be social for Dawn’s sake. Connor beamed at me. He looked a little relieved to have some additional company along. I could understand that. This has to be like meeting the parents for him because I’m as close as he’s going to get. It’s not like Dad is going to come strolling back into our lives.

“Great. Dawn and I would have picked you guys up today but Sid needed his car so I couldn’t borrow his Civic,” Connor said.

“Oh, like he’d let you.” Dawn sniffed. “Sid would have wanted to trade you for Baby.”

“Not in this lifetime,” Connor said, and I was thinking, ‘Baby?’ “Sid would have her wrapped around a pole.”

“Sports car?” I guessed uneasily. Ooo, I so don’t like the idea of Dawn’s boyfriend having a sports car.

The pride in Connor’s eyes was there for us all to see. “A ‘67 Mustang convertible, cherry.”

“Angel has a convertible,” Faith said, looping an arm around Connor’s shoulders. “Nice roomy back seat.” She smirked at Dawn who was eyeing her evilly for touching her man, and I could have throttled Faith.

Connor looked up at Angel expectantly. Angel just shrugged, coming down the stairs. “It’s a year newer than yours, a Belvedere GTX.”

The kid’s blue eyes brightened. He looked more excited by that car than he was to meet me. I’ll never understand men. “You have a Belvedere? Cool. Can I see it?”

Angel shot him that half smile that used to make me melt. “It’s in Wolfram and Hart’s garage right now but some night you and Dawn can come over and take it for a drive if you want.”

“Oh boy, a night of watching men drool on cars.” Dawn rolled her eyes but Connor was oblivious to her. I tried to swallow the giggle born from seeing her expression.

“Thanks. Come on, Dawn. We ought to roll so Buffy and Faith can get some sleep,” Connor said, looking at his watch.

“In other words, _Law and Order_ reruns are going to start soon and you have to get to a TV,” Dawn said, rolling her eyes some more.

He pouted, pulling her against his hip. What red lips this kid has. I was thinking is that natural or is it a shade of Clinque I ought to go look for. “We won’t make it back in time for that.”

“Angel has a TV. He won’t mind if we hang out down here, would you, Angel?” Dawn’s hand sneaked into Connor’s front pocket. Where did she learn to be naughty? _Get your hand out of there, little girl._

Angel shook his head. “I’ll be working but if you’re in the break room, you won’t bother me.”

“You have a TV?” I was surprised.

“Technically it’s Xander’s. He and Dawn insisted,” Angel replied.

“Smart me. Now I’m in for an afternoon of CourtTV,” Dawn moaned.

“Hey, we don’t have to watch it,” Connor said, looking a little miffed, disengaging himself from her.

“You’ll break out into hives if you miss it,” Dawn said, kissing him.

“I will not,” he protested weakly, the miffed look fading into defeat.

“Wednesday, Friday and Sunday, I know what’ll be on TV, _Law and Order_. Oops, forgot Saturday, like you’d miss an episode of _America’s Most Wanted_ ,” Dawn said. “If you want to commit the perfect murder, just ask me. Thanks to all those forensic programs he watches, I know exactly what not to do.”

“Now you tell me, after I get out of jail,” Faith said, chucking her on the shoulder. That throttling urge surfaced again.

“What?” Connor shot her a puzzled looked.

Dawn took his hand. “Tell you later. The TV’s this way.”

She didn’t get more than two steps before the door opened and Wes came in. I sighed. I was ready to fall down and sleep on the stairs, not meet and greet more friends. He looked surprised to see us all in the lobby.

“Oh, hello, Buffy, Faith. It’s good to see you,” he said, reaching for glasses that didn’t exist anymore. Guess he switched to contacts but his brain forgot to tell those long, nervous fingers of his. “Hello, Dawn, Connor. I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Is something up, Wes?” Angel looked all business-like.

Wes shook his head. “I just needed something from the office that I forgot. I won’t be long.”

As Wes headed into his office, a cellphone starts ringing and we all reach for our phones. I’m not sure why I am since mine doesn’t play “ _Margaritaville _,’ but I guess it’s reflex. Connor said hello into his phone, and then rolled his eyes. You could just see a teen-aged snit coming a mile off.__

__“Mom, what?” The eye roll was joined by a heavy sigh. “Mom, I’m busy. I’m meeting Dawn’s sister. Remember? I told you that. No, I haven’t changed my mind. I’ll be in Aspen next week... no, Mom, Dawn doesn’t want to come. This is the first chance she’s had to see Buffy since the semester started, and Buffy’s standing right here. I’m sure she wouldn’t be thrilled at the prospect of me and Dawn sharing a hotel room all Christmas.”_ _

__The kid’s a mind reader. I sure wouldn’t. Dawn was beet red at this point, and Faith was obviously amused. Angel looked upset. I couldn’t figure out why he was so concerned looking. I guess he took his role of ‘big brother’ to Dawn seriously just like Xander._ _

__“Mom, go shopping, have fun. I’ll be there just when I said I would. No, Mom, don’t put...no...hi Dad.” Connor sagged against the receptionist’s desk. “Yeah, next week. No, Dad, the grades aren’t out yet...no, I’m not lying. Dawn!” Connor held the phone out to my sister who yelled, ‘Grades aren’t posted yet, Mr. Murdock.’ Connor put the phone back to his cheek. “See, Dad. I’ll tell you the minute I know...I don’t know how I did in statistics, Dad. I told you that yesterday and the day before. I studied really hard but I think I still got a B. The world won’t end if I get a 3.8 this semester.” Connor set the phone on the desk, glaring at it._ _

__Dawn leaned in toward me and whispered, “The world’s going to end.”_ _

__“I can tell.”_ _

__Finally he scooped the phone back up. “Yes, Dad, I’m listening. Dad, I have to run. Buffy’s here, and I’m being really rude ignoring her to talk to you...Okay, the minute I know I’ll tell you. Oh, hey, Dad, it’s still okay to take everyone to the Pig ‘n Whistle, isn’t it? Buffy, Dawn, and I thought it would be nice if Faith and Angel could come along, Wes and Xander, too, and the rest. Yeah, that’s right, they all work for Wolfram and Hart, well, except for Buffy and Faith, of course. Okay, okay, I’ll get the receipt. Bye Dad. Love you.” Connor pocketed his phone and added, “Even if you drive me nuts.”_ _

__“Dinner’s still on?” Dawn asked._ _

__“Oh yeah, Dad wouldn’t miss out on entertaining some of Wolfram and Hart’s employees. They practice a different kind of law so they aren’t competition but they are a good contact so.” Connor shrugged. “I’m technically on the books at Dad’s firm as a customer service rep so this is one big business write off for him. Don’t be shy and just order a salad or something tonight.”_ _

__“Dawn didn’t mention your dad was a lawyer,” I said. “Going to follow in his footsteps?” I was surprised at the slightly offended look on Connor’s pale face. Didn’t this kid ever get any sun? Was Dawn looking for the Scoobie-pale type?_ _

__“No, but I’m not telling him that. I love my dad but really, he can be the biggest slime ball ambulance chaser out there. I’m not kidding, some of his ads are embarrassing. I don’t usually tell people I’m his kid. He does malpractice and personal injury law. Nursing homes are a favorite target. I didn’t tell him I was going to Whispering Pines with Dawn to visit Cordelia. He’d have me passing out business cards to the families to sue the home for neglect and to the workers to sue for injuries. He already made me give some to Xander and his construction crew.” Connor made a face. “I want to be a prosecutor. I want to speak for the victims. I figure I’ll tell Dad that once I’m committed to a track in law school, and it’s too late to change.”_ _

__The kid had plans for the future. I liked that. I wouldn’t mind Dawn dating that kind of lawyer. Then I realized the kid came from money and Dawn hadn’t mentioned that either. Of course, he was planning on deceiving his father but I couldn’t blame him. I took another hard look at Angel since he had the most peculiar expression on his face and had had since the phone rang. He looked like someone was carving his heart out with a dull spoon. I guess seeing Dawn and Connor reminded him of things he’d never have, and it hurt seeing Angel like that._ _

__“Found it,” Wes said, coming back out of the office. “I’ll have time to visit with you and Faith tomorrow, Buffy.”_ _

__“Good.”_ _

__“Wes, I was going to take everyone out tonight for dinner. Would you like to come? I was thinking eightish,” Connor said. “That’ll give Buffy and Faith time to rest up or is that too late?”_ _

__“It’s fine with me,” I said._ _

__“I’d like that, thank you, Connor,” Wes said. “Shall we all meet here?”_ _

__“Yes,” Angel said. “Bring the GTX.”_ _

__Wes nodded and headed out._ _

__“Let’s find that TV,” Dawn said. “I’ll call Xander and the others and see if they want to come. It’s casual dress.”_ _

__I watched Dawn pull Connor away and then headed up the steps. Faith bounced up ahead of me. I took Angel’s arm as I walked._ _

__“Is something wrong?” I asked, quietly._ _

__He shook his head. “Nothing.”_ _

__“You look...upset,” I said, carefully. He sighed. The look in his dark eyes said he didn’t want to talk period._ _

__“I’m fine. Really. I’m just a little tired, too, I guess. It is early in the day for me.”_ _

__“I was thinking maybe it had to do with Connor,” I said, and he gave me a sharp look. I had hit a nerve but I had no idea why. “You didn’t sound thrilled about him last week when you told me about him. He seems like a sweet kid but I thought there was some tension between you two when he first arrived.”_ _

__“I think he thought I was spying on him and Dawn when I saw them in that club. He didn’t like that. It’s nothing. I don’t even know the kid, really,” he said but I could see how uncomfortable he was. He wasn’t going to tell me why though. I knew Angel well enough to know that so I let it drop._ _

__“I guess that would make anyone a little irritated. I’m going to hit the bed for a little while. Faith and I ran into a nest of vampires in Tower City and spent most of the night running them down. I mean, they were ruining a perfectly good upscale shopping center.” I managed a smile and he wagged his head._ _

__“Did Faith shoplift anything?”_ _

__“I think I saw a Fendi purse in her suitcase last night.” Some things about Faith hadn’t changed. “I’m glad you’re coming with us tonight, Angel. It means a lot to Dawn.” It meant a lot to me, too, but I didn’t have to tell him that. He knew. I could see it in his eyes._ _

__“I’m just wondering what’s on the menu I can actually taste.” Angel stopped by my luggage where he had left it waiting in the corridor until I chose a room._ _

__“Spike used to swear by the Bronze’s blooming onions.” As soon as those words were out of my mouth I wanted them back. Why did I bring up Spike? I gave Angel an apologetic look._ _

__“I’ll keep that in mind.” He managed not to sound cold. “Need a tour of this place first?”_ _

__“Nope, just point me to the first unoccupied room.” He did and I flopped down and caught up on sleep._ _

__When I woke up, I showered, feeling much better. I was getting my nice holiday but even thinking that I was also thinking I had jinxed it. Yes, there were bumps in the road, like that ring, my bringing up Spike, but that was minor stuff. I was more curious as to why Angel was acting weirder than normal._ _

__I finally opened my suitcase and hung everything up. I tried to find the least wrinkled things I had. I’m a lousy packer and it was hard to figure out what to bring. Faith and I had taken to wearing heavy sweaters and turtlenecks in Cleveland but that was too hot for here. I selected chocolate slacks and a green handkerchief-hemmed gauzy camisole top. It was sort of 70’s in style and I looked good in it. I knew Angel would notice and besides, they were the least wrinkled of the bunch and should be appropriate for the restaurant._ _

__Faith was on the landing as I came out of my room. She looked revived. “I could kill for a drink.”_ _

__“There’s a kitchen in here somewhere.”_ _

__Faith rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but you know Angel’s not going to have the good stuff.”_ _

__“You may have to make do with water.” I followed her down the stairs, thinking I could go for a cappuccino right now._ _

__Faith went off in search of liquid refreshment, and I went to find Angel. His office was empty and rather lacking in business touches. I knew he no longer technically worked here but I could tell this had been his room. I could almost sense him here. The books were things Angel would have and most surprisingly were all the sketches around the room. I had never known Angel to display his work. He was good. I had known that, remembering the sketches he sent me as Angelus. These pictures were happier. There was a particularly nice one of Dawn. I might ask him if I could have it._ _

__I left the office, heading for the basement steps. Angel was coming up. He must have heard us moving around. Faith came back with dual glasses before I could say anything to him._ _

__“Found coke,” she said, handing me a glass._ _

__“Thanks, Faith.”_ _

__“And I’d avoid the TV room if I were you unless you want to see Dawn pinning twig boy down on the couch.” Faith’s wrinkled her nose. “At least I think it was Dawn on top. Have you noticed that they have almost the same hair color and the same body type?”_ _

__“Faith.” Okay, she had a point. I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t really even want to think about Dawn kissing a boy. I wasn’t ready for her to be dating, and I could hear Mom’s voice echoing in my head, saying those words to me about Angel._ _

__“I’m not kidding.” Faith shot a shit-eating grin at me. “Don’t worry. They’re still both clothed.”_ _

__“They had best be,” Angel said for me. He looked as grouchy as I felt._ _

__“At least now they are.” Faith’s grin broadened._ _

__“My sister is not having sex with that boy,” I said quickly, and then thought about it. Who am I kidding? She’s in college now, all hormonal and ready to go. He might not be much to look at but Dawn, Wes and Xander all seemed to think he was bright. She could do much worse. I certainly had._ _

__“Yeah, right. He’s a rich frat boy with a cool car. She’s doing him.”_ _

__“Faith!” I felt my cheeks burning. She was crude but she was only saying what I was thinking. I looked to Angel for help. “Tell her, Angel.”_ _

__“Well, they were watching TV today. I’d have heard them otherwise.” He looked relieved that he hadn’t. “But I think Faith’s a little more right than you on this.”_ _

__I eyed him evilly. He had known and hadn’t told me. Of course, why should he? Dawn was older than I was when I first slept with Angel. At least her lover was alive and normal. Before I could say anything, Dawn came into the lobby carrying a gym bag._ _

__“Buffy, I’m going to go change in your room, if you don’t mind. I can’t wear this to the Pig ‘n Whistle.” She tugged on her T-shirt._ _

__“Sure, go ahead. Does Connor need Faith’s room to do the same?” I asked._ _

__“No, he’s already changed,” she said, and then caught my look and flushed. “In the bathroom. Get your mind out of the gutter.” She shoved me._ _

__“That would be more convincing, hon, if your hair wasn’t a mess and your bra wasn’t tucked into your pocket.” Faith pointed at the bulge._ _

__Dawn turned redder and raced upstairs. Words escaped me. I hadn’t expected Dawn to be so bold._ _

__Faith snorted. “I’m bored. I’m going out to check out the kid’s car.”_ _

__“Whatever you do, don’t hot-wire it, Faith,” I said, and she just shrugged. I glanced over at Angel. “Dare I go talk to the kid alone?”_ _

__There was a hint of amusement in those chocolately eyes. “Want reinforcements?”_ _

__I grabbed his hand before he could change his mind, dragging him along. Connor didn’t notice us come in. He was leaning on his knees, intently watching someone demonstrating blood splatter patterns on the TV. He looked pretty cool and calm for someone who had just been pawing my kid sister’s breasts, the little pervert._ _

__“No way it happened the way the perp said it did.” Connor gestured at the TV. I guess he had heard us after all. “The blood splatters are all wrong.”_ _

__“Know something about blood?” There was something cold in my voice. I didn’t want him to know anything about blood or death or how to kill. He glanced back over the couch at me. He seemed even paler now that he had changed his shirt for one the color of blood. He looked handsome but ghostly. “I just finished a class in it. Took one on serial killers, easy A’s.”_ _

__“Sort of morbid, don’t you think?” This wasn’t really what I wanted for Dawn. I didn’t want her to have to think about stuff like this. The program was now showing morgue photos. I was surprised at the grisly things they were allowing on television._ _

__“I guess, but it’s important stuff. The more we know, the harder it is for criminals to get away.” The look in his blue eyes told me be believed that, an idealist then._ _

__“And seeing dead people doesn’t bother you?” Angel pointed to the pictures. He seemed disappointed or concerned._ _

__“Not as much as I thought it would. I did an internship at the LA county morgue last summer. Dad wasn’t thrilled with that but it was really helpful.” Connor’s full lips pulled into a frown. “The smell is what bothered me the most. Well, some of the really violent stuff...I don’t think you can get used to that. Those are the ones I want to see punished the most.” He fell silent for a moment, glancing back at the TV. “I can turn it off if it’s bugging you. We’re about ready to go, as soon as Wes and Xander get here. Is Faith ready?”_ _

__“Yes. Fred and Gunn aren’t coming?” Angel asked. The look of dismay in his eyes had spread to take over his whole face as Connor had talked. I didn’t even want to think about what this child had volunteered to see in the LA morgue, and I think both Angel and I were grateful for the change in topic._ _

__“I never did get hold of Gunn. Wes said he was out of the office, and he didn’t know where. Fred’s running some experiment that she can’t take time away from,” Connor answered, getting up. He turned off the television. He had on black slacks now. God, he was so thin. I know I have no room to talk but he made even Spike look heavy. He was probably the same height as Spike. And standing there in red and black, helped complete the image. Please tell me Dawn’s crush on Spike hadn’t translated into her finding this kid. No, Dawn had come to nearly hate Spike for what he had done to me. “Dawn shouldn’t take too awfully long to get ready.”_ _

__“Are you sure you know my sister?” I smiled at him._ _

__He laughed. “Okay, so we have an hour or so. Are you glad to be out of Cleveland?”_ _

__“I won’t be missing the ice and snow. Are you from California, Connor?” This was hard. I hate making small talk. I used to be so good at it back in Hemery, back before I was Called but not anymore. I didn’t even really want to get to know new people. I’d just have to lie to them about what I did or worry that I might get them killed. Connor looked equally uncomfortable with it._ _

__He nodded. “Yeah, but I’ve been all over on vacation. I liked Alaska a lot.”_ _

__“Oh good, more cold. Still, the chill does make it feel more like Christmas than here does. This place could use a few Christmas touches,” I said, glancing around the room._ _

__“Tomorrow, the tree trimming should take care of that,” Connor said._ _

__Angel’s brow knit. “Tree trimming?”_ _

__“Didn’t Fred tell you?” A concerned look flitted across his wan face. “She’s getting a big tree and we’re all invited. She planned a pot luck dinner, too. She even invited Sid.”_ _

__“I live here and know nothing but Sid knows.” Angel paused, cocking his head at the boy. “Who’s Sid?”_ _

__“Sidney LeBeau, he’s my friend. He was with me and Dawn at the club,” Connor replied and Angel nodded, obvious remembering who Connor meant._ _

__“Well, I think a tree trimming sounds like fun,” I said. “About tonight, any suggestions for dinner, Connor?”_ _

__He nodded and I wish he hadn’t. He reminded me of those bobble-head dolls. “Wasabi mash potatoes.”_ _

__I made a face. “What’s wasabi?”_ _

__“Japanese horseradish. It’s good,” he said, looking past me._ _

__I turned to see Dawn bounce in dressed a little like me in a paisley handkerchief shirt and blue pants. Her clogs were right out of the 70’s and put her a good two inches over Connor. He didn’t seem to mind. He was probably used to it. I think she might be taller than him in her bare feet._ _

__“Faith said Wes and Xander just pulled up. Ready?” Dawn asked._ _

__“Yep.” Connor took her hand, sparing me more awkward small talk._ _

__We went outside and Xander swamped me in a hug. He was looking good, slimmer than I remembered him. His new glass eye was so good I wouldn’t have known what it was unless I had looked at him for a few moments. My heart clenched thinking about how I had gotten him maimed. When he let me go and quit babbling about how much he missed me, I noticed Connor separated from Dawn quickly, seeing the Angelmobile. His eyes were as big as saucers as he examined the car. “She’s beautiful,” he told Angel excitedly. Angel looked oddly pleased. I hadn’t known he cared about things like cars._ _

__“The car’s beautiful?” Dawn looked cross. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you call anything beautiful and it’s a car.”_ _

__“I’ve called you beautiful before,” he replied, but it sounded like reflex. He was totally into the car. I think Dawn was likely to give him an extreme close up of the hood if Connor wasn’t careful._ _

__“Are we all being friendly and squeezing in here?” Xander asked a little nervously._ _

__“I can drive, too,” Connor said, gesturing at the red convertible parked just behind Angel’s car. “I’ll lead the way.”_ _

__“No street racing.” Faith grinned, almost encouraging him to try it._ _

__“No worries. I know I can’t take the Belvedere.” Connor opened the door for Dawn. I liked seeing that._ _

__The front of the restaurant reminded me a little of an old theater and the inside made me feel like I was in a time warp. I couldn’t begin to describe the ornate wood beams and Xander seemed captivated by them. I guess he was really getting into the whole preservation stuff now, especially working on Angel’s hotel. The table was cozy and the wall sconces gave the place a warm light. I liked Connor’s taste._ _

__“Is that Elizabeth Hurley over there?” Xander whispered._ _

__“Could be. Stars do come here,” Connor replied as a blonde waitress bopped over to our table._ _

__“Hi, my name is Mercy and I’ll be your server. Can I...oh, hi, Connor, Dawn. How are you guys tonight?” The blond grinned at them as she passed out the menus._ _

__“Great, Mercy. I didn’t know you were working tonight,” Connor said, uneasily. I didn’t like that look. A second girlfriend? What’s wrong with me? I was too busy envisioning disaster for poor Dawn’s love life. Hopefully she’ll do better than I ever did._ _

__“Almost every night anymore. Couldn’t you get your usual room?” Mercy asked._ _

__“Usual room?” I raised an eyebrow. What kind of kid had a usual room?_ _

__“The blue room. It’s so romantic. It has a private bar and you can have dinner for two on a canopy bed,” Mercy said and I could hear my teeth grinding. “Or you can rent it out for parties.”_ _

__“Mercy, try having a little of your namesake, okay,” Connor said, as red as his shirt. “We’re with family.”_ _

__“Oh, are you his mom?” she asked directly to me._ _

__Mom? Okay, it should be all right to slay a few humans now and again. Xander, Dawn and Faith were offering themselves up for Slaying, too, if they didn’t stop giggling. “Mercy, that’s Buffy, Dawn’s sister. Why don’t you tell us the specials?” Connor suggested, half hiding behind his menu. Dinner in bed? I was so going to have a talk with this kid or just find a new place to shove a stake._ _

__Mercy did so, took our drink orders and spun her ditzy way toward the bar._ _

__“Um, so, any suggestions?” Wes asked, trying to break the tension._ _

__“Connor suggested the wasabi mash potatoes,” I said, willing to let it go for now._ _

__“Oh no, don’t get those, Buffy. I took one bite of his the last time we were here and my nose ran all night. It was that hot,” Dawn said, wrinkling her nose. “I couldn’t taste anything afterwards.”_ _

__“They’re delicious,” Connor argued. “They have great calamari here. I prefer the red pepper garlic sauce over the tomato.”_ _

__Wes’s blue eyes lit up. “I do like calamari.”_ _

__“Isn’t that squid?” Faith made a queasy face._ _

__“Yes,” Dawn said, sharply. “Just know, Connor, if you get that I’m not touching squid lips for the rest of the night.”_ _

__Connor stared at her open-mouthed, and then shrugged. “Want to share an order, Wes?”_ _

__“Yes, I would.”_ _

__I stared at the menu. The prices were higher than I was comfortable with and I wasn’t used to eating half the things on the menu. I knew if I got the Pig ‘n Whistle burger, I’d hurt Connor’s feelings. He wanted to show us a good time, something better than burgers. Besides, the cheese ravioli with tiger prawns were calling my name. How often did I get to eat stuff like that? I asked if he’d ever tried it._ _

__“Dawn has.”_ _

__“It’s yummy, but I think I’ll get the grilled veggies,” Dawn said and I was shocked those cost more than the burger. “How about you, Angel?” I think Dawn was as nervous as I was that he’d eat nothing._ _

__“I was thinking about the grilled cracker crust pizza,” he replied, looking somehow embarrassed that he was about to eat something. I looked at the menu, smoked salmon and onion pizza. I guess he took my thing about Spike and the onions to heart. “But that might be big enough for two.”_ _

__“It is. I was thinking of that myself. Want to share?” Connor asked and Angel flinched. I would swear to it. What was up with him and this kid? He was acting so weird, even for Angel who tended to define the word._ _

__“All right.”_ _

__“Sure, get the fish and onions. Not like I’m going to kiss you later,” Dawn said. “Squid lips.”_ _

__“You should give the squid a chance,” he replied, unoffended._ _

__While they dickered back and forth about the squid, Mercy returned with our drinks. Wes seemed utterly pleased that they had Shepherd’s pie. I’ve had that at Giles’. I’m not sure why it would make anyone pleased. Xander went for the ribs and Faith for the steak and decided to share some California nachos with everyone. Mercy wrote it all down with an intent look, as if afraid to screw up._ _

__“Great, I’ll get this in and bring out your appetizers first,” she said. “Oh, and Connor, we’re having the coven yule party day after tomorrow. Everyone will be disappointed if you’re not there.” Mercy bounced off, not noticing the instant quiet of the table._ _

__“Coven?” I asked, horror in my voice. How could Dawn get involved with a mage? Then I saw the look on her face. She seemed confused._ _

__“Sidney’s into Wicca,” Dawn said. “He’s Connor’s friend but why would you be going to the party, Connor?”_ _

__“Um.” He ran a finger over his water glass, catching condensation. “I’ve sort of been going to the coven meetings, too.”_ _

__Dawn’s face hardened. “And when were you planning on tell me?”_ _

__“When I was sure I was going to stick with it or not. And I wasn’t sure what you’d say.” A defensive look flooded into his eyes. “I know it sounds weird but this stuff...it’s...”_ _

__“Real?” Dawn asked, harshly. “I told you I know some witches. Everyone at this table knows magic is real.”_ _

__Connor looked around uncomfortably at all of us. It had to be sort of a scary position for him. He could tell none of us approved. And yet in the back of my head there was this voice saying, ‘a mage would be okay for Dawn. She wants to be a Watcher. This kid could be an asset.’_ _

__“And we know it’s nothing to be played with or treated lightly,” Wesley said, cautiously._ _

__“We don’t.” Connor’s jaw tightened. I could see the restrained temper in his big eyes. He had to feel under siege, and I felt suddenly sorry for him but better he understood what he was doing then end up badly. He swallowed hard, and then continued, “Play around, that is. Our elder is very strict about that but I just don’t know about her.”_ _

__Oh, I hated this. That little voice in my head saying it was okay was so wrong. I wanted normal for Dawn. A budding wizard isn’t normal. And Angel looked utterly stricken. I guessed he had come to see himself as Dawn’s protector, and he hated this as much as I did. “What don’t you know about?” My voice was stern enough to make Giles proud._ _

__“She likes money, a little too much. That’s what Mercy’s doing there. Mercy’s daddy’s in real estate but he earned his money, like my Dad did. He thinks she needs to work, hence her being here but he does give her a big allowance.”_ _

__“And the elder wants a tithe.” Angel sounded positively dark, and I saw it had an effect on the kid._ _

__Connor bit his lip, nodding. “Yeah. Most of the coven are wealthy students. We’ve learned a lot already. Some of us are good at it, others not so. Those are the ones she asks for more money from for tutorials. Like Mercy. I mean, she’s no rocket scientist. She’s better suited for her other career as frat bicycle.”_ _

__“Connor!” Dawn hissed._ _

__“What? It’s true. That’s why I don’t like her. She’s cheap. I mean, she’s sweet but she’ll sleep with anyone if she thinks it’ll get her somewhere. I hate that,” he said, and the anger in his face made me believe he meant it. I also thought maybe somewhere along the way he’d gotten used for his money. “I was thinking about dropping out. I hadn’t told Sid yet since he’s so into this. But I don’t like having to pay to get to the next level, and I’m not sure why the next level has transmogrification spells as part of it. Explain why I’d want to be a rat or a snake.”_ _

__Xander and I exchanged glances at that. I had been a rat once. It wasn’t a good thing._ _

__“To get into small places,” Wesley said. “And that’s a dangerous spell. You could get stuck that way.”_ _

__“Trust us on that, Connor. We knew someone who did,” I said. All I wanted was a nice normal dinner but even here magic had to pollute it. I couldn’t sum up my disappointment._ _

__He seemed unfazed by that. “I was afraid of that. And some of the other spells are questionable. I feel more like I’m being groomed to be a thief or something.”_ _

__“Why?” Angel’s voice was so harsh, Connor started, staring at him with big eyes._ _

__“Let’s just say I haven’t met a lock I can’t open.” He spun his finger and added, “Alohamora.”_ _

__I recognized that from Harry Potter. Connor fell silent as Mercy came back with the nachos and calamari. That changed the topic back to what Dawn and he had been up to in school and what Faith and I had been doing in Cleveland. I learned that while Connor was obviously tight with his family, he and his father didn’t see eye to eye. Connor was the polar opposite in many respects, which seemed to make him a tree-hugging democrat with a strong sense of justice. Angel just continued to look dismayed every time Connor mentioned his family. I’d have to ask him if he had done a personal check into this kid’s family while he was looking out for Dawn._ _

__Dinner was good. I even sampled the calamari. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Angel let Connor eat the majority of the pizza but if the kid noticed he didn’t say anything. Once the magic part of the conversation was killed, the rest of our evening was pleasant. I did like Connor, despite the magic. I guess even that couldn’t be all bad. It was just that I knew what it could lead to. Willow and Giles had done more good then they had bad with their spells but still there were others, like Ethan. Connor paid with a platinum card which Faith couldn’t stop playing with. Neither she nor I had ever seen one of those before. I think it embarrassed him._ _

__“Want me to drop you by the hotel, Dawn, or take you to Xander’s?” Connor was asking as we headed for our cars. “Or do you just want to ride back with them?”_ _

__“Whatever you want,” Dawn said. “If you want to go home, I’ll get a ride back with Angel.”_ _

__Angel, Faith and I all froze. We sensed the vampires in the lot even before we saw them. They were on us that fast._ _

__“Ooo, look, well fed morsels, just for us,” one of them said._ _

__“Shit,” Faith swore._ _

__Dawn was in motion, pulling Connor away so he couldn’t see what we were about to do. One of the vampires broke after them as she hustled him toward the car. I killed him before he knew what hit him. It didn’t take long to fill the lot with vampire dust. It was even fairly noiseless. We caught up to Dawn and Connor._ _

__“What was that?” he asked, craning his head to see where the vampires had gone._ _

__“Street punks,” I said._ _

__“Wusses,” Faith said. “B and I throw out drunks tougher than that every day of the week.”_ _

__She and I had told everyone we were bartenders and bouncers down in the Cleveland Flats. It was actually how we supplemented the paltry salary the Council gave us. Connor didn’t seem to believe us but he said nothing. He was busy looking at Angel who was staring back with fear in his eyes. I couldn’t imagine why. The vampire gang had barely gotten close to Connor._ _

__“Come on, baby. Drive me back to Xander’s,” Dawn said, putting a hand on him._ _

__Our drive back to the hotel was quiet as if we were all afraid to say something. Had it been luck we were there to protect Dawn and Connor or were we merely magnets for this sort of thing? Angel was silent as stone all the way home. When we got to the hotel someone was waiting on the stairs. I didn’t know him but he was short and good looking. He looked out of place in a cowboy hat and boots still smudged with red clay. And he looked terrified._ _

__“Lindsey,” Angel growled. “What are you doing here?”_ _

__“You’ll thank me for coming. You’re in trouble. A lot of it,” Lindsey said then swallowed hard. “And I’m pretty much a dead man.”_ _

__I felt the pasta turning to lead in my stomach. There went my nice holiday. I just knew it._ _

__

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note - I probably misspelled that Harry Potter unlocking spell. Sorry about that. And more importantly, the Pig ‘n Whistle was a real restaurant on Hollywood Blvd in Hollywood. While I’ve never been there, it looks like a fascinating place. The menu reflects what was available back in 2003


	6. CHAPTER SIX – ANGEL:  The New Arrival, December 2004

CHAPTER SIX – ANGEL: The New Arrival, December 2004

As if this day wasn’t bad enough, having to have Buffy here without really knowing where we stand and having to go to dinner with my son, now Lindsey was on my doorstep. He looked scared, and I really didn’t need this.

We arranged ourselves around the hotel lobby, leaving Lindsey more or less in the center. He didn’t care for it, judging from the look in his eyes. And I had to concentrate on why he was back. I would have bet Lindsey would never come back in L.A.. If I had known then what I know now I might have tried to stop him from leaving. I’m shocked Wolfram and Hart hadn’t hunted him down. Lilah’s death hadn’t freed her. Maybe Lindsey had a different contract than she did. For his sake, I hope so. Still, something had brought him to my door step.

“Talk,” I said.

Lindsey curled his lip at me. “Still pleasant as ever.”

“You didn’t come back here to exchange pleasantries,” I snapped. I wasn’t in a mood to deal with Lindsey’s usual slipperiness. Hell, dealing with him normally put me in a bad mood.

He took out his wallet and removed a piece of well-folded paper. He handed it to Wes who unfolded it, reading it out loud.

“‘Dear Mr. MacDonald, as per your contract agreement, you shall report for work at our L.A. branch on Monday the twentieth, 2004. You will find temporary lodgings with your immediate supervisor, Mr. Angel, at the Hyperion Hotel. Details of your first assignment will be disclosed when you report to work. Your lapsed Bar dues have been paid. Failure to show will result in sanctions as described in your contract’.”

“Work for us or we take your soul,” Faith said, crossing her arms across her chest.

“I didn’t sign that sort of contract but let’s just say I’d die a lot more horribly than I even want to think about. So I came here playing twenty questions with myself.” Lindsey took off his hat, ruffling his hair. It was shorter than the last time I’d seen it. “Starting with what in the hell are you doing, Angel? I didn’t believe that letter at first or the taunting little note Lilah tucked in there with it. I had to call and find out for myself. Have you gone insane?”

“Things have changed with Wolfram and Hart,” Wes said in our defense.

“In your dreams.” Lindsey snorted. “The Senior Partners are threatening to have me murdered, tell me how that’s a change?”

“I’d like to know that myself,” Buffy interrupted, and I was surprised by the fire in her eyes. “On the way here, Faith told me that Wolfram and Hart are the ones who asked her to kill you.” Buffy’s eyes narrowed. “Explain to me how they’ve suddenly changed so much we can allow my sister to work for them?”

“It’s okay, Buffy. She’s just OPS, no contracts involved,” Wes said before I could say anything. He wilted, realizing that only made things worse.

“Tell me you didn’t do anything as moronic as sign a contract,” Lindsey said, his mouth dropping open.

I was beginning to feel as stupid as he seemed to think I was. “There were extenuating circumstances,” I said weakly.

“Let’s start hearing them, Angel.” Buffy stalked over to me, her fists jammed into her hips.

“It all started with The Beast. When Lilah died we thought we had lost our last hook in Wolfram and Hart,” Wes said, and I started pacing the room. I couldn’t look at Buffy and the accusations written on her face.

“Lilah’s dead?” Lindsey’s eyes bugged. “Then how...” His face slowly melted like ashen wax into a look of utter horror. “She finally made it, didn’t she? She was the one running things for the Senior Partners. That’s when they make you sign the beyond death contract.”

“Lilah’s dead?” Xander asked, seeming more surprised the second time around. “I’m working for a dead woman?”

“No, you work for me, which I suppose I’m dead too, technically, ” I said. “Lilah just likes to pretend she’s boss. She wears the scarves and turtle necks to hide where Wes cut off her head.”

Lindsey’s eyebrows rose. “You cut off Lilah’s head.”

Wes managed to look guilty, and I shifted uncomfortably. “Lilah’s decapitation was my fault.”

“We thought Angelus had killed her,” Wes said. “We didn’t want to chance her coming back. We had too many other worries.”

“Yes.” Lindsey nodded. “L.A.’s brief descent into eternal darkness was world news.”

“So what is she?” Buffy asked. “Obviously not another vampire.”

“No,” I replied. “I’m not sure what to call Lilah. She’s too mentally intact to be a zombie. She’s simply been dragged back from hell, animated flesh, her own words.” I said and judging by the look in Buffy’s kaleidoscope eyes that was utterly the wrong thing to say.

“You’re not this dumb, Angel.” Lindsey’s voice was cold, matching the ice in his blue eyes. “I mean you have never been too smart.”

“Smart enough to stop you every time,” I shot back. _Not good, Angel, you’re just letting him know he’s getting to you._

“Fine. So you should be smart enough to know that Wolfram and Hart doesn’t change. And if you aren’t.” Lindsey stalked over to Wes. “You were, Wyndham-Price. How could you sign onto this?”

“It was an executive decision. I was told after the fact,” Wes said, then slumped, embarrassment edging onto his thin face. “But I was ready to sign on. We all were. You have no idea what they offered us. The chances to do good, the scientific resources, the mystical texts. They could truly aid our cause.” Wes pounded his fist into the palm of his hand, excitedly punctuating the pluses of the deal.

Lindsey snorted again. “You think I don’t know how tempting Wolfram and Hart can make it look? How they can blind side you? Trust me, you’ve been had and you don’t even know it yet.”

“So far they’ve kept their word. They’ve stayed out of our way, and they’re done nothing to stop us for more than a year,” I said emphatically, like I was trying to convince myself more than anyone else. I was failing miserably. This was the first time we had taken our new boat out to sea, and it was sinking fast. “We’ve helped a lot of people since we’ve signed on.”

“I don’t doubt you have.” Lindsey came to roost on the circular couch. I wanted to shoo him off. That was Connor’s couch. He was the one who liked to perch there. “What you have to ask yourself is what have they been doing while you guys were playing hero?”

I wanted to protest. They couldn’t have snuck anything past us. I could see that same protest in Wes’ eyes but the truth was Wolfram and Hart could have been doing anything. Wes and Fred were so over the moon about their new resources, they barely left the office. Who knew what Gunn was up to? And we all had Cordy on our minds. As for me, Connor occupied my every waking thought to the point I thought I might be going as mad as Dru, a fitting punishment really.

“Ask yourselves why am I here?” Lindsey stared straight at me, thumping his cowboy hat back on. The effect was disconcerting. It’s surprising how much a hat can hide. All I was really aware of were the intense blue eyes burning holes in me.

“I’m guessing it’s not because the divorce cases have started to pile up while you were...” Faith’s brow wrinkled. “Where the hell were you hiding out?”

“Oklahoma.”

“Good choice. Nobody willing goes there,” Faith shot back.

I could see his mouth twist unpleasantly. “He’s an Okie,” I told her but she didn’t look apologetic.

“So what now?” Buffy asked, catching up to me, matching my pacing. “You can’t be thinking that this is mere coincidence, and that there isn’t something wrong? You can’t keep working for them.”

“Actually I can,” I said, and she gave me a look that said she thought I was insane. “If we quit now, it’ll tip them off that we know something is wrong.”

“We’re in a good position now to pry into their dealings secretly,” Wes added.

“There’s just one problem,” Lindsey said and in a flash my mind cleared enough to realize what he was thinking.

“If you’re here, then it’s already in motion. They’d never have sent you here to stay with me otherwise,” I said, burying my hands in my pockets to hide their clenching.

“Exactly. This is just Lilah’s way of rubbing your face in it,” Lindsey said.

“Then we’ll have to work fast and try to head it off,” Wes said.

“Why are we always two steps behind?” Faith asked, tugging at a lock of her dark hair.

“No matter where we are; here, Cleveland, Sunnydale,” Buffy snarled. “We’re always in the dark until too late. Just for once I’d like to know what the hell is going on. All I wanted is one nice, quiet holiday. I should have known better.” She stomped her foot, and then gave us all an apologetic look. “Sorry, I know that was selfish and childish especially since the end of the world is probably coming yet again. That’s how these things always turn out.”

“Wolfram and Hart being finally ready to execute their end of days would explain why they called me back,” Lindsey said, rubbing at a spot on his boot with the toe of the other one.

Buffy’s eyes bugged. “You’re telling me they actually have plans for the end of the world?” She whirled on me. “Did you know, Angel?”

“They abandoned the plan,” I said weakly, wondering how I could ever have believed that; Connor, it always comes back to him. The price for giving my son a better life was always high but I thought I was the only one paying for it with my heartache. Now the whole world might pay for it. There hadn’t been time to think through my actions. I did it impulsively, desperate to save my child. It might have been better to sacrifice him but I couldn’t do it. For the first time, I understood my own father. I had always thought him to be ogrish, and in many ways, I still did, but now I could see how much he indulged me. How hard it was to say no to your child, how you’d do anything for them. Please let this be salvageable.

“I should have known better than to take any job Dead Boy offered me,” Xander grumbled and I couldn’t even muster a protest.

“You’ve made your case for trying to maintain the status quo but I want Dawn out of there. If she won’t quit, you fire her,” Buffy insisted, grabbing my arm, dragging me to a halt.

“Fine.” I rubbed a hand over my face and added tiredly, “Now what?”

“We start the research. Should we cancel the party tomorrow?” Wes asked.

“No,” I replied. “Lilah knows about it. We’ll just carry on like usual. Let her think that we’re too dumb to know anything’s wrong. Wes, you and I can do the bulk of the work. Buffy, you, Faith and Xander can keep Dawn and her friends occupied.”

“What about me?” Lindsey asked. “I can help with the research.”

I stared at him in shock. I didn’t think he would volunteer so easily and oddly, I believed he wanted to help. His blue eyes were wide, earnest. He didn’t want to be back here. He had made his break, had a new and maybe better life. He was afraid and he had inside knowledge albeit old, of Wolfram and Hart. I could definitely use Lindsey.

“Thanks, Lindsey. Why don’t we get you into a room,” I said.

“I’ll get my stuff.” Lindsey headed for the door.  
“Need help?” Xander asked.

“Thanks.”

Lindsey was out the door, all of us moving numbly behind him. Buffy spared me a vicious look. I couldn’t blame her. I had put her sister at risk. We caught up to the others in time to watch Lindsey undo a bungee cord and remove two suitcases and a guitar case from the bed of his truck. He set it all down on the sidewalk, then opened the truck.

“Sorry, girl. I didn’t mean to be so long,” Lindsey said and I could smell dog.

A large bloodhound lolloped out of the truck, its lead in Lindsey’s hand. He patted the beast’s head.

“You have a dog,” I said, dispirited. It was one too many surprises for one day. Besides, dogs didn’t like me or most vampires. I think it was our scent.

“This is Vi,” Lindsey said, picking up his guitar. Xander and Faith had his suitcases.

Vi started growling at me and Lindsey said something to her in German, I think. It wasn’t my best language.

“She used to be a cadaver dog,” Lindsey said. “But she had hip dysplasia. I paid for her surgery and the police force retired her into my care. She gets excited by the smell of dead things.” Lindsey flashed me a cold smile. “But with you, Angel, it’s personal.”

“What?” I was too surprised to be more erudite.

“Remember that cute little sign you hung on my truck?” Lindsey’s grin went more wicked. “I put it in plastic to help retain the scent and Vi and I have been having lots of fun attacking the Angel dummy, haven’t we girl?” He ruffled the dog’s head, loose skin flapping everywhere. Xander snickered. Oh sure, trust him to find this funny.

“Thanks for training your dog to hunt and kill me,” I sneered.

“You’re welcome,” he said cheerily and took the beast into my home after letting her water the grass. “Couldn’t risk you coming after me so I was prepared.”

Just what I needed, a cowboy lawyer and his hound, both of whom despised me. No one waited for me to go upstairs, Faith and Buffy playing hostess. I was getting the distinct impression I was being ignored. Faith managed to steer Lindsey into a room across from her. That was far from shocking.

“Lindsey,” I said as he went into the bedroom. “Dawn’s friends are normal college kids. They don’t know about stuff like this.” Was that a lie? Connor and his friends were into magic. I had no idea if it went beyond mere candle lighting and incense or not. It sounded like Connor could do real magic. I would shelter him, regardless. “I’d like to keep it that way.”

“Of course.”

“And the courtyard should be fine if you want to let Vi run loose,” I added.

Lindsey’s expression softened a bit. “Thanks.”

“Just make sure you clean up after her.”

He rolled his eyes and closed the door. I turned and found myself surrounded by my friends. I edged past them. “I have to go. There’s someone I have to talk to,” I mumbled. No one stopped me but Buffy followed me out to the car.

“Plan on telling me about these extenuating circumstances?” she asked.

I scrubbed a hand through my hair. It felt stiff, in need of a wash. “Not yet, no. I’m sorry and I’m more sorry about Dawn.”

Buffy seemed to sag, and then hugged me impulsively. It felt good, that bit of forgiveness because it was the only bit I would get. I couldn’t forgive myself. “Angel, I know something’s wrong. You’ve been so distant all year. I know I haven’t been...well, let’s just say Wes and Fred have noticed it too and asked me if I had any ideas. I thought maybe it was all the changes in the world with Cordelia’s condition on top of it but is it more?”

“I don’t like keeping secrets from you, Buffy,” I said, and I doubted she’d believe that given how many had been kept. The haunted veneer over her eyes suggested I was right. “But this only deals with me. It’s a personal problem and you can’t help. If you could, I’d tell you.”

She cocked her head to the side. “Does it have to do with Dawn’s boyfriend?”

I slipped out of her grip, surprised at her perception. “Why do you ask that?”

“Because you’re acting really weird around him. Angel, if you know something about him...”

“I don’t,” I interrupted. “If I knew anything bad, Buffy, wouldn’t I say something?”

Her lips pulled into a thin line. She didn’t believe me completely even though I could see she wanted to. “You don’t like Dawn dating him. I can tell.”

“I don’t know him, Buffy. I guess I’m just not used to the teen-aged hearts and flowers.” That sounded lame even to me but it seemed to mollify her.

“He’s intense. I’m not sure I like him or not.” Buffy flipped her hair over her shoulder. “But I guess it’s not my decision.”

“The heart wants what it wants, Buffy. Generally we’re pretty powerless over it,” I said, thinking of me and her.

She glanced away. “And that sucks, too.”

Before I could reply, Fred’s new Lexus drove up and she got out. She bounced over to us.

“Hi, guys.”

“Fred, Buffy and Wes have some really bad news,” I said, turning away from them.

“So that’s it, just say that and leave?” Buffy called after me.

“Wes will do a better job than I could at explaining and this can’t wait,” I said. Everyone was already mad at me so why not add Fred to the list. I got into the GTX and roared off. I didn’t care for all the cars Wolfram and Hart had given me. I wanted my own car and I had had them bang out the dent Connor’s body had made in the hood where I dropped him. It was the only car I drove.

I knew going to Wolfram and Hart was a mistake. In the state my mind was in, I was likely to do something even more stupid than I already had but I couldn’t help it. I wondered what would happen if I just plucked Lilah’s head off and played soccer with it in traffic. I wanted to kill her in ways I hadn’t wanted to kill anyone in a long time. It didn’t matter that she was already dead. That just meant I could torture her longer, if she did indeed feel pain.

I wasn’t surprised to see her in her office. Did she ever go home? Maybe not. She probably no longer needed rest. I locked the door behind me. She raised an eyebrow at me as she smoothed the silk scarf that hid where her head had been reattached.

“What can I do for you, Angel?” Her eyes twinkled. She must know Lindsey was in town but I wasn’t here to talk about that.

“How could you put Connor with a lawyer of all things?” I asked, slamming my hands down on her desk, looming over her.

Lilah was singularly unimpressed. “You said ‘put him with a good family’ so I did.”

“There’s nothing good about lawyers.”

She made a clucking sound with her tongue. “Angel, Angel, how can you say that? You work for a law firm.”

“Technically you work for me.” Yes, I wasn’t up to the level of repartee I needed here.

“You wanted good family. Good means money. His new father is rich as Croesus.” She grinned at me. “Poor little boy, he goes through fathers like tissues.”

She was trying to get a rise out of me and I had to fight not to give it to her. “Are you grooming him to be a lawyer here, Lilah?”

She got out from behind her desk, heading for the window. She looked out over the fantastic view of the city at night. “Why not?”

“So, you’re not going to deny it?” I growled.

She turned to face me. “You gave up all rights to his life, Angel. We went through considerable effort to work that magic. We deserve compensation.”

I felt my mouth go hard as my features shifted without me even realizing it at first. “Not this, you don’t. Stay out of his life.”

She wagged a finger at me. “Not part of the deal, Angel. But how do you know he’s pre-law? You’re the one who’s supposed to be staying away from him.”

My fangs dug into the curve of my lip. I’m not sure what I thought I’d do with them. There was no blood in Lilah to lap up as if I’d want to. I’ve tasted her before. Once was enough. “And the magic, Lilah? Are you priming him to be a mage, too, getting yourself a two for one deal?”

Lilah’s dark eyes sparked and I realized I had made a fatal error. She hadn’t known about the magic. I had put my son in even more danger. What was I going to do about this? “Magic, you say?”

“So I guess you know nothing useful.” I turned my back on her. I had to get out of here before I caused any more damage. “Just keep out of his life, Lilah. He doesn’t need either of us meddling.”

Lilah just chuckled as I let myself out. I headed for my car, half blinded by emotion. I nearly bowled over someone. I mumbled an apology and kept walking.

“What world are you in, man?”

I jerked around. I hadn’t heard Gunn’s voice in days. He was giving me a peculiar look. “Sorry, Gunn. Working late aren’t you?”

“And you’re not?” He glanced toward the windows in the lobby. “Then again, maybe for you this is early.”

I forced a smile. “You do know Fred’s planned a tree trimming party for tomorrow?”

He nodded. So I guess I was the only one who hadn’t known. “I’ll be there.”

“Great. I’m sure Faith would like to see you,” I said, thinking that might be true. She had seemed to like him when she helped put Angelus back in his cage. “And Dawn’s having some of her college friends over, too.”

“Cool,” Gunn said then started back on his way. Did he know about Lindsey being here? It was hard to say. He spent so much time here now I wasn’t sure if he was truly with me anymore. This wasn’t the place to mention it so I headed out.

I drove to a dive Irish bar that Doyle had taken me to once. Nothing here but humans. That suited me just fine. I sat and drank to nearly dawn, thinking deep thoughts and making stupid plans. It was like I had been transported back two centuries and I was the same thick-headed boy I had been then. And as I came stumbling in just before the sun caught me, I had the feeling I’d be treated at home much like Father used to treat me. And I deserved it as much now as I had then.


	7. CHAPTER SEVEN – BUFFY: Decorating: December 2004

CHAPTER SEVEN – BUFFY: Decorating: December 2004

Dawn looked happy so I tried to concentrate on that. I remained pretty furious at Angel for everything involving Wolfram and Hart and him allowing Dawn to be a part of it but she hadn’t been hurt. He’d seen to that at least. I almost wished Xander hadn’t been around for the whole explanation as to what Wolfram and Hart were like because he’d been miserable all day to the point Dawn told him one more word she was going to plant her foot somewhere that would have him talking to soprano. I wasn’t sure if Faith had taught her that move or was it something she’d learned in a college self-defense class. Either way Xander was moping in the downstairs storage area, sullenly dragging out boxes of Christmas decorations for Fred. It might just be the best place for him at the moment.

I watched my kid sister and Fred ruling the roost. She had Faith, Connor and Sid trying to set up the tree, which was going worse than I would have expected. Part of the problem was both Faith and Connor had distinct ideas as to what needed to be happening and neither would give way. Sid was smart enough to keep the hell out of it. Fred had conscripted Angel into hiding in the shadows, untangling Christmas lights. Lindsey and Wesley were finding places to put various knick knacks. Gunn helped me unboxing things.

“Where did she get this much crap?” Gunn muttered under his breath.

“Fred?” I asked.

“It was either her or Cordy.” He shrugged. “I’m not sure which.”

“I think it was both,” Angel offered, fighting with a strand in a knot.

“I like festivities,” Fred called merrily as I pulled a blue and silver reindeer from a box. It was pretty.

“I’ve not been in one place long enough to do much for any holiday,” I replied and a sudden sadness waved over me. I nearly dropped the plush reindeer. I sat down, flooded with memories: mom doing her best to make every holiday happy; me and Dawn playing with our toys even though I know that never happened; me trying to carry on like the little engine that could after Mom was gone; Thanksgiving with Spike tied to a chair and Xander riddled with syphilis, yes that was much more how holidays went for me now.

“I’ve always liked the holidays too,” Faith said, lightly punching Connor in the arm. He yelped. “Your other left, skinny ass.”

I remembered a sad strand of lights in her grungy hotel room back in Sunnydale and wondering why I hadn’t thought to try to be a better friend then when it might have mattered, before Faith went into free fall. _Because you were a teen and what the hell did you know? Wesley and Giles should have been the ones to step in. We all failed Faith. At least now she’s on the right path._

“Buffy?” Dawn was suddenly in my face, and I realized I had zoned. “Are you okay?”

I summoned up a smile for her. “Sorry, just spacing out. I’m fine. Where would you like this?” I held up the reindeer with its silver snowflake embroidery. “I like it.”

“How about on the front lobby desk then?” Dawn suggested.

A trip to the next room sounded about right so she couldn’t see the sadness in my eyes. By the time I came back to help with the unboxing, Dawn was no longer in the room. Who knew what she was up to now. Angel glared at his light strand so hard I took pity on him and helped him get it untangled.

“Thanks,” he muttered, his gaze more on Connor, Sid and Faith than me. I found it strange he was putting so much energy in watching Dawn’s boyfriend because I knew he wasn’t really watching Faith. 

“Are you okay?”

He shook his head. “Not really. I know I messed up, more than I realized. I’ve damaged your and Faith’s trust in me and that hurts, not that I don’t deserve it.” He held up his hands until the light strand nearly skittered onto the floor. “Dawn is upset too about this whole magic thing with Sid and Connor. I don’t know how to help her and then I realize, I don’t have to help other than to say I’m here if you need me. I know I have a habit of trying to ride to the rescue for all the women in my life, and I do realize how old-fashioned that is of me.”

“In your case, I’ll agree with that instead of calling it patronizing. You have a couple centuries of women not being able to fend much for themselves to overcome, though I’d have thought Darla hadn’t needed much rescuing,” I said, making a face.

“There wasn’t.” He sighed heavily. “I have no idea what end of the world plans Wolfram and Hart brought Lindsey back for and maybe I should have been the one who kept that amulet. Spike would have made less of a mess of all this.”

I punched his arm as Gunn put down a box in front of me. “It was bad enough one of you had to die.”

Angel ducked his head. “Sorry, I know you cared about him. Part of me is sorry he’s gone. Part of me…he was a pain in my butt since the moment Dru brought him into the family.” He snorted. “I could tell you stories.”

“Maybe you should someday.” I mulled that over. “Over drinks.”

“And maybe you two should shush,” Gunn said, nodding toward the tree where two completely ignorant of the horrors of the world people were working. Yeah they knew magic but there was so much more than that. “Also, what makes you think McDonald is back for the end of the world as we know it? Granted Lilah wouldn’t tell me if it was but I know that’s not the official reason given for her bringing him back.”

Angel’s eyes popped. “Lindsey, get over here!”

“Hey, got those lights ready?” Connor asked, trotting up to us. 

Angel pointed to three strands. “You can start there. Do you and Sid need help?”

Connor shook his head. “We’ve got this.”

“Good, can you ask Faith to come here a moment?”

“Sure.”

He bounced off with the lights and in short order both Lindsey and Faith had joined our group. Angel gestured to Gunn. “He knows more than I do about why Lilah invited you back.”

“Really?” 

I watched the panic rise in Lindsey even though Gunn seemed calm. Had we read this wrong? We were always expecting the worst when maybe we shouldn’t have.

“Do you remember Princess Tarron?” Gunn asked.

Lindsey squinched up his face. “The seven-foot purple woman from the Llicothe dimension?”

Gunn grinned, bobbing his head. “That’s her. She would only negotiate with us if Lilah brought you back.”

“Negotiate what?” Angel asked before I could.

“They have a supply of some mineral that’s useful in spells.” Gunn shrugged. “Mostly harmless stuff but very rare here so it pays to have the Llicothians happy. And apparently what makes Princess Tarron happy is McDonald’s country singing.” He snorted. “Can’t say as I see the appeal.”

“I’m good at what I do,” Lindsey snapped. 

“But it’s country music.” Gunn shuddered.

“We all like something different and if me picking my guitar and singing is what makes Tarron happy, we can count that as a win compared to the alternatives.” Lindsey lifted his chin indicating the return of Connor and Sid to our side of the room.

“More lights?” Connor asked. “And you play guitar?”

“Sorry, I got distracted.” Angel picked up another strand of lights.

“Any chance you play jazz guitar, a little Wes Montgomery or Django Reinhardt?” Sid eyed Lindsey hopefully.

“Sorry, I’m more country and Americana.”

Connor shrugged. “That’s okay too. You have the hound dog for it but man, that dog doesn’t like you much, does it Angel?”

“Neither does Lindsey.” Angel shrugged.

Connor snorted. “Imagine that.”

“Hey, you two, get those cute little butts of yours back over here and give me a hand,” Faith hollered and the boys complied eagerly.

“Connor really doesn’t like you much, does he?” I asked.

“He thought I was spying on him and Dawn. I wasn’t…okay maybe I was keeping an eye on Dawn like you asked.” Angel sighed as Dawn came over pushing a bar cart filled with mugs, a couple of carafes and bowls of crushed peppermint candies and marshmallows.

“Hot chocolate bar,” she proclaimed, tossing a look over her shoulder. “Did I hear Faith saying something about my man’s butt?”

“It’s Faith.” I laughed. “She has something to say about every man’s butt. And Gunn just told us Lindsey was asked here for entertainment purposes instead of our usual disaster in progress.”

Dawn’s shoulders slumped as the tension drained out. “Wouldn’t that be nice?” 

“It’s all I wanted for Christmas, just some quiet time with my family,” I admitted, tossing a handful of marshmallows into a mug.

“We’ll drink to it,” Dawn replied, moving off to deliver her chocolatey goodness.

I sat back and absently started picking the knots out of one of the strands of light for Angel. “Am I hoping for too much?”

“I’d say for not enough. You deserve better but our luck?” Angel rolled his shoulder. “I’ll take quiet and hope that Gunn is right. I want to think we’re using Wolfram and Hart to do good instead of what they’ve been doing. I’m probably lying to myself. I should have…” He scowled. “I don’t know what. Maybe asked the Watchers for some help sorting through all of what is going on. They’d understand the magic better than I would, and Wes is only one man.”

“I’ll talk to Giles. There aren’t as many Watchers as there once was and that’s another thing we’re hoping to rebuild better than before.” I sighed. “I don’t want my sister being one but that’s not going to break my way. I am glad you’re looking out for her. She needs someone after everything in Sunnydale. She won’t admit it easily but she misses Spike. He was kind to her.”

“Which is amazing to me but I believe her stories about it.”

“I hope this new boyfriend of hers doesn’t end up hurting her with all this magic stuff,” I said, and there it was again: that strange haunted expression on Angel’s face. “I guess if he really wants to learn magic, he might as well learn it with Dawn and not with whoever this mentor is that he is obviously having second thoughts about.”

“It’s probably better that he doesn’t learn magic at all,” Angel growled, nearly snapping his light strand. 

I put my hand over his big one, steadying it. “You don’t like this kid, do you? Why? I mean it, Angel, why? Is there something I need to know? This is my sister we’re talking about.”

His gaze slithered away. “I don’t dislike him, Buffy. That’s not it. I guess when I think of him, I think of Cordelia.”

“How so?”

“You’re a Slayer and that has always been a lonely profession,” he said and I nodded, remembering Kendra and her brief, isolated life. “Giles allowed you to break protocol, to make friends and bring them in. There is something to be said for that but then again, this life is dangerous. Willow nearly destroyed the world. Tara was murdered. Harris is minus an eye and a woman he loved. Doyle sacrificed himself. Gunn lost his sister before I even met him. And Cordelia…I haven’t taken you to see her yet. It’s hard, Buffy. Her body is alive but she’s gone…just gone.” 

When his voice broke I squeezed his hand. “I get what you’re saying. Bringing Connor into this life could kill him but it sounds like he and Sid were already into this. Of course, I also know what happened to Giles and his friends when they messed around with forces they didn’t understand when they were young. My sister plans to go with Connor to the next meeting, which is in a couple of days. She wants us to follow as back up. Are you okay with that?”

“Absolutely. I’ll be sure to loop Wesley in. He’ll recognize the spells faster than I will. If Gunn and Fred want to help, I’m sure that’ll be useful. Do you think Harris will want to come?”

I shrugged. “I’ll talk to him. Faith does, I know that. She and I don’t know much magic but who knows what could happen. I just have this dread idea that it’s Ethan Rayne, and he’s set up a twisted Hogwarts.”

He snorted. “That would be like him, especially the asking for more money part.” Angel glanced up as Sid approached them.

“Do you have the rest of the lights?” he asked.

Angel handed them over. “That’s the last of them. Need help? 

“Sure, we need to start on the ornaments,” Sid replied.

I was happy to help with that. Gunn’s news had rolled the tank off my chest. It had to be true. Sipping chocolate, decorating a tree, I could almost imagine Mom was with us. I missed her so much at this time of year. It was another reason to make the effort to get to spend it with Dawn. She appreciated it too. I wasn’t the only one missing family.

It took us another hour to bicker and trim the tree. By the end there was nothing visible of green almost through the ornaments and tinsel but it was a tree well loved. My hope for a good holiday restored itself, fragile as butterfly wings but it was there. 

“I have something to say,” Fred said once we had settled back to survey our handiwork. “Gunn and I are going to Lake Tahoe tomorrow and will be back on Boxing Day. Can we do our holiday then?”

“Of course,” Angel said.

“Tahoe is supposed to be beautiful,” Wesley said. “I’m a bit jealous. Have fun.”

“I’m more about Vegas. Maybe for New Year’s.” Faith turned big eyes on me. 

“We’ll see how it goes,” I said, thinking I’d like Vegas too. I’ve never been and I deserved fun too, right?

“I love Vegas,” Angel said with a faraway look that surprised me. I tried to picture him in Vegas and failed. “It doesn’t compare to the Rat Pack days…I’m sure but it’s still fun.” He scowled, maybe at his near slip with his time line in front of Connor and Sid. “though the last time there wasn’t a great time.”

“I’m trying to picture you gambling,” Faith said, echoing my thoughts.

“I love the shows,” he replied and I could picture that even less. Where had that man been when we hung out in the Bronze. Of course, he liked the Rat Pack which might be why he didn’t like the Bronze’s musical selection. At least the Rat Pack was less obnoxious than Spike’s Sex Pistols. 

“I would like to see Cirque de Soliel,” I said.

“We could be in the Cirque,” Faith laughed and I nudged her rolling my eyes to Connor and Sid.

“Sid, do you have plans for the holidays?” I changed the topic. “I know Connor is going to Vale in a few days.”

Sid nodded. “I’ll be going home. My parents moved to San Fran a few years ago. We’ll go to New Orleans for New Years and visit grandma.”

“Now that would also be a fun town to do new year’s up right.” Faith beamed.

For a while, Sid regaled us with tales of the Crescent City. There was another hellmouth down there. Courtney and a Watcher who’d been abroad in Paris when the attack happened had been assigned there. Faith and I had talked it over, flipping Courtney to the frigidness of Cleveland in winter but decided that the many sweaty months of heat and humidity weren’t much of a tradeoff. Also, though I also thought it might be a bad idea to have Faith where that much partying as the norm. The Cleveland Flats were bad enough with all those clubs. Of course, she and I had also talked about splitting up soon. I think she wanted to have Cleveland to herself and I could go be with Giles and do something different. I wasn’t opposed to that idea.

The day ended better than it began and in the end, that’s all I could really hope for.  



	8. CHAPTER EIGHT – DAWN: Bait December 2004

CHAPTER EIGHT – DAWN: Bait December 2004

I didn’t know what to think about this plan. I had to talk fast to keep Connor from inviting Sid with us. Last thing we need was another civilian in the mix. It was bad enough that Connor had to be involved but he was the only in we had to this magic-teacher of his. At my urging he’d asked for a private tutorial and the price had made me blink. I wouldn’t tell Buffy but for a wild second I thought about signing on to be a teacher. That beat any money I’d earn filing at Wolfram and Hart. 

Speaking of them, Lindsey had almost been roped into helping us whether or not he wanted to. I honestly couldn’t tell other than he wasn’t Angel’s fan. However, Gunn had been right. Lindsey had been pulled back to LA merely to entertain some demonic princess. Lilah had insisted he practice in the venue ahead of the princess’s arrival. He didn’t have time to help us with this. I wasn’t sure why it had even been suggested. He wasn’t exactly a mage.

Of course, Xander insisted on coming with Buffy and Angel even though he had no magic. I know he misses the action some days. I’m pretty sure Buffy would rather he had stayed home. She feels guilty about all the things that had happened to him but I don’t think Xander would have had it any other way. Sometimes he wonders what would have become of him if he hadn’t met Buffy. Generally, he concludes he’d have died in high school and he’s probably right. Faith and Wesley tagged along. I’m sure Faith was simply bored but Wesley would be helpful. Truthfully he’s the only one of the team who knew any magic. I wondered why the Watchers never taught magic to the Slayers. Wouldn’t it be another good weapon?

The meeting was down in the warehouse district, part that had been reclaimed with lofts above them, still pretty sketchy though. Buffy and Angel had fussed about how vast the area was and though there were plenty of hiding places, most of them would be too far for them to get to us quickly and if they were closer they might be seen. Buffy did her best to scare me into being careful. I don’t think she realizes how much magic Wes had taught me. I felt comfortable going up into the loft with Connor. That lasted just until we almost stumbled over Mercy just inside the door.

She smiled at us. “Hey, you decided you needed tutoring too, Connor? You’re one of the best in the group.”

He shrugged, slipping his arm around me as Mercy eyed me as if she wanted to turn me into a rat. “You can always be better, right? I had questions I didn’t want to slow the whole group down by asking them in class.”

He lied pretty effortlessly. Guess that would come in handy if he did become a lawyer. Ooo, that was bitchy of me. I wished he didn’t have to be there for this but I was never part of the class so I couldn’t ask for a private lesson since they didn’t know me. I hated putting him in the middle of this and suddenly wished my team could be closer because Mercy added a variable we hadn’t accounted for. I didn’t like it. I’m sure my sister listening in on the other end of the phone call I’d place before coming inside liked it even less.

“I just wish I had half your talent, Connor. Dawn, are you going to give this a try too?” Mercy asked as we climbed the steps to the loft above.

“I thought it could be fun. I come from a place where you pretty much had to believe in magic.”

“New York City?”

“Doses she sound like a New Yorker?” Connor rolled his eyes. 

“I guess not.” Mercy pouted and I nudged Connor. It didn’t pay to be mean to her. It wasn’t her fault she was…well there was no good way to finish that thought.

Connor paused at the top of the step, a strange expression was on his face. “Hi Amy. Who’s that?”

“This is Andrew. Who’s that behind you?”

I couldn’t see them from my spot on the step but my heart raced. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Amy, Andrew, it couldn’t be could it? But of course, it could because they knew magic and worse, they knew me. This could end in ruin right now.

“My girlfriend, Dawn.” Connor stepped away so Mercy and I could get off the stairs.

My heart plummeted. I knew as soon as I said something Buffy would come crashing in. It might be a good thing because this could go so sideways. “Amy, Andrew, I haven’t seen you in months.”

Amy stared at me, probably not able to place me. If it had just been her, I would have had kept quiet. She might not remember Buffy’s kid sister. Andrew on the other hand knew me very well. He should. He tried to take a sword to me after all before somehow someone decided he could hang around. 

“I didn’t expect you here, Dawnie.” Andrew started to throw his arms open but a harsh look from Amy put him on guard.

Connor turned to me. “You know them?”

“We all grew up in Sunnydale,” I said, hoping Buffy and the others could hear me through the phone in my pocket. “You’re teaching magic now?” I didn’t dare bring up that I knew Andrew had washed out as a Watcher. Giles had tried to work with him mostly because they really needed more of them after the bombing. 

“It’s a living.” Amy’s smile was thin, almost reptilian. She was dangerous. I could see it. I knew she had weird misplaced blame for my sister and Willow for staying as a rat for an extended period of time. I didn’t get it but I knew it had been an issue. “Are you here for a lesson to? I would have thought Willow would have taught you.”

“Or Mr. Giles,’ Andrew said.

“I’m just here with Connor.” I slipped my hand into his and he gave it a squeeze. His blue eyes clouded. He picked up on the tension. This was going to get bad. “I have no interest in learning magic but I didn’t think it would hurt if I came here and watched Connor’s lesson.”

“Are we going to have a lesson or do you all want to catch up?” Mercy asked.

I wanted to tell her ‘catch up’ just to get her out of the line of fire if there was any but it wasn’t up to me. 

“Lesson? Are you sure that’s what you want, Connor?” Amy smirked at me. “Dawn knows better witches than me.”

He raised his eyebrows at me. “She’s mentioned it but I started with you before I even met Dawn. I don’t want to switch loyalties unless you’d rather not teach me anymore. I’m good with staying with you.”

“Oh good, because Andrew and I have something we wanted to try, something new, something big.”

“In a tutorial?” Connor asked before I could.

“It requires four people to cast. You and Mercy can practice the lower level stuff as we cast it,” Andrew said, eyeing me almost woefully. It made me wonder why. “Amy and I will cast the more complicated stuff. Dawn, you might want to go. This probably won’t be interesting to you.”

I took Connor’s hand hearing a rustling below. The others were in the warehouse part of the building no doubt. “I’d rather stay with Connor, if you don’t mind.”

Andrew wrinkled his nose. “He’s really your boyfriend?”

“He is.” I said, thinking back to the days after Sunnydale fell. Andrew had hit on me which had been surprising. I thought Xander would have been more his speed, not that he’d had gotten far there. “What sort of spell are you doing?”

“It’s not really your concern,” Amy retorted, tossing her hair back.

“But it is mine,” Connor said.

“Don’t mess this up for us,” Mercy hissed.

“I have to say I’m pretty sure it’s already messed up,” Connor replied. “I don’t like you being rude to Dawn, Amy, and I’m not sure I want to do a spell I know nothing about it. So, what does the spell do?”

“It’s a transdimensional spell,” Andrew said. “To the darkest of the dark realms.” With a flourish, he pulled the tarp off the floor to reveal an array of flourishes and symbols, only half of them Dawn knew.

“Why would you want to do that?” Connor asked. “Especially with newbies. That sounds advanced….and stupid.”

“Connor,” Mercy whined, shooting him a shut-up look.

“It’s very dangerous,” I said, hearing running now. So did Amy, looking over us, trying to spot who was coming up the stairs.

“You didn’t come alone, did you?” Amy growled.

“Dawnie, tell me you didn’t bring the Slayer,” Andrew favored me with a pitying look.

“Slayer?” Connor narrowed his eyes at me and I shook my head. I’d tell him later…if we lived.

“I didn’t bring the Slayer,” I said.

“She brought two,” Faith said, popping up to the loft level with Buffy. “Not to mention some back up if needed.”

Angel, Wes and Xander joined us. Angel spotted the array and I swore he lost color even though I know that’s impossible. I shook realizing he was frightened and what the hell could scare Angel? Andrew brightened briefly spotting Xander.

“I didn’t expect all of you in L.A.. I thought you and Faith were in Cleveland, Buffy,” Andrew said as Amy inched toward him.

“Dawn is living in L.A. with Xander and Angel,” she replied, cold as the Cleveland winter.

“It’s a shame you’re all here,” Andrew said.

I grabbed Connor and Mercy’s arms. “You both need to go. Now.”

“But my lesson.”

“Save your money and run,” I said, trying to look as mean as I could. “Now!”

Mercy scurried down the steps but Connor didn’t move. I knew he wouldn’t but it had been worth the try.

“What are you afraid is going to happen?” Amy asked.

“What? You talking about the darkest of the dark realms isn’t a clue something bad is going to happen. What did you really want Connor and Mercy here for? Sacrifice. What could you want in a place like that?” I watched Faith fidget with something in her pocket. I’d bet it was a throwing blade.

“You’d be amazed at what paying clients want,” Amy replied.

“Andrew, what have you gotten messed up in?” Xander sounded as sad as Andrew had looked.

But his sad expression melted away and anger flooded in. “I found people who appreciate me and my talents, unlike the Watchers.”

“Angel, is that what I think” Wes started to say but Angel shut him down.

“Yes, Buffy, Faith, we can’t let them open this,” Angel said.

Buffy nodded. “Dawn, you and Connor get out now. Xander, go with them.”

“I like how you think you get to call the shots in _my_ territory,” Amy growled. “We’ve already primed the pump. All we needed was a couple sacrifices. Now we have even more. Andrew…”

Together they chanted something before anyone could react. The room filled with lightning and wind. It whipped us, capturing us. Suddenly the room was gone and we were outside. The sky was red and stank. Nausea gripped me and hearing others gag I realized it wasn’t just me. This place felt wrong. Oh god, were we _in_ the darkest of dark realms? How would we get back?

A scream forced me around. Connor curled up on the ground, hands over his head, shrieking. Faith and Wes had fallen onto this strange bare earth, also collapsed in a fetal position. Andrew and Amy stared at the sky as more lightning forked across the redness of it.

“What? Why are we here?” Andrew cried.

“Something went wrong,” Amy replied.

Connor’s head snapped up and his eyes narrowed. “What did you do?”

To my shock, he wasn’t talking to Andrew or Amy. He launched himself at Angel and all hell broke loose.  



	9. CHAPTER NINE – CONNOR: Welcome to Hell : Out of Time

CHAPTER NINE – CONNOR: Welcome to Hell : Out of Time

My head split open. I barely had time to be afraid of what Amy and Andrew had done before I was ripped in two. As the shrieking started mild mannered, frat boy Connor shredded like rice paper, and I remembered _everything_ : this place, my suicidal thoughts, all my pain, all my hate, _him!_. I picked myself up off the ground and threw myself at Angel.

I rocked his head back with one well aimed punched. My body hadn’t forgotten what I was capable of, and Angel didn’t defend himself, either too confused or felt he deserved my wrath. “What did you do to me?”

“Connor, I’m sorry.” He held up his hands. “I tried to help you.”

“What is wrong with you?” Buffy pulled me away.

I jerked free, realizing she must be the other Slayer. I knew they were women and since Dawn said she brought two…. “Don’t touch me,” I snarled at her.

“I’m not going to let you hit Angel.” She grabbed me again. This time I pushed her away and she looked at me, stunned. “How…”

“He’s not entirely human,” Faith rasped, still on the ground. “Angel, what did you _do_ to us?”

“What is going on?” Dawn asked, her voice cracking, dragging me out of my fury.

I stumbled away from Angel and put my arm around her. “I’m sorry,” I murmured, and then turned to Buffy. “I’m sorry, Buffy. I didn’t mean to push you. I’m not…heh, I was going to say I’m not myself but I’m more myself than I’ve been in more than a year.” I looked into familiar skies. “I’m home.”

“What are you talking about?” Buffy and Dawn said in near unison.

“This isn’t home, Connor,” Angel protested.

“It was for almost my entire life. Faith, you okay? Got a headache like mine?” I smirked. It was nice to see Faith again, now that I knew who she was. 

“Okay Dead boy, you know something about what’s going on?” Xander asked Angel, and my smirk grew.

“Don’t you dare.” Angel pointed at me. 

“Angel, did you…you wiped our memories,” Wesley said, angry too. 

“Will someone start talking?” Buffy snapped.

I caught something on the wind. Swearing under my breath, I held up a hand to her. “I will tell you everything I know, and Angel can fill in the rest but later. We need to move.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “What?”

“To quote Arnie, come with me if you want to live.” I grinned, probably looking like a feral monster than a happy geek.

“Buffy, listen to him. He knows this place,” Angel said.

“How?” Amy demanded to know. “This place is supposed to be sealed off for the good of all dimensions. We shouldn’t be here.”

“And yet you were trying to open it,” Dawn said. “Serves you right you got trapped here.”

Amy crossed her arms. “We shouldn’t have. None of this makes sense.”

“I’m serious. Later! Argue later. It’s coming and we have to get somewhere safe.” I pointed to the cliffs about a half mile off. I could make it easily, Angel too. I’m sure the Slayers could but Dawn and the others, I didn’t know. 

“What’s coming?” Wesley asked.

I started jogging off on the wooded path. Either they followed or they died. “They call it the lieratwi. I have no word in English for it. It’s a storm and what drops out of it burns like acid. We need to make those caves and hope to a different hell than the one we’re in that we don’t come across something between here and there. There are so many scents I can’t even sort them out. Faith, tell me you brought a spare weapon.”

“I have this.” She held up a throwing knife. “And I have a long knife but that’s mine, kid.”

“I’ll take that if you please.” I held out my hand as she matched my pace. Faith surrendered the throwing knife to me.

“How do you even know Faith?” Dawn asked, jogging up to me. “You obviously know her…and not just from the last few days.”

“We’ve fought.” I smirked. “She’s good.”

“And he’s not entirely human, are you?” Faith said. “I mean as Angel’s kid you can’t be.” 

Buffy pulled up short. “He’s what?”

“Questions later,” I insisted, bursting through the woods to an open plain. And typical of my luck there was a group of Guillays along with some Yrscigs. Really? Those two groups never got along but if my being gone from Earth for a week was eighteen years here, I’ve been gone from Quor-Toth for centuries. I eyed the warriors and summed it up for the others. “Fuck.”

“Connor!” Angel reprimanded me.

I flipped him the bird and strode out to face the Guillays. They were fairly well armored with just their thickly plated hides, let alone their actual armor. The males enlarged their deep indigo throat sacks at me in warning. Most creatures in Quor-Toth would heed that warning but as for me, screw them. I knew I could take them. It was the females, and there were a couple of them in the group, who had the long spiraling horns on their heads who were the real danger. They looked like a cross between a Celtic forest deity and a Florida anole. It was the Yrscigs who were a danger at this distance. They might look like three foot trolls covered in snot but they had a secret weapon.

I gripped the throwing dagger loosely, ready to launch it if need be. Maybe Andrew or Amy would know a good distance spell and could cast it right about now but I wasn’t holding my breath for a favor from those idiots. Faith had her knife and I was hoping Buffy was armed with something. I grinned, spotting an old enemy. For me it had been a year but who know if he’d remember me. He sported the bright red shield of a cadre leader. “Hey, remember me, Honis?”

He grinned back, showing brown short tusks. “I cannot believe it. We thought you had passed into legend, Destroyer. You haven’t been seen in nine hundred years.”

“I was on vacation,” I shot back.

His scaly brow furrowed as he puzzled that out. “You came back to die. I have not forgotten you, Destroyer. Children, this is the fiend that killed your mother and wore her skin.” He put his hands on the shoulders of the two in front of him, one male, one female.

I tugged on my overly expensive shirt, curtesy of dad number three. “This is more comfortable but I could go for the armor Guillay hide gives me,” I said, ignoring a dismayed sound of disgust behind me, male probably Andrew or Xander. As if Dad hadn’t done worse things. 

“We have told our children stories of your infamy to warn them what happens to bad little spawnlings.” The female flashed her horns at me as her brother flailed away with his throat enlarging trick. Honis hadn’t done a good job of scaring them but nearly a thousand years of no contact, no wonder they weren’t as worried as they should be.

One of Yrscigs tugged on Honis’s weapons belt and burbled something in that phlegmy language of theirs. Honis laughed, nodding. The Yrscigs pointed at me and snot-bubbled its way through a soliloquy of which I understood two words: Destroyer and run. The Yrscigs took off, leaving behind a trail of slime that reminded me of Iceman’s icy, sliding tracks. Man who had programed me with geek in my soul? Dad had a lot to answer for…only I kinda liked the geek.

“Kid, what’s going on?” Faith asked.

“The Yrscigs remember what I can do and want no part of it. Betting I’m going to have to prove it to Honis’s crew,” I replied. “Now might be a good time for an offensive spell if anyone knows one.”

“You hate magic,” Wesley said.

“And now I know some magic so there’s that. So what’s it gonna be, Honis? You going to let us pass or do I have to take you to school?” I asked not that these guys knew what the hell I was talking about. I was showboating, giving my team time to prepare themselves.

“All you’re going to do is die,” Honis’s daughter snarled, lunging for me.

Naturally because Guillay females were more aggressive, and I had killed her mother centuries before. She wouldn’t let that pass. I dodged under the swing of her blade and came up so close to her I could feel the heat of her. Shocked she couldn’t get her arm back in time to keep me from grabbing her horns and twisting her neck until it snapped. As her body fell, I kept twisting until I broke off both her horns. Pivoting, I jammed both of them into her brother’s throat, ripping it out.

“Their throats are unarmed,” I yelled, knowing the rest of Guillay wouldn’t stop now.

Dad jumped in, going after Honis as the bastard charged my back. Buffy and Faith were immediately into the brawl, moving like dancers through the brutes. I took on two more, my muscles thrilling to this. It had been…a year? More? I had no idea how long I thought I was this rich Connor kid. At least now that I knew myself I hadn’t forgotten how to fight. I almost forgot how to duck though. I heard someone scream in what I thought might have been Latin and felt heat boiling past my shoulder. A couple of the Guillays caught fire and died. I glanced back to see Dawn standing there, arm outstretched, angry and a bit shocked. 

“I didn’t know you knew that sort of spell,” Buffy said, and Dawn nodded, numb.

“Thanks for the save, Dawn.” I smiled at her, surveyed the wreckage. All the Guillays were gone. I heard a loud mournful sound from higher up. I glanced into the trees and spotted a Mepor, a not too bright creature capable of speech and more importantly flight. Usually they didn’t like to fight but they did love to gossip. 

It launched itself out of the tree screaming, “Destroyer is back, Destroyer is back.” It flew off shrieking that like the town crier until it disappeared in the distance.

“Well, hell. That can’t be good,” I said, squatting down and started combing over the bodies for any weapons and other useful things I could find.

“Connor, what are you doing?” Dawn shot me a horrified look.

“They’re heavily armored. We’re not. They’re dead, and I’d like us not to follow suit.” I held a sword out to Angel who took it and passed it to Wes. He helped me with checking the dead. Faith helped herself. Buffy paused for a moment before she saw reason. I gave Dawn a curved wicked looking dagger. “You might not need this with your magic but I’d feel happier if you took it.”

Her eyes clouded but she accepted it. “I don’t understand what’s going on.”

“I’ll tell you. I promise but if we don’t get to cover soon no one is going to be alive to hear about it,” I replied, handing a couple weapons over to Xander. Amy and Andrew were on their own. Yeah, that makes me a dick but I can live with it. They got us into this mess and if Dawn died because of it they’ll be lucky I don’t kill them myself. I took Honis’s pack along with a couple of others. It would contain food and water surely.

“Buffy, are you going to let him, some magician wanna-be give orders?” Andrew asked, and Angel caught my arm as I whipped around.

“Seeing as he didn’t send us to wherever the hell we are and he seems to know what’s going on, not to mention just took out a bunch of demons like he was a Slayer, yes I am,” she replied, following after me.

By the time we hustled everyone, willing or reluctant up the cliff side and to the mouth of the cave the sky had begun to drop the whatever the hell it was that made the lieratwi so dangerous. I waited for the others to get into the cave first, knowing I’d heal if burned. Angel went first because he could sniff out anything that might be in there. A few burns dotting my arms, I ducked inside. Xander and Andrew were both swearing, rubbing at their skin.

“Happy that I know what I’m talking about now?” I asked Andrew as I put the lantern I’d taken from the Guillays on the floor and lit it with the metal striker. It threw pale light around the cave. I dragged in a few deep breaths in through my nose. “I don’t smell anything in here that we need to worry about.”

“Smell?” Dawn asked, her voice so soft. Damn, she was afraid of me now, wasn’t she? I always ruined everything.

“I have heightened senses,” I said, “Sort of like Wolverine.” Okay whoever made me a geek I should thank you them now. “And before anyone askes, the lieratwi usually last an hour or two so find a seat and we’ll start explaining things. Also do we want to do anything with those two who very obviously meant us harm?” I pointed to Andrew and Amy.

Buffy studied them a moment, and then answered, “I think at the moment, this place is enough of a punishment. If we have to move fast, it’s better we’re all free and we might need them to get us back.”

“Magic doesn’t work quite the same here I don’t think,” Dawn said. “My fire spell shouldn’t have been _that_ big.”

“And it would explain why Dad isn’t bursting into flames in the middle of the day.” I swept my gaze over Angel who seemed ridiculously pleased I called him Dad rather than by name. 

“This could be like Pylea,” Wes said, rubbing his chin. “There Angel was fully human until he changed.”

“And then I was fully demon and almost could not turn back.” He frowned shuddering. I could see that bothered him deeply. No doubt Dad thought of himself as more human in contrast to the monster I had been taught he was. “I don’t think I’ll risk it here unless there is no other choice.”

“Why don’t those two cast the spell right now while we’re hold up and get us home and then Angel can explain why the hell he screwed with my memories.” Faith glared at him.

“Good idea. Come on, Andrew, we were friends. You can’t possibly have meant to do this,” Xander turned to the short dude.

“You and the Watchers turned on me first but I do not want to be here,” Andrew faced Amy. “We need to do this spell.”

She nodded. “Getting trapped here was never my plan.”

“But trapping me and Mercy was?” I asked, and Wes and Angel shook their heads in concert hoping to back me down.

“Collateral damage, rich boy. You wouldn’t know about that,” Amy curled her lips at me.

I gestured around me. “Take a look, Amy. I lived my entire life here. Don’t play the victim with me. The rich boy thing is, well, I’m assuming was some spell?” I looked at Angel who nodded.

“Just do the spell already.” Faith shoved Amy’s shoulder. 

We moved back to give Amy and Andrew space. I stayed tense, ready to punch them out if I had to. Buffy and Faith’s body language said they had the same thought. Andrew still had chalk in his pocket and he drew the array on the cave floor. Buffy’s gaze continually cut to Angel who remained slippery as a Yrscig. I hoped Amy and Andrew hurried because I could feel the energies of this place, filling me, working in, bringing that anger back.

I walked over to Dawn who clung close to her sister and put a hand on her shoulder. At least she didn’t flinch. “Are you okay?”

“I feel sick and it’s not just the fear and the what the hell is happening feeling,” she said.

“You’re not the only one.” Xander rubbed his belly.

“It’s the energy of this realm,” Wes said. “It’s affecting us.”

“Are you okay, Connor?” Angel asked

“Feeling like my old self. I don’t think that’s a good thing. You?”

“Like I want to tear the throat out of everyone. This place sings to the demon inside.” Angel stared at the cave floor, ashamed. “I’m holding on.”

“Let’s hope that lasts. Any progress Amy?” Buffy asked.

“I think we’re ready,” she replied, nodding at Andrew.

They did the chanty thing but nothing happen. The panic in their eyes, the shift in their scent to full on fear sweat, I knew they didn’t expect that.

“It didn’t work.” Andrew’s voice cracked. 

“Now what? We’re stuck?” Xander’s fear turned to rage as he grabbed Andrew’s arm. I wonder if that was this place or if easy anger was just him? I’ve never seen him afraid before. 

“I know how to get back but I can’t do it here,” I said.

“As I recall your way required ripping a literal hole in the universe that required repair,” Wes said, holding up a hand. “Not that I’m saying not to do it. Just as a reminder we’ll need to get a dimensional expert again when we get home so stuff from Quor-Toth doesn’t fall through.”

“Lorne knows one. It’ll be fine,” Angel said.

“So now what?” Faith asked.

“Now we wait out the storm, so get comfortable. And Dead Boy can tell you all about why I’ve spent what, a year? Two? Three? Thinking I’m someone I’m not.” I smirked at Dad.

He shot me a withering look. “Don’t start, Connor.”

“I’ve barely begun.”

He huffed at me but launched into the story of me. I sat quietly, letting him do the heavy lifting while I watched the stunned faces of our friends. Buffy seemed sad versus curious or angry. That puzzled me. When he was done, Angel turned to me. “Do you understand why I had the spell cast? Do you remember any of it?”

“I remember everything. I remember my mind breaking,” I replied softly. “I remember being suicidal. I remember you killing me.”

“You weren’t dead long,” he protested. 

“I get why you did it. I can’t say I hate it because I am _different_ now. Not thrilled that everyone went to work with the people who tried to _dissect_ me because I’m betting there’s a big down side there.”

“It was the only way to make it work,” Angel said. 

“You really are his son,” Buffy broke in, staring at me like I’d fallen from the moon. Close enough I guess.

“Trust me, I wouldn’t make that up. I’m missing something aren’t I?” I looked between her and Angel. “You two have a history?”

Xander let out a bitter snort. “That’s one way of putting it.”

The realization bitch slapped me. “Oh, ew!”

Angel beetled his brow. “Really?”

“Don’t worry, you speak for several of us,” Xander said and Buffy curled her lip.

“I mean…you’re dead.”

Dawn patted my back. “Don’t think too hard on it. My sister sort of like vampires.”

That meant more than one. Nope, not going there. “Isn’t that the opposite of what a Slayer does, not that I’m complaining. I’m good if you don’t automatically kill every demon you see.”

“You keep talking she might amend that,” Angel warned me.

“Well, I’m perfectly good with you killing every demon you see here but me and I guess we can spare Angel.”

“You’re so kind.” He rolled his eyes at me.

“Are you afraid of me now that you know I’m not entirely human?” I couldn’t quite look at Dawn when I asked that.

She caught my chin and tipped my face up so our eyes met. “No and since we’re being honest, I’m not entirely human.”

I narrowed my eyes. “But you smell…”

“I what?”

“Uh…can we forget I said anything?”

“No, you better finish that thought.”

“Wolvie senses, remember? You smell entirely human.”

“Good, I guess. But I’m actually a ball of energy, a portal to a hell dimension made human so the hell goddess couldn’t get hold of me in theory.” Dawn frowned, sudden tears in her eyes. “A lousy theory.”

I pulled her into a hug because she so obviously needed one. “Probably the less said about hell goddesses the better.” I didn’t want to think about my daughter. I knew what happened to Cordelia now. I’ve gone with Dawn to visit her in the nursing home. I didn’t want to think about that either. Dad hadn’t pulled any punches when it came to telling them about Jasmine and everything around it. “You said you’re a portal to hell dimensions?” I cocked my head at Dawn. “Any change you can get us home?”

She thought for a moment before shaking her head. “I don’t think so. I might be the key to just Glory’s dimension and I had to bleed to open it…bleed a lot if you get my meaning.”

“Definitely put a pin in that. I don’t want to hurt you.” Sighing, I dragged a hand through my hair. 

“Kid, you okay?” Faith gave me a strange look. 

“Not really but better than I was then.” I let go of Dawn and stalked to the opening of the cave. I scowled at the world outside. “This isn’t going to let up soon so you might as well try to get comfortable.” I moved deeper into the cave, furthest from the lantern because I wasn’t afraid and they might be. I dusted off a flattish rock and laid down, cushioning my head on my hands.

“You can’t possibly go to sleep. We have to get out of here,” Andrew snapped at me.

I didn’t even bother looking at him. “Go ahead if you want. I’m not responsible for you.”

“Didn’t you get burnt enough running in here?” Dawn asked.

“And if you want me to get us out of here, me getting a little rest would be helpful,” I said.

“How can you even sleep?” Xander asked. 

“You and the others are in a strange dimension that’s making you ill and probably more than a little afraid,” I said. “Me, I’ve come home.”

“Connor, this was never your home.”

I opened my eyes, staring at Angel. “Yes, it was, for my entire life as I’ve said. Before that spell of yours I might have argued harder with you but now…I know how good I have it on Earth. It can be hard there too but its worst day is better than the best day here. Don’t worry. I’ll be going back with you all.”

Judging by how loose his shoulders went, he had been worrying about that. I closed my eyes again, thinking on what I would have to do to get a party this big to a location where I knew the dimension was thin, where I could do what the slukhs told me to. I had no doubt I could do it again. What I didn’t know was if I could keep them all alive.  



	10. CHAPTER  TEN– BUFFY: In Hell: Out of Time

CHAPTER TEN– BUFFY: In Hell: Out of Time

I found myself sitting next to Angel not speaking, trying to hold my rage in check as I stared out the mouth of the cave at the falling acid rain or whatever it was Connor had called it. I couldn’t wrap my head around any of this. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dawn sitting next to where Connor really was asleep somehow, like a feral mountain lion resting in his cave. I couldn’t fathom what she thought of all this. I should go to her, comfort her but right now my limbs weren’t fully under my control. I hadn’t been knocked for a loop this bad in ages.

Faith kept a watchful eye over Andrew and Amy along with Wes. How he had changed since I’d known him. He had a competency to him I would never had imagined, and why he wanted to be anywhere near Faith after what she’d done to him I couldn’t guess. Faith had told me he’d forgiven her somehow but had I truly believed her? I felt bad I hadn’t been as forgiving. I had become hard just as Dawn had all too often said. I hadn’t wanted to hear it.

“He’s your son,” I whispered and Angel nodded. “That’s why you were so unhappy when Dawn brought him around. All that tension I was sensing and you wouldn’t tell me about. I was afraid he was some kind of danger to her.” I cast a glance back at Connor. “He is, isn’t he?”

“He’s as deadly as a Slayer but just like you, he directs that toward demons. Holtz was a good father in one respect from what I can tell. He taught my son to be respectful to women. In a way you can call it an old fashioned upbringing, religious too. He was taught to protect his family and to fight for the good. He wouldn’t hurt Dawn. That was never my worry,” Angel replied. “What I feared was this life touching him again. I watched my son come apart, Buffy. His mind shattered, pulled in too many directions with no one at all in his corner, least of all me because he was not the son I expected.” He sighed. “I made so many mistakes. We both did.”

“So did Mom.” I leaned against his shoulder, putting my hand over his because he seemed to need the comfort and whatever we were now, I owed him that much. “I think all parents do.”

“I should have realized growing up here he wouldn’t have needed me when I threw him out. He was self-sufficient. I expected him to come back to me. He didn’t. I should have stepped in when Cordy went with him.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t.”

“I trusted her. She was all but mom to him as a baby, for as briefly as I had him as an infant.” Angel turned so he could observe his son. “I never expected her to fall under a hell goddess’s influence and everything that would happen after that. I should never have let him kill his own child, not that I think she actually was his, not really, but he felt that connection.”

“Did you know he would?” I dreaded the answer.

He shook his head. “It was sudden but knowing how black and white Connor’s thinking was I should have guessed the moment I saw him coming. Too late regardless. I think he is better now. I sure as hell hope so because we’re all depending on him.”

“My sister really cares about him, or at least she did. God knows after all this revelation.” I hated that part of this. It would be awkward if they still cared about each other but I couldn’t interfere. Dawn hadn’t always been happy with me and Spike but she dealt with it. I know that I could do the same. “This is going to be weird.”

“Now you know why I’ve been so on edge. It’s already been weird for me. But if Dawn makes Connor happy, I’m content or at least now I am because the cat is back out of the bag.”

“There is so much more I want to say but this isn’t the time. I can’t believe that Faith and Willow never told me. I mean, I have no returned memories like Faith does.”

“I asked them to let me tell you but there never seemed to be time. You were traveling searching for new Slayers, and then when you were in Cleveland…I wasn’t sure how welcome any call from me would be after what happened between us and Spike and what happened to him.” Angel’s face twisted and I swore I felt his pain.

I wondered for a moment what there was between the two of them. Dru had made Spike but Angelus had trained him. They hated each other but I suspected on the other side of the coin was a love too. They had been friends. They had been enemies. I couldn’t think about it just now. “What’s done is done. I…well, Dawn isn’t going to like this maybe but I’m thinking of staying in LA for a while. Faith can handle Cleveland and the hellmouth there. I’d like to get to know your son, especially if he’s going to be hanging around with my sister.” And sleeping with her, but I kept that to myself. It was crass and a little uncomfortable given Angel’s history with me, given my history with Cordelia. What must Xander be feeling right about now, knowing that she’d been used by a hell goddess as a birthing chamber to be discarded. Maybe he had known that part. I’d never asked what Angel had told people about her being in a vegetative state. I hadn’t even been to see her yet and that should embarrass me.

Angel smiled at the idea of me staying. “I’d like that. Dawn will too, I’m sure, so long as you don’t go all Mom on her. She’s finding her own way, Buffy.”

I sighed. “Her way wasn’t supposed to be into the Watchers but I know I don’t get a say in that. She trashed those demons today with expertise that Willow would envy.” I smiled a little. If my kid sister was going to do this, then she needed to do it right.

“Yes, she did. I’m not sure if she knows any spells that can knock people around like an invisible hand but she might want to learn.” He wrinkled his nose. Was he thinking in case Connor lost it again or just in general? “She might want to learn the reensoulment spell while she’s at it. I’ll have to ask her about that. Wes should too. I never want to be so stupid a second time as to put my son in the position of having to stop me if I’m Angelus again.”

“And not tell anyone you asked him to so they thought he was the same patricidal kid he was the day he managed to leave this place.” I stared out the cave again into the sheeting rain. I wish I hadn’t heard Angel tell that part of the story because I thought he was smarter than that but maybe it was good to know he made big mistakes too. Of course he’d already made others with me.

“That too. I wouldn’t want you or Faith to be forced into it either.”

I patted his hand. “Thanks. I’m going to check on Dawn.”

Pushing off the stones, I dusted my backside off and sauntered over to my sister. She stood and met me half way. I guess she was determined Connor get his beauty rest. Dawn cocked up her eyebrows at me.

“Just seeing if you’re okay with…well.” I waved a hand at Connor.

“It’s weird but in a strange way, it’s a relief. I was so worried going into that warehouse today, not for me but for him. I knew a few spells. I figured I could keep myself safe. Now that I know he’s basically a boy Slayer, I don’t have to worry about him accidentally getting killed by something from our world.”

_My world_ , I wanted to argue but Dawn was right. This was our world. She wasn’t entirely human, and maybe had she been given to any other family she could have lived a normal life like Angel had tried for Connor. But she wasn’t and I had to come to terms with that. “I get that. I worried more than I can say about Xander and Willow back in the early days. Still do but Willow at least has more protections than I can count.” And Xander was most out of it and who could blame him with what happened with the fall of Sunnydale. 

“The better question is, are you all right with all of this? I mean it has to be a bit freaky that Connor’s Angel’s kid,” Dawn said.

I nodded. “Can’t lie, it is. I never thought your lover would be supernatural.” She flushed and I smiled. “And yes I obviously know.”

“Faith spotted it immediately, which kinda figures.” Dawn turned, her long hair whipping. She stared at Faith for a moment. “Do you think he likes her? They have a history.”

“Not much of one I shouldn’t think. He might like her but it’s you he really cares about.” I hoped that was true. We had no proof of anything. Now that Connor remembered who and what he was, would he want a Slayer, someone he didn’t have hold back his strength from because I never enjoyed having to do that when my lovers were normal.

Dawn shrugged. “We’ll see. Of course if we don’t get out of here, it’s a moot point.”

A loud cracking noise made us all jump. Connor rolled to his feet, one of the stolen knives in his hand. Hell, where was that when he’d been sleeping. He wasted no time racing to the mouth of the cave, peering out. His face twisted, darkening with rage.

“What is it?” I asked.

“A Zzistny, they have armored shells, that’s the noise you heard, a couple of its plates rattling against each other. They don’t need to be quiet as very little penetrates that shell,” Connor replied. “Not even the lieratwi affects that carapace.”

“What does?” Faith asked.

He shook his head. “Think small target. Go for the eyes or the place where the shells come together. It’s like fighting a Ninja Turtle without the soft legs.”

“Lovely image.” Faith glared. “Thanks for this Andrew and Amy.”

“It’s not my fault,” Andrew replied petulantly.

“Is it not?” Connor pushed closer to the opening, avoiding the deluge of thick reddish ‘rain.’ “There are three of them, and they can fit in here.”

“Maybe we’ll get lucky and they’ll pass us by.” Xander shot him a hopeful look.

“They’re ravenous, and they sense heat. They’ll be in here,” Connor assured him. “Best we can do is stand back along the walls, confuse them for a moment as to how many of us there are. The coolness and our closeness might make them think we’re bigger than they are.”

“Do they burn?” Dawn asked as the others grouped up in the back. Angel stood away. He wouldn’t have body temperature to give him away. Me and Faith stood in front of Xander. Andrew and Amy might know a distance spell.

“I don’t think so. I’ve never tried it.” Connor bounded over to the wall and scaled it like a cat. He inched out over the opening, somehow clinging to the cracks in the stone with his fingers and toes. 

I wasn’t sure I could replicate that, and wasn’t about to try. I wished those demons we’d robbed had distance weapons but that wasn’t to be. I gripped my knife hard, waiting. More loud cracking noises echoed in the cave as we waited to see whatever the hell these Zzistny looked like. Ninja turtles my backside. They looked like Gamera and Them had a baby. Oh my god, what had Xander done to my brain with the old geek movie references? Still it was accurate, and they were a puke-tan sort of color as they clacked their way into the cave.

Dawn hit them first, a fireball enveloping them but it fizzled out. The Zzistny made a horrible hissing sound, emitting a smell so foul I nearly emptied my stomach on my shoes. Connor dropped down on one of them, grabbing it by its antennae? Horns? He buried the knife in its eye before it even knew what was going on. Another grabbled for his leg but I pulled it back. Its shell rough under my fingers, abraded them. It blocked the swing of my knife. I ducked under its wild flailing arm, and Angel slammed into it. Faith took on the third one as Connor jumped free of the one he’d killed.

As Angel wrestled with the Zzistny, I vaulted onto his back, reaching over his head to plunge the dagger into the demon’s bulbous eye. Behind me, Faith whooped and I figured she and Connor had finished off the other one. I pushed off Angel’s back, bobbling on the uneven cave floor. That was easier than expected.

“Now what?” I asked.

“We push their carcasses out of here. They stink,” Connor replied, “Just be careful not to get too much of the lieratwi on you.”

I nodded. Together the four of us pushed them out of the cave. They rattled and slammed their way down the hill. The smell of the cave didn’t immediately get better but at least the vomitous feeling had rolled away with their bodies. “Is it always this exciting around here?”

“Most of the time.” Connor made a face. “Now you see why I was so damn tired of fighting.”

“It’s been like this your whole life?” Faith patted his back. “And I thought my childhood sucked.”

“Been killing demons since I was at least four or five. Not real sure. We didn’t do birthdays.” Connor shook his head. “I think it’s lightening up out there. We might be able to move in an hour or so. We’ll want to let the lieratwi to soak into the ground a little.”

“And then what?” I asked. “Can we make it to the place you need to be in order to get us home?”

“Probably not in one day we can’t. We might even want to just stay here. I’ll look at the sky, get an idea what the time of day is. If you think this is bad, you should see it at night,” Connor replied. “I’m not sure where we are in relationship to where we need to be. Once the lieratwi stops, I’ll go out and scout around. I’ll pick a place for our privy because this cave doesn’t look it goes deep so we can’t make one cavern the bathroom.”

“Uh, dare I ask about toilet paper?” Xander asked.

“I’ll see if I can find leaves that didn’t bother me or father so they probably aren’t toxic.”

_Probably not toxic_ I mouthed at the same time Amy whined, “Leaves.”

“Did you see a corner store to go get toilet paper?” Connor replied. “Leaves. I’ll get some wood for a fire because that Guillay hunting party didn’t have bedding we’d want. I can’t promise you good water but what’s in those flasks I took from them should do for a while. I’m not all human so it might not affect me the same but Holtz was usually okay with it. Maybe the things here don’t make humans sick but don’t just go bounding into the water if you see any. You never know what’s in it. Let me make the call.” 

“Did you really wear that demon’s mate’s skin?” I asked in spite of myself not wanting to think about using leaves to clean up.

“Also no clothing stores here. Yes. At least I didn’t eat her, I guess, but we always skinned out our kills. Had to make clothes and bedding from something.”

“But…they were sentient,” I said softly, a shiver creeping up my spine.

“They’d have worn my skin if they could have gotten it.” He shrugged. Maybe he didn’t see the point or if he did, couldn’t care about it because this place was nothing but pure survival. 

“What are we going to do about food?” Faith asked.

“I can deal with that too. Too bad the Zzistnys taste like shit.” Connor frowned at the opening of the cave.

“Maybe someone has noticed we’re gone and will send help,” Andrew said hopefully.

“Who? Did you tell anyone you were planning on opening a hell dimension?” I asked. “Angel’s friends are all gone or here. I suppose Lilah or Lindsey will notice if you’re not at work.”

“True but there’s a bigger problem,” Angel said. “Time moves differently here, remember? We would have to be gone for a year or more here before enough time would have passed there for anyone to even know we’ve disappeared.”

“Perfect.” I sighed. “This just keeps getting worse.”

“Nah, you haven’t seen worse yet.” Connor watched me over his shoulder. “But you will.”

I wanted to kick him so hard for that bit of optimism.  



	11. CHAPTER ELEVEN – CONNOR : Move Along Home: Out of Time

CHAPTER ELEVEN – CONNOR : Move Along Home: Out of Time

I knew the others weren’t in the best mood. I had done all I could to keep everyone happy with a meal of eggs and berries that I knew Holtz had tolerated. They were lucky I could find those eggs because it would have been berries and some demon someone might have thought too smart to eat. 

I ate the least, and I knew my father noticed. My belly might not have been empty in a year but I knew I could go days without food. I was far more worried about the water situation. I wasn’t used to hunting down water for so many. At least we were armed as best we could be.

“I’m not exactly sure where we are,” I announced once most of them had finished eating. “I shouldn’t be surprised since centuries have gone by and a lot of the terrain looks pretty much the same for long stretches of it. I need a high point, higher than we are now and I need one with a lake at the top. Don’t ask me why, something about the waters in those lakes.”

“Are we anywhere near some place like that?” Buffy asked.

I shook my head. “At best, if I’m right about the mountain in this distance, we could possibly get to within striking distance by tonight. That’s provided something doesn’t try to kill us before we get there.”

“You give pep talks worse than your old man,” Xander replied.

“I’m not into giving people unrealistic expectations. Believe me, if anyone crosses our path, they will want to kill us. Nothing here wants to be your friend. I can only do so much to keep you safe. Buffy, Faith and Angel will have their work cut out for them. The rest of you know some magic, and that’s a help provided it works the same here. We know that fire spell of Dawn’s does while your portal spell does not so mages keep that in mind. Don’t get too brave.”

“Got it,” Dawn replied but no one else addressed me. I figured Wes had no issues with it. Amy and Andrew, well screw them anyhow. This was their damn mess in the first place. 

“And a reminder keep away from the water unless I say so. Sluhks aren’t the worst thing in Quor-Toth’s natural sources.”

“Those were bad enough,” Angel muttered.

“Care to tell us about it?” Buffy asked.

“They infest you and drink all your bodily fluids, turning you to dust,” Wes said. “Alcohol will kill them inside you…which I doubt we have.”

I shrugged. “They brew some here. We could get lucky someone will have it on them that we can take after the fact.”

“That doesn’t sound lucky to me,” Xander said.

“That’s why I said to leave the water alone.” I took off down the hill. “Come on, we don’t have a ton of time to waste.”

At least they shut up and followed. I wished I didn’t sound so harsh but I knew exactly what we were facing. I wondered if they would keep up with me and realized the Slayers could, Angel too but I had to remember the rest of them magical or not were only human. I couldn’t leave Wes, Dawn or Xander behind. I honestly didn’t care if Andrew or Amy kept up. That probably made me a monster but it was hard to feel anything but anger for them. I didn’t know if I could keep Dawn alive here and that meant everything to me. Getting my memories back didn’t change my feelings for her. It was a little weird knowing what I did know about her sister and my dad.

“It’s hot,” Wes said after about ten minutes of walking. “I wasn’t sure what I expected Quor-Toth to be like.”

“Temperature wise, more like the mid-west I guess. It has four seasons but the summer and the winter are both extreme. It’s strange. It shouldn’t be too unbearable,” I replied.

“But you look worried,” Dawn said.

“I have to be. I have no idea what’s between here and our destination. I don’t know if I’m right about the lake being up there. A whole hell of a lot could go wrong and as strong as we all are, we’re still vulnerable, especially if we run across a village or a hunting party that we don’t hear coming.”

“But you survived here since you were a baby,” Faith said. “ That has to count for something.”

“I’m hoping so,” I replied. I didn’t mention it was a lot easier to hide just two people and not an entire party of them. Of course I had no idea how Holtz managed when I was a baby. Babies wailed all the time. I wondered if he stuffed my mouth with a cloth gag. No, can’t think about that right now or I’d be distracted and someone could die. “But nearly a thousand years have passed. I don’t know this place like I once did.”

They took that warning for what it was worth and we kept on walking. After an hour we found a thin, dirty creek. I took a good look around, opening all my senses. I smelled nothing, heard nothing that set me on alert. I poked a hole in my shirt’s bottom and used it to rip off a swatch.

“What are you doing?” Buffy eyed me.

“Filter.” I shrugged. “It’s the best we got. This water should be okay. We need to fill up any and all bottles we took off the Gulliays.” I held the cloth over the mouth of the bottle I had in the pack I’d liberated and filled it.

I handed off the wet piece of shirt to Buffy and stood in the shade of a tree while the others filled theirs. A cackling noise, like a drunken crow, sounded, drawing my gaze up. I swore under my breath. Some Bruchlei, just what I needed. They were harmless but they could fly and were fast as hell.

“The Destroyer has returned. Inz had to see for self,” one of them said.

“Must raise alarm. The bringer of torment and pain is back,” another crowed loudly enough to be heard for what felt like miles. 

I scooped up some rocks and flung one. The first hit with deadly accuracy but the second missed and the Bruchlei flew off, calling out its warning. “Well hell.”

Faith nudged the dead Bruchlei with a toe. “You are better at this than you were against me in L.A.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you, Faith. I didn’t go at it full out,” I admitted. Honestly I had been trying to impress her, not hurt her, but somehow saying that in front of Dawn would be a dumbass move. 

“Not even when I was trying to stop you from killing Angel.” She shot Dad a withering look. “Which you really should have told your team was what you wanted if we couldn’t get your soul back. Things might have gone easier.”

He wilted, and I snorted, glad she was the one to say it not me. “Honestly at that point I was sort of hoping Willow would accomplish her goal so I wouldn’t have to.”

Angel smiled at me. I shrugged but hell, I owed him that piece of truth. “And everyone keep an even more watchful eye out. That Bruchlei is gonna warn every demon in a hundred mile radius that I’m here.”

“So?” Amy fish-eyed me.

“So, a lot of them might want to take a shot at me. Apparently I’m now something of a legend here, which is cool if it doesn’t get us killed. 

“Cool?” Dawn lifted her eyebrows at me.

I shrugged. “When you’re the baddest thing in the worst hell dimension, you should be allowed a moment of ego.”

“Oh boy.” Faith rolled her eyes. “When we’re home am I going to have to take your ego down a peg?”

“I’d welcome the challenge.” I grinned at her, and Dawn elbowed me.

“Do I really need to say behave yourself?” She glared.

“He’s Deadboy’s kid. I’m going to say yes,” Xander said. “And what happens if something comes looking for you to take that shot?”

“Find a minimum safe distance and pray,” I replied. “I just hope I haven’t lost a few steps when I was the mind-wiped college kid.”

“That has a lot of variables playing into it,” Wesley said. “Your levels of activity over the last year, any extracurriculars that might have been to your determinant.”

“He’s saying it depends did you do anything to kill any brain cells, kid?” Faith asked.

“Okay, so I may have lost a few steps.” 

“At least you were doing college right,” Faith said as Angel glared at me.

“Oh, what are you looking at? As if you didn’t take a drink or two in your mortal days,” I huffed at him.

“I was…how shall we say this? A beer and whiskey enthusiast?” Angel smirked. “I was hoping for better for you.”

“Hope away. Apparently your genes are strong.”

“Perfect,” he muttered.

We fell silent for a few minutes but Andrew circled us right back to the sticky point. “I don’t see why we should keep following you if all the demons of this place are going to come looking for you.”

“Because I know how to get us home, in case you forgot. But you don’t have to tag along. Go your own way if you want. I’m not stopping you. Hell, if you want someone else to take point, let’s hear a good argument as to why.” 

He squirmed under my stare. Finally he dragged his gaze up from the ground and stared me in the eye. “Buffy and Faith have always been our leaders even if they’ve led us right into trouble.”

“But they don’t know this realm. I do. That said, I’m willing to listen to their input. If anyone has ideas, toss them out there.

“I know I have no knowledge of this place that will help,” Wes said, staring up at the grey clouds slipping across the reddish sky. “All I do know is the longer we’re here, the more activated my sympathetic nervous system becomes. I feel like I’m coming out of my skin and nauseous to boot.”

“I’m glad I’m not the only one,” Buffy said. “I’m ready for a fight. Hell I _want_ to fight, and I don’t like this feeling at all.” 

“Most of us don’t.” Angel said. “I can’t say that it’s affecting me.”

“Me either but I would be surprised if it would. It’s like coming home as I said.” I glanced around. “Like to a really shitty abusive home that I really don’t want to go home to.” And boy did I know about those at this point. My naïve idiot ass had been used and discarded by just about everyone when I didn’t fit what they wanted. To Holtz I was nothing short of a tool to be used and broken afterwards so no one else could have me. To Angel I was not the son he had wanted and then his idiot self had reworked reality to give me what I was missing in the end so maybe I should forgive him for the constant drawing me in and tossing me out he’d done before that. To Cordy, or maybe more appropriately to Jasmine, I was a means to an end.

I picked up the pace hopefully still within tolerance but no one complained. I death marched us across the dry grasslands at the foothills until the sun was as high as it got in this place. Even I had started sweating profusely under its heat. Finally, I found a denser patch of scrubby trees and forced my way past their grabby branches. No smells that screamed warning so I waved them in to follow me.

“Lunch break?” Xander asked hopefully.

“Such as it is.” I opened the pack and took out the meager offerings. Some kind of jerky and a smelly mix of lard and berries. 

“That’s it?” Andrew whined.

“Do you want me to take the time to hunt? It’ll add at least a day. The jerk will be a hard chew but you’ll be able to share what there is of it. I guess you can think of that stuff as pemmican.” I pointed to the fatty berry mix.

“How should we divide this up?” Dawn asked.

“As equally as you can,” I replied. 

“I don’t think I can gag down that stuff.” Buffy pointed to the fats. The others concurred.

“Skip it then.” I shrugged. “I know Angel can go awhile between meals, which is just as well.” He narrowed his eyes at me, probably thinking about the months at the bottom of the sea curtesy of me. “Eat the jerky.”

They divided it up and I gave my portion of jerky back with a shake of my head.

“You need to eat,” Buffy reminded me, sternly. “If anyone has to keep his energy up….”

“I’m used to going without food for days. Also, I’ll eat just about anything.” To prove my point, I picked up the greasy mass of pemmican. The mind-wiped part of me that still remained rebelled just a bit but I quieted him easily enough. I popped a wad of the slippery food stuff into my mouth and all but swallowed it like a pill. I knew the sugars and fats were high energy and really it didn’t taste all that bad. No one else fought me for it so I ate a good half of it and wrapped the rest back up, stowing it for later.

Even though I knew none of us had had adequate time to cool off, I also knew we had little time to waste. Night was always far more dangerous here than the day. I was used to sleeping when the sun was high so I had a better chance of no getting knifed once the sun went down. However, time was of the essence so they say. I herded everyone back out of the woods and into the grasses with just as much bitching as I expected to hear. 

We were all dragging by the time I smelled water again. I also caught the subtle scent of something more. Not sluhks but something. I didn’t deviate from our path because I was just happy we were making decent time and nothing so far had come looking for us nor had we stumbled onto a settlement. I was surprised really. Did these creatures never advance or were they mired forever in their medieval lifestyle? I supposed I should be thrilled they hadn’t invented laser pistols in the time I had been gone. As we trudged on, the sounds of running water grew loud enough that everyone heard it before we made it over the rise and saw a small river running along.

“Thank god. I’m so hot.” Andrew took off toward the water.

“What are you doing?” Buffy demanded to know before I could ask myself.

“Cooling off,” he shot back. “Look around you? Has anything been as bad as Connor’s said? No. He’s been keeping us afraid for no good reason.” 

“Better go after him,” Xander said, breaking off to try to round up Andrew.

“Fuck this.” I trotted along and then put on a burst of speed when I caught the scent. “Xander, get the hell back. There are Chasinabras in the water! I can smell them.”

“What?” Xander stumbled to a stop, turning to look at me.

“Get back!” I pointed up the hill. “You too, Andrew. I’m serious.”

“You always want to be in charge but you’re not,” Andrew said, pausing at the edge of the water. “I’m not taking another step until I cool off.”

“Look out!” Xander screamed as the chasinabra surfaces whipping its long snake-like tongue out. 

Andrew was gone in the blink of an eye. Behind me someone screamed. Amy maybe. Dawn? I wasn’t sure. I grabbed Xander’s arm and pulled.

“Come on, they’re fast and we’re too close,” I said.

“We have to save him.”

“He’s gone, and I’m not dying to get his corpse back. Inside of their mouths are barbed fangs running with venom from their sacs. It’s almost instantly fatal,” I said. “Dammit, I told you all to stay away from the water until I said it was safe.”

Dawn pressed a hand to the small of my back. “It’s not your fault. Andrew never listened. He wanted to be the one who called the shots.”

“He was my partner,” Amy said. “He didn’t deserve that.”

“None of us do,” Dawn whirled on her. “This is all your fault. You were willing to sacrifice others to this place in order to gain whatever the hell it was you were planning on. Don’t cry because you don’t get to go home. Maybe none of us do.”

“Well it wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

“For me, Dawn and Mercy it was,” I said, not willing to let that go. I might not be the violent kid who grew up here anymore but I was still a grudge bearer. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t faster.”

“You did what you could. Are we safe here?” Buffy asked.

I nodded. “They rarely leave the water. Most things need to drink so they get plenty of food. We need to keep going.”

“It doesn’t feel right to just leave him,” Xander said.

“He’s food. Sorry but that’s reality. I don’t like this either but there is nothing else to do. Maybe, Angel would be immune to the poison but he’s probably not immune to the teeth and are you going to drag his corpse along behind you, sending up a scent that every predator will home in on?”

“You’ve made your point.” Buffy eyed me sourly.

“Good then. Let move before something else smells that water and if they don’t give it a try, they might give us one.”

They didn’t look happy with me. I couldn’t worry about it. Andrew had been a bag of dicks, and I couldn’t quite feel all that sorry about him. Guess parts of me were still broken. At least later as we journeyed on, when a war band came within a few hundred yards of us, no one argued with me when I had us take cover and let them pass. Luckily, they did and even more lucky we made it to the base of the mountain we’d have to climb tomorrow. A hundred feet up or so was another cave, shallow, not enough of it to really make it worth anything’s time living there. Once I had everyone stowed inside the small cave, I headed back down to the flats to hunt for food. Unsurprising, both Buffy and Faith followed my father as he tagged along.

“What are you doing now? You need rest as much as the rest of us,” Faith said.

I shook my head. I didn’t and I doubted any of the people standing next to me in this moment needed that much rest. Those who did were still up in the cave getting that rest. “We need food.” I pointed to a large smudge a football field or more away. Tall grasses, dotted by short trees with large red fruit, waved between us and those smudges. “That’s a kaz, it’s sort of like a bear and a cow had a baby. They’re not intelligent, well no more so than any normal food animal on Earth. One of those would feed us. I’m going to get one.”

“By yourself?” Angel wrinkled up that big brow of his.

“I’ll take help. Also, if someone wants to either climb or shake that tree to get those big red things down, that would be great.” I pointed to the trees with their bulbous red fruits.

“Fruit for dinner?” Faith asked.

“No, they taste awful. However, they’re a lot like coconuts only not as good. There’s water inside them that is safe to drink. The more of them you can get the better.”

“How bad does it taste?” Buffy asked. “Not that I’m complaining. I know we need the water, just want to know what to prepare for.”

“Not that much worse than coconut water which I think is like drinking water filtered through a sponge that was forgotten in a veggie drawer that hasn’t been opened in weeks.” 

“Sounds delicious. All right, I can get the fruit because I’m not sure I’m much good on a hunt. Vampire hunting sure, hunting for food…it’s different right?” Faith made a face.

“Yes, in a way. That’s fine. I can hunt the kaz myself. If Angel wants to help me drag it back that would be great. Those things are heavy.”

“I can do that,” Dad said.

“I’ll help Faith. The more water we can get the better,” Buffy said.

“Thanks. Come on, Angel. Let’s do this.”

It wasn’t as easy as I made it sound. What was easy, am I right? I did finally manage to drag down a relatively young and small one. I figured it would be more tender and palatable to the others and we didn’t need _that_ much meat. It wasn’t like I had time to smoke it or anything. Dad and I dragged it back to the base of the hill. Some of the others peeked out of the cave like wayward cubs that I wanted to swat on the head and make them go back where I put them. 

Instead Wes and Dawn joined Faith and Buffy in dragging back fruits to tap. I knelt down with my empty flask and poked a hole in the kaz’s neck, draining blood into the flask.

“What are you doing now?” Faith asked.

“Normally I’d have made black pudding with this but I’m sure as hell hoping we aren’t here so long I need to really whip out all my survival skills.” I handed the flask to Angel. “Don’t know if this is palatable to you or not.”

He took a swig and shrugged. “Harmony used to serve me up worse.” He knelt and filled up a second flask.

I started dressing the kaz out. I had no intention of cleaning intestines, bladders, or stomachs. None of that had ever been my favorite slices off any animal you cared to name. I did set aside the heart and liver. The lungs went in the “no way even I’m eating it” pile. I skinned the kill and used it to wrap the offal. 

“Now what?” Xander asked sliding down the hill a bit. 

“Now we hunt around here for fire wood and we cook up some of this. Angel, Slayers, want to keep an eye on everyone while they do that? I’m going to pack this mess out of here. No sense leaving a pile right here that says, we’re here and we’re settled in.”

“We’ve got it,” Faith assured me.

I jogged off with the skin sack and dumped it several hundred feet away. It would be bad enough that we had a cook fire but I just knew no one was about to eat anything raw. By the time I got back they had a fire going to my surprise until Faith admitted she still occasionally smoked and had a lighter. I put a flat rock in the fire and put the liver and heart on it. 

“I’m not eating those,” Amy called from her distance up closer to the cave.

“Fine with me.” I sliced up some meat that would be roughly steaks and speared them on some thicker branches holding it above the fire. “We’ll want wood up in the cave overnight.”

“Why? Won’t that attract attention?” Buffy asked.

“Yes, but do you want all this to go to waste? We can smoke some of it for breakfast and take shifts watching the cave entrance,” I replied.

In the end, they did eat the steaks and I helped myself to the fatty liver and the heart muscle since I figured I could deal with the chewy texture better than them. I showed them how to make a low slow fire and how to tend it so we could preserve the remaining meat of which there was plenty. Angel helped me take away the bones and other bits we couldn’t use. 

I hoped nothing would bother us in the night.  



	12. CHAPTER TWELVE– ANGEL: From Hell: Out of Time

CHAPTER TWELVE– ANGEL: From Hell: Out of Time

I never expected to see Quor-Toth, of course, and now that I had, my anguish at what my son had endured his entire life ate at me. However, watching him here, guiding us along I had a respect for him I hadn’t before. I had expected, no, I had wanted, a son who needed me. Holtz had robbed me of that. This young man needed no one to survive. He was hard and harsh as the land around us. It had informed him, shaped him into who he was now. Had I seen that the moment he came back so much sorrow could have been avoided.

I couldn’t live in that past. It was written in stone. I had to accept that at the moment Connor didn’t seem to hate me anymore. Maybe he would once we were all home safely but I decided I would handle things differently. He needed me to see him as who he was but who knew what that would be once we got home. Would his family remember him at all? Would Wolfram and Hart know that the spell was broken? Were my friends left behind in trouble? I couldn’t worry on that either because there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it here.

I felt the weight of Buffy’s stare on my back as we followed Connor further up a tall mountain. In a way it reminded me of Snowdon in Wales. Darla and I had rampaged through there once after London had gotten a little too hot for us thanks to some bloody indiscretions. Well Snowdon if the air was acrid and reddish. A wind had picked up making walking into it difficult. Connor didn’t want to slow down much. I could see it in his face as he did keep the pace doable for the others.

I glanced over my shoulder at Buffy, wishing I knew what she was thinking. Maybe it was better than I didn’t. “Are you okay?”

“Just wondering if anyone has even had time to miss us yet back home.”

“Maybe? Guess it depends on how often you check in with Giles and the others. For me, Xander and Wes, Wolfram and Hart might be wondering. Fred and Gunn are out, which I’m not sure if I’m glad they’re on vacation or not.”

“I’m glad they are,” Wes said, “I’d rather they not be worrying themselves sick if they have noticed our absence.”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Buffy said. 

“Me too,” Connor put in, helping Dawn around a large rock. “If of course my other family even remembers me now that the spell has been undone. Guess I’ll find out soon enough.” He canted his gaze to the peak. “I hope. I think I chose right. I think I smell something algafied.” 

“What does that even mean?” Dawn asked.

“It smells like a lake but not a good one,” Connor replied. 

“And we needed a lake,” she said

He nodded. “I think we chose well.”

I hoped so but those hopes were dashed when we crested a hill and we spotted a village carved into the hillside. I sighed.

“Now what?” Xander asked.

“We’ll have to go around the other side.” Connor froze, slowly turning to the right, his lips skinning back.

I heard them a second later. Coming up behind us were the sounds of footfalls. The demons behind us were tall, thin and a strange powered blue hue and armed to the teeth. I heard my son’s breathing hitch, and I could almost read his mind. Could we survive this with everyone coming out alive at the other end?

“Destroyer! I am so glad you came this way. Our legend will live forever when we have your head as a trophy,” One of them grinned a mouthful of wicked teeth.

“What do we do?” Dawn asked.

“We show them why trying to catch us in a pincher move isn’t going to go the way they think it is,” Connor responded. “No survivors. I mean that. They will not spare you. Also the Tapfra love to rape corpses, and then wear choice body parts as souvenirs.”

“Did I need that image in my head?” Buffy snapped at him.

Connor flashed that feral grin. “If it keeps you from thinking we don’t have to kill them all, then yes.”

He didn’t wait for any arguments, charging the largest of the Tapfraians. I chased after him, engaging the one who thought he could go for Connor’s back. Faith and Buffy didn’t need more encouragement and Wes leapt into the fray with the axe Connor had given him from the Guillays. Xander hung back guarding Dawn and Amy as they cast their spells. Fire and lightning rained down as the rest of us danced in and out of battle, even as the Tapfraians pushed us toward their village. It might be a small one but there were more demons than any of us wanted to take on as if we were going to be given a choice.

“Dawn, Amy, send your firepower toward the village,” Connor said, and the consternated look on Buffy’s face knifed into me.

“But…there are kids there,” Dawn protested even as Amy set fire to the south side.

“And do you want to be fed to them? I’m not asking this lightly. Don’t worry, they’ll scatter,” Connor rasped, leaping over someone’s sword arm. He came down with a neck strike that broke the creature’s spine audibly.

Dawn eyed him in a way I suspected said everything had changed between them probably forever, and I noticed she did not really target the village, just the area around it. I caught a Tapfra as she darted toward Dawn. I left huge claw marks down her back. Claw marks? I stared at my hands, realizing in horror, I had changed and like on Pylea I was far more demonic. Unlike Pylea, I was still in my right mind.

“A-A-Angel,” Dawn stammered.

“Damn,” Faith breathed.

“Angel, what?” Buffy started to ask but trailed off.

“Angel, are you still with us?” Wes’s voice sounded strained. He remembered the last time I looked like this.

“I’m still me,” I said but my voice didn’t sound like it, rasping through a mouthful of big, sharp teeth.

“Damn, Dad. I swear if I start looking like that I’m finishing what I started with that suicide attempt,” Connor said.

I wasn’t sure if it was a joke. “Not funny, son,” I errored on the side of hopefulness. “Don’t let me distract you!”

“I can marvel at how ugly you are and fight at the same time,” he assured me.

“Always the smartass.”

“It’s genetic.”

“One of the many qualities you inherited from your mother.” I slammed a hand into the face of a young Tapfra who wanted to give me a try. He dropped with the crunch of bones. 

Connor laughed, wresting a bow away from a Tapfraian. He stole the quiver too, after gutting him. He ran deeper into the burning village after two other demons. He circled back splashed with gore. The sounds of battle had died overtaken by the crackle of burning buildings.

“Buffy!” Connor bellowed.

I whipped around seeing her step aside to let a mother with a baby in arms go.

“Kill her!” he insisted.

“Not killing a baby’s mother!” She cried, not seeing the mother draw a wicked dagger.

An arrow whistled past me and impaled the baby and mother in one deadly hit. Buffy jumped as the creature fell. “What did you do?” she screamed

“Saved your life. I wasn’t joking You need to kill them all. She was about to gut you.”

“She was,” I added, hoping Buffy would listen to me.

“But the baby?”

“ If you let any of them live, they will come back to hunt you down. My fathers both taught me that,” Connor said and Buffy turned horrified eyes on me. “Angelus and Darla left Holtz and his daughter alive. Holtz chased them through time to get revenge. He said they never made that mistake again, and he definitely never made it here.”

“It’s true,” I whispered and Buffy’s expression, a potent mix of anger, sorrow and horror crushed me. Connor’s face heated up when he caught sight of her mood.

“Don’t look at me that way. I’m the child of monsters who grew up in the darkest of hells. You’re lucky I’m as good as I am. I’ve asked this before. Do you want to risk any of these demons following us? If I can break the barrier between worlds, maybe one of them can too and then what?” Connor asked.

“You’ve made your point, son,” I said.

He nodded and swept his gaze over the village. “I think we’re done here. Take any weapons you think you might need, and we need to climb. If anyone got away from here, you know they’ll be back with reinforcements. Is everyone okay? Anyone need first aid?”

“I’m exhausted,” Amy said. “I can’t keep up spells that fast again if we run cross anything else.”

“I hate to say it but I don’t think I can either,” Dawn said, and Connor went to comfort her. It broke my heart when she pulled away from him and his expression crumbled.

“Wes, Xander, are you two okay?” I asked, trying to cover that tableau. 

“My arm is a bit tired too,” Wes said, hefting his sword.

“Ditto but I can walk,” Xander said.

“Do you think there’ll be anything more between here and the summit?” Buffy asked and I hoped so. The thought horrified me. Maybe the demon was slowly taking me over here versus the fast ascent it had in Pylea. 

“Tapfraians are at the top of the food chain so probably not unless it’s more from this village,” Connor replied.

He started hiking the trail faster than before. He didn’t slow down until he finally looked back and saw half our team couldn’t keep pace. The agitation on his face upset me. I didn’t know how his mental health truly was. I used to be good at reading people, knew at least when someone was going to break but I had failed to see the signs in my son time and again. I didn’t like the casual violence either but I understood it probably better than anyone here. But I also knew what happened in Quor-Toth wouldn’t stay in Quor-Toth. They would remember what he could be like and I was afraid. I was more afraid that in the end he’d chose to stay in a place that was more familiar to him, where he understood his place in the world.

_You’re being ridiculous_ , I told myself. _When he first came to you, yes he’d probably stay but not now. He said it himself. He knows what Earth has to offer him. He won’t stay here._

I just wished that worry hadn’t lodged itself behind my rib cage. The march toward the summit wore a cloak of grim silence. No one spoke. Even Xander didn’t seem to feel the need to fill the silence with jokes. Wes’s eyes darted about, no doubt taking it all in, cataloging it in that big brain of his for later. It would make for one hell of a Watcher’s diary or ex-Watcher I suppose. I expected this place to give everyone involved PTSD and that would be a small price to pay if we all made it out alive.

Connor followed his nose because I knew he could smell the water. I could as well but even if we couldn’t, the trail seemed to head straight for the lake. Of course, it would. Everything needed a water supply and here too many things could be hiding in it. He picked up his pace. “I’m going ahead. I think this is it. We need to be sure no one is around. I can’t be disturbed once this is started.”

“Be careful,” I called.

“He can handle himself, Dad.” Faith smirked over at me and I snorted.

“He is the Destroyer, the toughest thing here.” I smiled thinly. “I shouldn’t be proud of that.”

“But you are,” Buffy said. There was no judgment in her tone.

“I am, and if he gets us out of here, I’ll be prouder still.” 

Of course, I had no idea what would happen then. Would he go back to his new family? Would they remember him? Would Wolfram and Hart be angry and expect something? Would Connor want anything to do with me once we didn’t have to work together? Would he stay in school? He damn well better stay in school. 

When we caught up to him at the lake – okay I’d call it a pond really and it oddly reminded me of places back home when I was young – two dead Tapfraians lay on the edge of the water. 

“They guarded the water supply,” Connor shrugged. “I don’t see or hear anyone else. No scents other than them.”

“We can keep an eye out,” Buffy assured him. “What do you need to do?”

“It’s just easier to do it than explain it. Just keep back and be prepared when I get the rift open,” he replied.

“We can do that,” I said. “Do what you need?”

“I have it already.”

I wasn’t prepared for it in spite of myself. For someone who hated magic, he seemed to be pulling a lot of it. Lightning crashed, the lake seethed, water lashing out of it as he seemed to fight an invisible monster. It took longer than I expected it too but finally the universe tore. No one wasted a moment. We spilled through to the other side. Connor followed last.

We seemed to be in a desert and there was a glow of a city not that far off. I was just thankful it was night or I’d have either had to dive back into Quor-Toth or burn to death because there was nothing around, nowhere to hide.

“This isn’t LA,” Dawn said.

“Last time it dumped me literally into Angel’s home. I’m not sure how I was so lucky that time,” Connor replied. “Where are we now?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s Vegas.” I pointed to the glow, fairly certain that I could see some of the historic landmarks. “Anyone have a cell phone on them?”

Somehow several of us still did. I put in a call to Lorne to get a dimensional expert out here. We needed to fix the rift before anything else came through. Connor volunteered to wait next to it to ensure nothing else came there. Faith and Dawn stayed with him. The rest of us went into the city to see about renting a car and getting most of us home. I couldn’t take on watching the rift with them because the sun was likely to rise. I’d have to either rent a hotel room and sleep in the tub all day or ride to LA in the trunk of whatever we rented. At least I was able to shift back to human easily the moment we crossed over. I hated thinking about my son out in that desert. Buffy volunteered to go back with her sister and bring them water and food while they waited on the dimensional expert who hopefully wouldn’t take long. 

That just left us men and Amy, which she worked to her advantage. We couldn’t watch her in the bathroom, and she slipped away. She obviously had a highly developed sense of survival. At this point I could barely care. We were home safely and from what we could say we’d barely been gone a day. I’d worry more about her once everyone was finally back home.


	13. CHAPTER  THIRTEEN – DAWN: Christmas Eve: December 2004

CHAPTER THIRTEEN – DAWN: Christmas Eve: December 2004

“I can’t believe we didn’t miss Christmas,” I said, helping Buffy in the kitchen. She wanted to make a traditional dinner. We’ve tried this nonsense before and it never quite worked out well. Connor had tried to help but he’d been sent packing by my sister. I don’t know if she was trying to protect me or if she just wanted the kitchen to be a man-free zone.

“It felt like we were gone for a year,” she agreed, slavering on another layer of glaze on the ham so it gleamed like a nuclear reaction before sliding it back in the oven. She watched me out of the corner of her eye. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

She wiped her hands and put them on my shoulders. “Are you though?”

“I have to be but I can’t say I’m not weirded out that Connor is Angel’s kid.” I was more than weirded out. It was damn near a deal breaker. It felt somehow incestuous but that was ridiculous on the face of it. Connor didn’t even exist when Angel and Buffy were well Angel and Buffy. He’d grown up in that horrible place. I still felt sick from Quor-Toth. Wesley said it would pass. I hoped the hell he was right. 

“That’s a word for it.” Buffy snorted. “We have some time before we have to start some of the other side dishes. We should take a break.”

I nodded and went out into what had to have been a conference room, or maybe a small dance hall or something back in the Hyperion’s earliest days. It’s where we had the big tree, and it was relatively empty. Angel was somewhere upstairs still asleep. I wasn’t sure where Wes and Faith were nor did I want to know. Xander wouldn’t arrive for another hour. Connor was there, stretched out on the couch, half watching the TV, half just staring off into the distance. He was hurt and I knew it. His pretend family didn’t remember him. Connor Murdock didn’t exist anymore, well at least not as their kid. He’d called the school, and he was still registered there but he wasn’t sure what that even meant. 

“Connor?” I shot Buffy a look. She scowled at me but walked out of the room.

He sat up, running a hand over his hair. “How are you?”

Taken aback, I hesitated. It was a strange question since we’d been talking earlier this morning. Of course, he might suspect Buffy had things to say about him while we were cooking. “I’m okay. Honestly, I should probably be asking you that question.”

Connor shook his head. “I’m not okay but I’m not as bad as I thought I might be. In a way, maybe it’s good because I don’t know what I would have done if my parents remembered me. I would have had to choose. This way not so much. I didn’t tell you but Angel and I went over there last night. I still have the house key but nothing of mine was left in the house. All I have left to my name is what’s in my dorm room. It’s okay. I’m used to living with nothing as you saw. I’m tough that way.”

I threw my arms around him, hugging him tight. I leaned my head to his. “I’m so sorry.”

“Maybe it’s not the worst thing, like I said but it’s an adjustment. I will miss the money and prestige. Now I have to live with learning to like my actual father, and I know that _you_ do. You see good in him, don’t you?”

“I do. Angel is not the same as Angelus, and I’m sure that isn’t the first time you’ve heard that.”

He spread his hands, a gesture so like Angel’s I didn’t dare say it. I doubted he was prepared to hear it. “Not by a long shot. It’s hard unlearning a lifetime of teaching.”

I took his hand, threading my fingers into his. “I’m sure.” 

“Why are you here with me? You saw what I am, what I’m capable of,” Connor said in the barest of whispers.

“One of my best friends nearly destroyed the world,” I replied.

“So did my daughter.”

“Let’s not think about that today, okay.” I kissed his check. “Let me tell you about Spike, another vampire, sort of your father’s grandkid in the way they usually do the reproducing.”

He shuddered. “That just creeps me out.”

“I’m sure. But this might interest you since he was looking out for me, keeping me safe.”

I told him some of the stories about me and Spike, which were at least ones I could bear telling. I told him that Spike died saving the world and that his father had volunteered to be the one to do it. Connor deserved to know it, and Angel deserved the acknowledgment as well. After that, I told him about the Watchers and how we were planning to do things differently because having someone like Connor with us would only be to our benefit. He stiffened slightly and I glanced over his shoulder to see Buffy, Angel and Wes.

“I could use some help in the kitchen if you’re done talking,” Buffy said.

“I can help,” Connor offered again.

Buffy waved him off. “You can help Wes setting the table and making sure everything is ready for the gift exchange tonight.”

“Okay, that’s good because I want to talk to Wes anyhow,” Connor replied.

Wes raised his eyebrows, a slight panicked look on his face. Knowing his involvement in all the things that went wrong in Connor’s life, I didn’t blame him.

“Dawn was telling me about the Watchers,” he added, also seeing the worry. “I wanted to hear more. I think it might be interesting…not really looking to join up but I think I can help.”

“You need to finish your degree,” Angel said. Oh god, he was such a dad.

“Actually, schooling is an important step for Watchers. We _did_ have a special ops group. Some of them survived the demolition of the Council,” Wes said, immediately warming to the topic. “You would be excellent for that.”

Angel rolled his eyes and I left them to it so I could help Buffy. Faith joined us, and if anyone was worse in the kitchen that the Summers sisters, it was her. Still we managed to put out a decent dinner that was edible and in fact actually tasty. To my surprise, Lindsey showed up for it, being done with whatever he needed to do for Wolfram and Hart, and he provided us with a couple of home-made pies. That man needed to be chained to the kitchen counter and forced to bake us all the things. Since he couldn’t make it home for the holidays, we invited him to join us for the evening celebrations. I hoped he and Angel could at least be civil.

My fears were groundless. Lindsey was actually quite funny and didn’t pick on Angel too much, at least not much more than Connor. Nothing much was said about our experiences in Quor-Toth or that Amy had gotten away and what might we do about that if anything. I did ask about Sid, if Connor had called him. I didn’t blame him for not working up the courage to find out if his best friend in school still remembered him or not. That could wait until after the holiday.

Connor and I sat on the loveseat with some rummy egg nog. I had his gift to me in hand but I hadn’t opened it yet. He hadn’t needed to give me anything after the Claddagh ring but we’d already had that talk. Of course, things were going to change now that he didn’t have rich parents anymore. I was hoping whatever was in this small box wasn’t really expensive. He loved the forensic books I’d gotten him.

“I know it’s last minute but I got this for you,” Angel said, handing a meticulously wrapped box to Connor who eyed it, shocked.

“You didn’t have to.”

“You and I never had the opportunity to spend a single holiday or birthday together. It’s not much,” Angel babbled quickly.

Connor smiled. “I don’t have anything for you.”

“Are you kidding? You’re _here_. That’s more than enough,” Angel replied, empathetically. 

Connor ripped the paper off like a savage. Popping the lid off, he lifted out a black T-shirt with some Irish iconography and the words Hennessey’s Tavern, Las Vegas on it. He beamed. “This is cool. Grabbed the first Irish thing you found?”

Angel shrugged. “Lots of shopping in Vegas but I literally have no idea what you might like other than jazz. I didn’t see any jazz CDs or I’d have gotten them too.”

“This is great though. I am rather married to t-shirts.” Connor chuckled. “I like it, thank you, Dad.”

“He’s not lying about those t-shirts. You’ve been lucky. He dressed up to impress Buffy that first day or otherwise he’d be in a t-shirt,” I said.

“I am what I am.” He nudged me gently.

“Let’s see what he got you, Dawn,” Faith demanded.

“More than he should have. He already gotten me the claddagh.” I arched an eyebrow at Connor and he pointed to the gift box.

I opened it far more gently than he had done his. Inside was a necklace of wrapped silver and sea glass in multiple shades of blue from cobalt to electric to the palest blue possible with teardrop earrings to match. “Oh, this is beautiful. I love it.” I lifted the necklace and showed it off.

“That is very pretty. You have good taste, Connor,” Buffy said.

“Thank you. Might be inherited if some of the things I heard about that one are true.” Connor nodded at Angel.

“I’m afraid to know what you’ve heard.” Angel snorted.

“Yes, you should be.” Connor could smile like Angelus. Who knew?

The rest of the night went well. The gifts opened, movies watched and carols sung, no one fighting, everyone a little boozy and happy. This was easily the best holiday I’ve ever had. I was already making plans to sneak Connor into my room or vice versa.

“This is exactly what I wanted,” Buffy said, looking at the clock. It was after one. “A drama-free holiday.”

“If you disregard us going to hell for a while.” Faith laughed.

“I am. That wasn’t today,” Buffy retorted.

“I still say Christmas needs snow and a fireplace but this is definitely nice. This is the best Christmas I’ve ever had.” Faith bounced to her feet and gave Wes look. To his credit, he looked a tiny bit embarrassed at the obviously implications in spite of the fact there was only me, Buffy, Angel and Connor in the room and we already suspected what was going on. Lindsey and Xander had both gone to bed earlier, Xander staying over tonight. However, Wes didn’t waste time following her.

“It is getting late.” Connor stood but he didn’t give me any sexy looks. Instead he caught Buffy’s eye. “Maybe you and Angel want to talk. We really haven’t had time to deal with too much of what everyone learned about in the last few days. Or is Christmas not the time to talk to someone about their weird son.”

I swatted him. “There is no good time to talk about weird relatives. I should know.” I grinned at Buffy.

“Hey!” She narrowed her eyes at me.

I waved and pushed Connor. “Move it before she kicks us.”

He didn’t have to be told twice. I’m pretty sure I heard her shouting to behave myself. It occurred to me that Connor had affectively distracted his father and my sister with the “why don’t you talk” thing. I slipped into his new room in the Hyperion, and tumbled him on the bed, bouncing on it with him.

“We survived,” I said.

“Christmas or just everything?” He brushed my hair back.

“Everything.”

“We did and it’s not over but for tonight, I can forget about that.”

I kissed him. “Damn right. We can worry about the fall out another today.”

Connor wrapped his arms around me. “I love how you think. Happy holidays, Dawn.”

“Happy holidays.”

I snuggled down with him. Yes, there were issues still to resolve but there always ways. Buffy was right. We finally had a good holiday in spite of all the bad stuff. The new year was looming, and I couldn’t wait to tackle it with my family and my friends. It probably wouldn’t be easy but lying here right now I couldn’t think about the dangers I knew was out there. I was happy. I was content. I had something to fight for and come what may, I would.


End file.
